SA make me seem stuck up

[last2no]

I often come across as cold and stuckup....however I really want to connect but do not have the courage to do so. Wouldn't know where to start.

any suggestions?

 

[Chilling__Echo]

i always get that. when i'm content, i appear to be angry and pissed off, and like you say, stuck up. i find out way later that people sometimes are intimidated by me.

so over the years i might smile at people who i walk past, if someone says something to me, i try and be really nice or helpful, i love connecting with people. when i'm a work and get in a convo with a customer, i feel so good, it's such a change b/c sometimes i get so down thinking i'm socially handicapped.

 

[black_mamba]

How do you mean connect with people?

Because people often talk, but that doesn't mean they're connecting.

 

[last2no]

I don't even really know what I mean by connect, I guess talk or be a person who people can be comfortable around and think as friendly?

I envyy those who can be like that naturally.

However thanks for the suggestion, I think smiling at strangers should be a good start.

 

[thugaveli]

I think you want to appear to be naturally warm & pleasant or socially interacting with other people

When i take my dog a walk if i pass anyone i always say hi and smile and they then think how pleasant i am

Its difficult to just say 'hi' to anyone in the street, like it makes it easier for me with the dog because everyone i say hi to is dog walking so we have something in common

Things like waiting for a bus or people behind the shop counter are easier people to conversate with or just to say a simple hi, are you alright then? Then your confidence will grow

 

[black_mamba]

People who talk like its nothing are so lucky, no wonder its so hard for them to understand our fears. It'd be like us trying to understand someone with a fear of I don't know, ahem, buttons (sorry I always use this example!) :lol:

I'm not sure what connecting really means either, when two people share a sense of humour, share a way of thinking and interests. But this is very very rare, so better to take small steps first.

Smiling is a great tip. Make it obvious too. I used to try and smile but didn't realise I was keeping my head down whilst doing it, then wondered why shop assistants didn't smile back...but you shouldn't expect everyone to react in the same way. Some people have their own worries so are less likely to smile back/talk, don't ever take this personally.

 

[last2no]

I've been in denial for so long. Now I want to start reaching out, i feel like a child learning simple things....to physically remember to smile on the outside to match my inside...how obvious but wacky that it didn't enter my mind earlier.

 

[Carina33]

I know... a lot of the time, if I meet knew people that don't know how quiet I can be think I am very stuck up. If I am happy with other things too, I sometimes appear even more arrogant. I know that we just had some relatives come to stay at our house from Germany, and when they got home I heard that they thought that I hated them just because I was so quiet. I felt so horribel.

 

[Savannah]

Hello everyone..
humm.. I don't think I've ever been called 'stuck-up'..but like Chilling__Echo, I know I intimidate people, some even scared of me (ironic huh?).. and lots of people have said "when I first met you, I thought you didn't like me".. even a cousin said that me to once.

I realized, when I concentrate or I'm confused or scared I frown! and that's what they see.

So now I try smiling (although somedays even that feels like a waste of time) it does work though, with some people. And maybe take a little of notice of your body language. Maybe that's what others are reading a little wrong.

A little weird, but I noticed children read me right, and tend to not leave me alone because they like my company.. and adults the opposite. *urgh..there is no winning*

Anyway.. good luck last2no.. I wish you the best!

 

[Marin]

Maybe this is obvious but if you have this problem while talking to a person, to share something about yourself might help. people would think I was cold also, part of the reason besides not smiling is I didn't want to reveal anything about myself and then be hurt. I don't mean telling them your life story necessarily but you could share what you like, don't like, what you plan on doing after work, weekend, ? I mean this if you're actually in the middle of talking to someone, I have no idea if it would work as a conversation starter. I think sometimes when people don't see you showing or talking about how you feel, it's like they assume you don't have any feelings.

 

[black_mamba]

Marin thats a great point!

When someone never tells me what they get upto at the weekend or after work or uni I feel that they're avoiding mentioning it incase I want to join them? Maybe thats my SP speaking but I think being a little more open about stuff in general would give you a friendlier image for sure.

I find it hard to mention my hobbies or things I get upto for fear of no-one showing any interest (rejection basically!)...its a hard one to pull off. :?

 

[Carina33]

Marin, I think that you make a good point about smiling. A lot of people I am close to talk to me about how miserable I look and how I never smile. I get complete strangers talking to me about how much I smile. Even yesterday at wrok, some guy that I just met asked me why I never smile. I never feel like I don't smile, and I feel like I do it enough.. but obviously not.

 

[jeireijerfef]

Practice makes perfect

I once dated a girl with social phobia and she had it worst than I did. She did come off kinda stuck up. I was a little better at making conversation and small talk. Looking back I realize that its hard to smile and be friendly when you are nervous. My advice would be to try to smile when you talk. And just practice with strangers. Afterall they are just strangers. Its not that big of a deal if you mess up in front of them. Go to church, different groups, different meetings. These are safe places to practice talking to people one on one. Hang in there it gets easy with practice.

 

[Scottish_Player]

I was at my uncles house a few months ago, my cousin came in with her friend who i had never met before and i did what any good person with SP would do i made my excuse and left. In between them arriving and me leaving i made a little small talk which i was happy with because i had to consiously force myself to do it, then i found out from my cousin that her friend said i was stuck up and was i always like that.This for me was a surprise because i though i had done well it trying to make small talk.

You can please some people sometimes but you can't please all the people all the time. :roll: