ruined a close friendship for new years?

[danyule]

I think i may have ruined a close friendship last night i just cant stop thinking about it, this is more of a rant than anything.

I went to a new years party with a few friends last night, heaps of people there as you can imagine. And me being socially inept just sat at the table with a couple friends and talked away from the rest.
My "best friend" that convinced me to go there was off with a group of guys (as shes a pretty attractive girl) talking and stuff the majority of the night, and paid totally no attention to me bar the first 20 minutes of the night.
anyway,
i got into one of my low moods, feeling left out and jealous and all and just couldn't handle it.
so i walked off to my car and just sat with my thoughts for a good hour
until one of my other friends came and got me to come back in.
went back in, same thing.
went back to my car, and just sat for around another hour.
one of my mates came out and asked me what was up, i had a big ol breakdown and basically told him all my ****ty problems,
next thing my "best friend" pulls up alongside my car in one of the dudes cars and tells me shes going back to his house, despite the fact we were supposed to stay with her, i was just like. "okay whatever do whatever you want."
she gets in my car and starts asking my why im so down and crap on new years, "are you alright?" despite it being fairly obvious i wasnt.
then kept asking me whether id be alright with her leaving us and staying at the dudes, and just cracked it. and was basically just "look. i seriously dont give a f*** what you do. just go i dont care." over and over as it was obvious she'd made up her mind, until she (obviously very angry at me) just grabbed her stuff and left.
The thing that annoys me is that she's one of the very few people that knows about my depression and anxiety and knows that i get down time to time. just really frustrated.

Shes one of my best friends and im afraid that i may have ruined our friendship? im going to have a talk to her tonight.
but i dont know whether ive just been totally irrational with my reaction.
whether i should actually be angry at her?
or just angry at myself.
i dont know.

 

[kihira]

Crappy stuff happens NYE, most people understand this and will be forgiving, especially if they are good friends. I can understand your own feelings of being left out and let down by your best friend, however, as a friend to her ideally you would wish her happiness and be ok about her taking off to do her own stuff without you.

 

[Aussie_Lad]

Why should you be angry at her? She was obviously having a great time, and unless you and her are an item, then she is perfectly obliged to spend time with other men. I think you were just consumed by envy, and it got the better of you. Envy does bad things to people, and must be avoided at all cost. The only way to overcome envy in your life is to ask yourself where it's coming from. Is it just Social Anxiety, or is it something else like wanting her to be your girlfriend?

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

Why should you be angry at her? She was obviously having a great time, and unless you and her are an item, then she is perfectly obliged to spend time with other men.

Yeah she is, but it's pretty crappy to just bail out on friends like that when they are supposed to be staying at your place. To be quite blunt, there are another 364 nights when she could get laid, so did she really have to just abandon someone who is supposed to be her best friend? I think he has a right to be angry about it, but if they are close friends they should be able to talk about this incident and hopefully move beyond it.

 

[Aussie_Lad]

Yeah she is, but it's pretty crappy to just bail out on friends like that when they are supposed to be staying at your place. To be quite blunt, there are another 364 nights when she could get laid, so did she really have to just abandon someone who is supposed to be her best friend? I think he has a right to be angry about it, but if they are close friends they should be able to talk about this incident and hopefully move beyond it.

I actually missed that bit. It may have been a little crappy for her to do that, but things don't always work out the way we would like. I can understand where the OP is coming from though, and it does sound like a good conversation is in order. Until such a conversation occurs, we can only speculate as to what will or will not happen.

 

[miss_amy]

Be honest with her how you felt. If she's a true friend she will understand and it will be something you can work through.

 

[unleashed]

yep, my evening went something like this:

argued with bf about a chatroom, got told to just get dressed stop being a moron because we were going to a party. pointed out that yelling at me and calling me a moron wasnt likely to make me want to go to a party with him. got told im not right in the head, could **** off back to where i came from and should look for somewhere else to sleep that night. walked out. sat by a pond crying in the dark and freezing weather for an hour or so, went back to house, discovered that i was locked out as he had gone to party with my keys and phone. waited at bus stop to get bus to train and airport thinking i really should just go back to where i came from (not that i had enough money to get a flight). discover busses dont run on NYE. go back to house and search for where hes left my keys thinking he wouldnt really leave me out in the cold and dark alone. discover that he has. sit outside house for few hours like a dick until he turns up and asks me if i going to the party or not. say no ive been crying in icy weather in the dark im going to bed. he lets me in and goes back to his party. he comes back at 12.10 saying he loves me and missed me. i think hes a dick.

