Safe Sex

[LittleMissMuffet]

Emma, I agree with your sentiment that there is a time and place for certain things.

So, why then can't people discuss sex in a social phobia forum -afterall, sex is a part of life and it is certainly a part of what being sociable (social) is. ...And you seemed to have no problem acknowledging this when you posted in the 'How many sexual partners have you had?' thread. In fact, you actually even defended someone who others had found to be offensive.

So, like I said, I agree that there is a time and place for something. And I also think that you are really upset and angry at another thread, the one titled: "Free nice pic", and you know what, you're perfectly within your rights to be offended by this -I think that a lot of people would find that thread out of place here. -What you can do instead is to write a message to the moderator (a few people have already regarding that particular poster) but don't misplace your anger at the poster of this particular thread. -What is shameful in her asking questions about sex? (especially given that she is young like you and is still finding out how to approach such issues?)

 

[paranoid_android]

If you don't know how to make it safe, perhaps you are not ready at all.

 

[Thankful6389]

HELLO!!!!
This is NOT sexworld!!!!
This is socila phobia world!!!!
IS ANYONE GOING TO POINT THAT OUT????!!!
STOP TELLING ABOUT YOUR SEX LIFE, IF YOU HAVEN'T GOT SOCIAL PHOIBA DON'T COME ON HERE AND USE IT AS YOUR OWN PERSONAL MY SEX DETAILS SPOT
(By the way I'm not judgemental, I just thought I'd point that out) :roll:

AGAIN This is Not sex world!!! OK? :x

Was I discussing my sex life anywhere in here as in stories/ details? No I wasn't. Get over yourself. You have issues.

 

[Emma]

Huh? since when did I post in the how many sexual partners have you had thread?

And excuse me, don't you dare come and attack me and tell me I have issues, of course I have issues, I don't need you coming and pointing that out, and by the way, you said you're not a shy person and you don't have social phobia, so what are you doing here then, besides trying get answers about your sex life?

Maybe you have issues!!!!! :evil: :x Meanie!!!!

 

[crazyfairyx]

Yes this is social phobia world and as another member mentioned sex is part of social behaviour and therefore it's understandable that it is talked about here. No-one has the right to deem someone's topics of discussion to be unworthy of the site. This was a post from someone looking for advice, not to brag about sex or anything!! Look at yourself before you judge others. What right do you have above them to decide what is and isn't discussed.

 

[Thankful6389]

Huh? since when did I post in the how many sexual partners have you had thread?

And where did I say anything about that in my post? Where? Nowhere. I was never posting about my sex life at any time in here. I was asking for advice and that's it. That's when you came in here and just started shit to start something. If you look, I posted this topic over a month ago.

 

[LittleMissMuffet]

Thankful: It was me who wrote that Emma had posted in the 'How many sexual partners have you had thread?'

Emma: You did post in this thread, on page three. And it is worth noticing for two reasons - 1) that elsewhere you have discussed sex on a social phobia forum, and 2) that along with this, you are obviously not so hung up on sexual issues.

So, please don't become upset. You are young and it's understandable that you wouldn't be 100% confident in how to deal with issues about sex. Most ADULTS aren't comfortable and have unresolved issues.

So, everybody give everybody a break. And Emma, I deduce that you were really upset about that other poster who posted pornography sites here -the one who wrote: 'Free nice pics'; and another time he had made a link to child pornography websites.

I can completely understand why you would be upset about this and unsure as how to voice your complaint: I'm not clear either; so I ignored it for lack of knowing what appropriate thing to say.

What you did wrongly was get upset at someone else posting anything to do with sex. But, like I said, I can understand that you were upset by the nature of the other posters post.

I have a good idea that I am right in my assumption about you. Part of the reason is because elsewhere you have shown that you are comfortable discussing sexuality. I think you were a bit freaked by the other poster.

Don't worry so much. It's normal to get a bit upset at things like the nature of that other post ('Free nice pics'). Add the fact that you are quite young and frankly I don't know why you don't give yourself more of a break and just say that you did get upset, but you got upset at what someone else had written and misdirected your anger because you weren't clear on how to put it into words. Take it from me: no one is perfect, so don't feel so bad about a mistake in judgement. (It's not that big a mistake!!!)

And, Thankful: I hope you can understand why I think Emma got upset and see how the other poster was pretty offensive and forgive a person for getting a bit distressed by what was written in 'free nice pics' -and, not knowing exactly how to approach this, get upset in general about anything to do with sex being here. (And the previous message by that particular poster was highly offensive)

 

[Emma]

Thankful,
I apologize for what I said.....looking back now I have no idea what the hell I was ranting about, but I am sorry.....I hope you can forgive me...maybe I'm envious that you have someone who cares about you and I don't....but anyhow, I really am sorry

 

[sugarcake]

Alright I know you've already done it, but seriously it is NOT something that should be taken lightly and it should only be done with someone you're married to. It's a special thing thing that should only be done with someone you love enough to get married to (and it should be done AFTER you're married) I'm only 18 (you probably would think I'm a lot older based on what I'm saying, but believe me this is serious. Besides what if you somehow accidently ended up getting pregnant? What if you're not ready to have a kid? what then? abortion? It's not the baby's fault that it happened. It's just messing around with the powers of procreation and the life of baby to be born is IMPORTANT. I'm sure you woudn't like it if it were your life.
For the people who were saying you can't discuss this on a social phobia website: why can't she, when this forum is supposed to be where you can discuss anything you want?

