SA destroyed my life.
- Thread starter Anonymous
- Start date
Anonymous
Well-known member
I know exactly how you feel.I met a real nice girl on an dating site.We emailed,sent text and talked on the phone.Chating on the phone was the hardest part for me,as like you I was constantly thinking I would run out of things to talk about and that I was being a complete bore.But I got round this by making notes before I rang her.Anyway we got on quite well and decided to meet up.It didn't go to well,as I was too self concious and anxious all the way through the date.Of course afterwards I could only see the negative things that happened and none of the good things about the date.Anyway after this I text her to say that I didn't think it was working well and it was best to call it quits (even though deep down I wanted to continue,but couldn't take the stress and anxiety of a relationship).It was after this that I realised that I had some serious social issues.I guess I have had SA for years,but it didn't fully hit home until this incident.I am currently waiting to go to CBT and have ordered Dr. Richards audio tapes,as I think this is the best route to go.CBT seems to have the best results,but I know it will be hard to do.It was real hard going to my GP and telling him,but he was real supportive and said that CBT was the way to go.I guess I'm lucky,as I have no problems at work and I can go to the pub if I know there will be someone there that I know.But I have a problem when it's crowded or there are strangers.I have a big problem talking to people (even family),approaching people and talking to girls is a real no no.I feel like I'm really boring,and most of the time I have trouble concentrating and my memory stinks.Hope you can pluck up the courage to ask for some help,even if it's self help.I know that sometimes it's easier to stay in or do things alone,but I think that we are all missing out on so much and it's just so damn hard to change things.
Anonymous
Well-known member
I can relate to a lot of what you folks are discussing. Like the thread starter, I'm in my 30's and really feel that life is completely passing me by...no close friends, still a virgin, pretty much lost hope that life can ever be good, I now just can't imagine that I'll ever have a life without my completely debilitating SA.
I've only recently discovered that what I have is a known medical condition. When I first started to get bad SA, I was about 19/20 and went to see my doctor. Her advice was pretty much that I just had "growing pains" that everyone goes through and I just needed to pull myself together. I felt completely lost, like I was just some freak of nature that the medical profession had no understanding of. I just lived in misery for the next 15 years, my SA getting steadily worse as I realised the problem wasn't going to go away by itself, I had no means of curing it and the doctors had no interest in my "imaginery" problems.
Luckily, I'd managed to qualify from college and blagged my way through job interviews so have been in full-time employment for most of that time but in my current job, the SA is getting really hard to deal with because I just don't relate to the people I'm working with...every minute is just tension and anxiety, I can hardly concentrate at all.....I really want to quit but know that dropping out of the labour market is not going to help.
A few months ago, I accidently stumbled across a website about SA (was searching for info on how to improve my now woeful concentration and memory) and immediately recognised that it was exactly what I had. Yet for some reason, after doing a little research on the internet and reading a few forums about SA, I didn't really see a light at the end of the tunnel. The prospect of therapy and drugs is hardly appealling and it also seems that lots of people with SA who are pursuing treatment aren't finding it to be a miracle cure. So I kinda lost interest.
But of course, I know it's not going to go away by itself. I found myself thinking that I'd really prefer to be dead rather than continue with this miserable and deteriorating existence (but of course, I ain't got the guts to top myself). So I've decided I need to seek help after all....I mean, if I'd gladly be dead, why not gladly go see a therapist and tell him all my embarassing problems or why not shove a bunch of anti-depressant pills down my throat?
Anyone still reading this crap? Geez, you need to get out more . So the way I'm trying to convince myself to see things now is this - OK, my young adulthood is a complete right-off, nothing happened, just totally pathetic, I'm approaching middle-age, but does that mean I should just right off the rest of my life? After all, I guess every person in their 30's, even those who've had the perfect life thus far, still hopes that the many good things will happen to them in their next few decades. Does it really matter where you start from...what's gone is gone, it's what's still to come that matters now.
I like this dude Felix, he's 16 and he's perceptive. I've always been the world's worst at small-talk and conversations, it's a real complex and one of the biggest problems to my SA...just not being able to sustain conversations so avoid them altogether. But what do people talk about? Stuff, anything and everything.
Sitting at home every night, basically doing nothing but worrying about my problems is hardly enhancing my life experiences or knowledge of topics for conversation. I think taking up a few hobbies and interests will occupy the mind, rather than moping around and worrying. And the side effect is that it's gives additional sources of things to talk about. I think this is going to be my resolution for the year - along with returning to the medical profession for help after 15 wasted years - I'll endeavour to spend more time doing things....every day. I guess the more you do, the more you'll know, and the more you'll potentially have to talk about, and it might get me out of the house more.