 

[StupidWiz]

If I were you, I'd just let her have a great night without me and just stay in the car despite being asked to come back in. If anyone asked what's wrong I'd say Nothing, just wanna be alone and they'd leave me. Some ppl don't really care about us you know, especially in an event such as New Year's Eve

 

[Dronee]

yep, my evening went something like this:

argued with bf about a chatroom, got told to just get dressed stop being a moron because we were going to a party. pointed out that yelling at me and calling me a moron wasnt likely to make me want to go to a party with him. got told im not right in the head, could **** off back to where i came from and should look for somewhere else to sleep that night. walked out. sat by a pond crying in the dark and freezing weather for an hour or so, went back to house, discovered that i was locked out as he had gone to party with my keys and phone. waited at bus stop to get bus to train and airport thinking i really should just go back to where i came from (not that i had enough money to get a flight). discover busses dont run on NYE. go back to house and search for where hes left my keys thinking he wouldnt really leave me out in the cold and dark alone. discover that he has. sit outside house for few hours like a dick until he turns up and asks me if i going to the party or not. say no ive been crying in icy weather in the dark im going to bed. he lets me in and goes back to his party. he comes back at 12.10 saying he loves me and missed me. i think hes a dick.

.... that's very harsh of your bf...

 

[Aussie_Lad]

yep, my evening went something like this:

argued with bf about a chatroom, got told to just get dressed stop being a moron because we were going to a party. pointed out that yelling at me and calling me a moron wasnt likely to make me want to go to a party with him. got told im not right in the head, could **** off back to where i came from and should look for somewhere else to sleep that night. walked out. sat by a pond crying in the dark and freezing weather for an hour or so, went back to house, discovered that i was locked out as he had gone to party with my keys and phone. waited at bus stop to get bus to train and airport thinking i really should just go back to where i came from (not that i had enough money to get a flight). discover busses dont run on NYE. go back to house and search for where hes left my keys thinking he wouldnt really leave me out in the cold and dark alone. discover that he has. sit outside house for few hours like a dick until he turns up and asks me if i going to the party or not. say no ive been crying in icy weather in the dark im going to bed. he lets me in and goes back to his party. he comes back at 12.10 saying he loves me and missed me. i think hes a dick.

I'd be getting rid of him quick smart if I were you.

To the OP: I've been doing some more thinking about your situation, and in future you really need to pull her aside when you first start getting upset and resolve the issue then. The longer you let it drag on, the more energy builds up inside you, and when you evetually release it as you did when she was going home with this guy, the result is that you sometimes say or do the wrong thing. Excess energy from negative emotion is never a good thing, so it's best to get it early when it's easier to handle.

 

[DarkPhoenix]

yep, my evening went something like this:

argued with bf about a chatroom, got told to just get dressed stop being a moron because we were going to a party. pointed out that yelling at me and calling me a moron wasnt likely to make me want to go to a party with him. got told im not right in the head, could **** off back to where i came from and should look for somewhere else to sleep that night. walked out. sat by a pond crying in the dark and freezing weather for an hour or so, went back to house, discovered that i was locked out as he had gone to party with my keys and phone. waited at bus stop to get bus to train and airport thinking i really should just go back to where i came from (not that i had enough money to get a flight). discover busses dont run on NYE. go back to house and search for where hes left my keys thinking he wouldnt really leave me out in the cold and dark alone. discover that he has. sit outside house for few hours like a dick until he turns up and asks me if i going to the party or not. say no ive been crying in icy weather in the dark im going to bed. he lets me in and goes back to his party. he comes back at 12.10 saying he loves me and missed me. i think hes a dick.

Oh you poor thing, what a rotten thing to do! he sounds like nothing more than a bully to me, bringing you down like that only tell you he loves you is a classic sign of bullying. Dont ever believe that his actions are somehow your fault, you deserve to be treated with more respect than that.

 

[unleashed]

thanks for the replies, i agree with all of them, i dont believe he loves me (im not the moron he claims i am) or if he thinks he does he doesnt know what love is..i've started a secret savings account so eventually i will have a ''get out'' if this happens again or keeps happening, i dunno why he is so nasty i spose we all have our own issues

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

thanks for the replies, i agree with all of them, i dont believe he loves me (im not the moron he claims i am) or if he thinks he does he doesnt know what love is..i've started a secret savings account so eventually i will have a ''get out'' if this happens again or keeps happening, i dunno why he is so nasty i spose we all have our own issues

Wouldn't it be better to confront him about his behaviour, rather then just waiting to see if happens again? After all, if you don't make it crystal clear to him that you found his behaviour at New Year's totally unacceptable (which it was) then there's a very good chance that it will happen again, because he has no reason to believe that you won't just put up with it like you did last time.

 

[unleashed]

oh no it would just cause another row Rem, i'm sure things will be okay in the long run, thanks for the advice though x