 

[crazyfairyx]

Sugarcake, I don't agree that you should only have sex within marriage. There are a lot of serious couples who love each other deeply who are not married and there are a lot of unhappy married couples who do not love each other. I don't understand why a marriage certificate makes it right for any married couple to have sex and why the lack of one makes any relationship less serious.

Love, mutual respect and communication are the most important factors in deciding who to have sex with, not a marriage certificate.

 

[sugarcake]

Sugarcake, I don't agree that you should only have sex within marriage. There are a lot of serious couples who love each other deeply who are not married and there are a lot of unhappy married couples who do not love each other. I don't understand why a marriage certificate makes it right for any married couple to have sex and why the lack of one makes any relationship less serious.

Love, mutual respect and communication are the most important factors in deciding who to have sex with, not a marriage certificate.

But....my question is if they DO love each other then why aren't they married? If a couple claims they're so in love, but won't get married, then it makes me wonder, are they really unsure and want to keep themselves free? If those couples are so "serious" then why don't they make it official by getting married? To me that just says deep down they're unsure and want to have an out if they need one. By getting married first, I think it basically proves they love you and it's not just so they can have some pleasure and then leave. People who want to have sex, but aren't willing to get married first are just afraid of commitment. I have heard so many stories about guys who want to have sex and the girl thinks it will deepen their love, but instead it just makes him back away after because of fear of commitment. By only doing it with someone you're married to, you're giving the respect it deserves. True, there are unhappy married couples, but the point is, those couples need to work thru their problems. If you don't get married just so you can leave if you run into any problems it just shows lack of commitment and it says that you'll only stay around if things are going well. Every relationship is going to have problems so you need to have unconditional love, for better or for worse, that sort of thing.

 

[crazyfairyx]

It's all very idealistic though. Yes ideally people who love each other should get married, buy a house together and live happily ever after but it doesn't work like that. For one thing it takes money to get married and if you're together from the age of 16 you might not want to get married until you're much, much older, if you're sure you'll be together long enough to get married then I don't see the problem. Also, some people are against the idea of marriage altogether and yet stay together for their entire lives. Marriage isn't a definate promise of being together for ever either.

I do agree with you that guys will use the 'it'll make us closer' line sometimes but girls have to learn how to figure out who to trust. A lot of guys will marry a woman and still treat her very badly. And vice versus.

Also, I don't think it's the end of the world if you sleep with someone and stay with them for years and years and then grow apart. No it doesn't fit into the ideal, but as long as you're careful, loving, respectful and happy then that's all that matters. I love my boyfriend so much and we've been together for over 3 years, but can I definately say we'll be together until we die? Course I can't, I really hope so, but anything could happen between now and then. But if we did for some reason split up I would never regret any part of our relationship because we love each other so much and make each other so happy.

Marriage really is just a piece of paper, the only worth it really has is the worth people put upon it. It doesn't mean you'll be with someone forever, it doesn't mean you trust or love each other and it doesn't mean you'll treat each other well. I think it's up to each individual to decide what makes them happy and I really hope you get your ideal life because if that's what you want then that's what you deserve.

 

[sugarcake]

Still......there's value in choosing the person you know you want to be with and staying with them thru the best times and worst times, even when you're older. There is a certain kind of marriage that does mean you'll be together forever, but I'll stop there because I'm already kind of off-topic anyway, but what I'm saying is, a certain kind of marriage has all the value in the world. I'm probably not making sense, but then this topic really isn't about religion. I'm just saying that besides religious reasons, I would just rather be married because there's definently more of a guarantee that they'll stay around and try to work thru any problems that may come up. Anyway thanks for talking with me even if we don't agree.

 

[plainsofserenity]

I think that saying "...as long as they love each other..." is being just as moralitic as saying "..as long as they are married...".
From the way the thread is going I think I'm standing pretty much alone when I say 'if it feels good - do it'. I do think it should be done without deception on the part of either party, with respect for each other, and with consideration safety in regards to STDs and pregnancy.

Sex will be different in one night stand, short term relationship, or in a marriage.
Kissing Great Aunt Matilda, or your kids, or co-worker who's leaving, or your friend, or your lover - all different things.

(I would also like to say that I was immensely surprised that a marriage certificate did end up feeling more than a piece of paper. I didn't think there would be after living together for 4 years first. But the committment seemed more concrete and the bond seemed stronger. Now that's just me - but it was surprising.)