To the thread starter, we both definitely need help - we both know the problem ain't going away by itself, we both know our lives are shit, so what have we got to lose by seeking help? I've also saved a little money (well, it's not as if I go spending it socialising). I ain't got much money for treatment. But what am I saving the money for? For a rainy day when I'm an old man in my 70's, still in despair and still gripped by SA and still worried about the future? May as well spend it now and see if I can't begin to fix the biggest problem I'll ever have.
I've only recently discovered that what I have is a known medical condition. When I first started to get bad SA, I was about 19/20 and went to see my doctor. Her advice was pretty much that I just had "growing pains" that everyone goes through and I just needed to pull myself together. I felt completely lost, like I was just some freak of nature that the medical profession had no understanding of. I just lived in misery for the next 15 years, my SA getting steadily worse as I realised the problem wasn't going to go away by itself, I had no means of curing it and the doctors had no interest in my "imaginery" problems.
Luckily, I'd managed to qualify from college and blagged my way through job interviews so have been in full-time employment for most of that time but in my current job, the SA is getting really hard to deal with because I just don't relate to the people I'm working with...every minute is just tension and anxiety, I can hardly concentrate at all.....I really want to quit but know that dropping out of the labour market is not going to help.
A few months ago, I accidently stumbled across a website about SA (was searching for info on how to improve my now woeful concentration and memory) and immediately recognised that it was exactly what I had. Yet for some reason, after doing a little research on the internet and reading a few forums about SA, I didn't really see a light at the end of the tunnel. The prospect of therapy and drugs is hardly appealling and it also seems that lots of people with SA who are pursuing treatment aren't finding it to be a miracle cure. So I kinda lost interest.
But of course, I know it's not going to go away by itself. I found myself thinking that I'd really prefer to be dead rather than continue with this miserable and deteriorating existence (but of course, I ain't got the guts to top myself). So I've decided I need to seek help after all....I mean, if I'd gladly be dead, why not gladly go see a therapist and tell him all my embarassing problems or why not shove a bunch of anti-depressant pills down my throat?
Anyone still reading this crap? Geez, you need to get out more
. So the way I'm trying to convince myself to see things now is this - OK, my young adulthood is a complete right-off, nothing happened, just totally pathetic, I'm approaching middle-age, but does that mean I should just right off the rest of my life? After all, I guess every person in their 30's, even those who've had the perfect life thus far, still hopes that the many good things will happen to them in their next few decades. Does it really matter where you start from...what's gone is gone, it's what's still to come that matters now.I like this dude Felix, he's 16 and he's perceptive. I've always been the world's worst at small-talk and conversations, it's a real complex and one of the biggest problems to my SA...just not being able to sustain conversations so avoid them altogether. But what do people talk about? Stuff, anything and everything.
Sitting at home every night, basically doing nothing but worrying about my problems is hardly enhancing my life experiences or knowledge of topics for conversation. I think taking up a few hobbies and interests will occupy the mind, rather than moping around and worrying. And the side effect is that it's gives additional sources of things to talk about. I think this is going to be my resolution for the year - along with returning to the medical profession for help after 15 wasted years - I'll endeavour to spend more time doing things....every day. I guess the more you do, the more you'll know, and the more you'll potentially have to talk about, and it might get me out of the house more.
To the thread starter, we both definitely need help - we both know the problem ain't going away by itself, we both know our lives are shit, so what have we got to lose by seeking help? I've also saved a little money (well, it's not as if I go spending it socialising). I ain't got much money for treatment. But what am I saving the money for? For a rainy day when I'm an old man in my 70's, still in despair and still gripped by SA and still worried about the future? May as well spend it now and see if I can't begin to fix the biggest problem I'll ever have.
Anonymous
Well-known member
Yes I know how you feel.I'm also over 30 and have big probs with concentration,memory and small talk.But the way I see it is that I can't change what has gone before,only now and the future.I know it will be hard,but I will give it a try.I have organised some CBT and have also ordered Dr. Richards audio tapes.I think a good few people have had success with these,but I think it needs hard work,so time will tell.
Good luck,I hope you get some good advice and help.
Anonymous
Well-known member
Wow. That is loaded. Made me very sad to read.
I have SP. I have had it my whole life. During highschool was the worst for me. I started highschool in a new area where I didn't know anyone. It was VERY hard for me to meet people. I eventually became friends with losers who all ended up thinking I was weird. It was rough. I dropped out in grade 12. I'm now 24 and after taking Wellbutrin I have been able to get over meeting new people but I still can't keep friends. I don't have any friends. My best friend is my boyfriend who does not see my SP because I'm sooooooo good at keeping things inside and not telling people how I feel. I'm embarassed that I have Social phobia. I went back to school and I'm now in College in my second term. Last term I worked on a difficult project and was supposed to present it to the class at the end of the term. I handed it in and left immediately. Lost the marks because I didn't do the presentation. The other day I was in class and was called upon to answer a simple question. My heart nearly pounded out of my chest, I felt dizy and could barley speak. It's ridiculous. I'm too embarassed to tell anyone about this.
But after reading the post above I feel that I have to do something. Wellbutrin has helped me this far, but I have to do something else. Clearly I have issues.
Do you know what else is embarassing? My boyfriend and I are engaged. His mother asked who is going to be my maid of honor, and who will the brides maids be. I had to tell her that I don't have friends, therefore; no bridesmaids. It is so stupid! I hate it so much. I look so opposite from how I feel. I mean, I have people telling me all the time how confident I look, how comfortable I make people feel, and my boyfriend is amazed at how great I am at meeting new people in social situations. He doesn't get it.
I get depressed almost everyday. I'm now taking Effexor XR. I don't know if I like it yet.
Does anyone take anything that works well for them?
I have SP. I have had it my whole life. During highschool was the worst for me. I started highschool in a new area where I didn't know anyone. It was VERY hard for me to meet people. I eventually became friends with losers who all ended up thinking I was weird. It was rough. I dropped out in grade 12. I'm now 24 and after taking Wellbutrin I have been able to get over meeting new people but I still can't keep friends. I don't have any friends. My best friend is my boyfriend who does not see my SP because I'm sooooooo good at keeping things inside and not telling people how I feel. I'm embarassed that I have Social phobia. I went back to school and I'm now in College in my second term. Last term I worked on a difficult project and was supposed to present it to the class at the end of the term. I handed it in and left immediately. Lost the marks because I didn't do the presentation. The other day I was in class and was called upon to answer a simple question. My heart nearly pounded out of my chest, I felt dizy and could barley speak. It's ridiculous. I'm too embarassed to tell anyone about this.
But after reading the post above I feel that I have to do something. Wellbutrin has helped me this far, but I have to do something else. Clearly I have issues.
Do you know what else is embarassing? My boyfriend and I are engaged. His mother asked who is going to be my maid of honor, and who will the brides maids be. I had to tell her that I don't have friends, therefore; no bridesmaids. It is so stupid! I hate it so much. I look so opposite from how I feel. I mean, I have people telling me all the time how confident I look, how comfortable I make people feel, and my boyfriend is amazed at how great I am at meeting new people in social situations. He doesn't get it.
I get depressed almost everyday. I'm now taking Effexor XR. I don't know if I like it yet.
Does anyone take anything that works well for them?
Anonymous
Well-known member
Oh and by the way, I wouldn't write off the rest of your life. you can still enjoy your life. You just have to be brave and just do what you know you have to do.
No one should recommend med's because we are not Doctors. But I am going to recommend you talk to a Doctor about which ones you should take. I think you have already wrote off your childhood. What's done is done. But you have many more years ahead of you. Do something now. A Doctor will understand how you feel. All you say is "I have SA, I want Med's to start but don't know which are best, then I'll think about therapy". Once you start to feel that the med's are working you can start checking out other things while on them such as group therapy (it's cheap, if not free).
This is what i'm going to do. becaue as I said: Wellbutrin only carried me so far, and who knows how Effexor will help.
Anyway....I urge you to get help ASAP! Before Wellbutrin I wanted to die. Now I still have thoughts, but life is not unbearable as it used to be. I even joined a coed sport. Trust me when I say that it was not long ago where the idea of joining a sports team was inconceivable.
No one should recommend med's because we are not Doctors. But I am going to recommend you talk to a Doctor about which ones you should take. I think you have already wrote off your childhood. What's done is done. But you have many more years ahead of you. Do something now. A Doctor will understand how you feel. All you say is "I have SA, I want Med's to start but don't know which are best, then I'll think about therapy". Once you start to feel that the med's are working you can start checking out other things while on them such as group therapy (it's cheap, if not free).
This is what i'm going to do. becaue as I said: Wellbutrin only carried me so far, and who knows how Effexor will help.
Anyway....I urge you to get help ASAP! Before Wellbutrin I wanted to die. Now I still have thoughts, but life is not unbearable as it used to be. I even joined a coed sport. Trust me when I say that it was not long ago where the idea of joining a sports team was inconceivable.
