Rubbish friends

[deleteduser]

Hey, i was just wondering if anyone else has the same problem. My friends seem like really rubbish friends. They don't make me feel better about myself, and if someone else is there, they will always talk to them instead of me. Sometimes i feel like such a prat, if we are lining up outside science class, i will be left standing there, pretending to be really interested in something on the wall, while they talk to everyone. My mum always tells me to make new friends, but that is impossible. Everyone has all formed these groups, i am just stuck with these friends that i don't even like. My year is full of loud, outgoing people, that i wouldn't even want to be friends with. I cant explain properly, but it's torture. I dread science because i know i will be standing there for about 10 minutes, the only person not talking to anyone, day dreaming.

 

[michelle85]

i know exactly how u feel, my friends arent exactly what u would call good or true friends either, and i know the reason why is because i limit myself because i dont talk to people.

 

[Richey]

i can relate to all of that.....what ive recently found is that the better looking you are and the more fun or funny you are the more you get attention from people...i know a couple of people who really arnt so prejudice and would talk to anyone....however i seem to be the least respected amongst my friend because im a little shyer .....its really difficult keeping up sometimes....i just struggle to feel comfortable around the group when everyone is hyper intense and joking around non stop....i hit a dead end and cant think of anything to say so i feel sick... i keep thinking im a burden and thats wrong but its how i feel from their attitude..its like they must constantly have attention to feel gratified about themselves...or I must entertain them or im not worthy, so now im not bothered if i dont see them as often

i can detatch myself from that alot more now....if im bored ill say it and i dont feel the need to impress people, i need be comfortable with myself and whatever comes along ill go with, ive learnt that

 

[QuietStranger]

I know EXACTLY what you mean. Every word. I'm kinda in the same situation, although I seem to be entering into a different "group" via 2 new friends.

People with SA are generally very picky. We care about things, a lot. We pay attention to minor details more than anyone. We are usually ignorant to positive things.

Think about the people in your school. Are they all horrible? While it seems like they are, I doubt it. Is there anything WRONG with being confident and outgoing? No. Is there anything WRONG with being quiet? No. Theres no need to judge on how loud people are. I understand why you feel this way, though. Don't get me wrong.

Look past peoples confidence. You might look at someone and think "He's way too confident and outgoing for me to be friends with..he seems like an arsehole". Is it because we're jealous? Probably. We need to look into peoples personalities. Now i'll agree with you, there are a lot of overconfident people that think way too highly of themselves and bully other people, or are particularly rude or unkind to the likes of you and me. These are the twats you want to stay away from. Don't block everyone else out though. Not every confident person is the same.

Make your life interesting, don't judge, be friendly, make jokes, push your comfort boundary to do new things. Everything else fits into place.

Think it doesn't work? I've made huge progress in the last few weeks. Sure, it doesn't happen overnight and I'm still very quiet. Believe in yourself and things WILL change.

Hope this helps.

 

[of_darkness]

thats like me too...though once, i had plenty of friends, i was a bit more of a leader. Then we all got split up into different classes, and i pretty much lost contact. Every now and then i would see them at school, but eventually most people just ignored me, i never worked that bit out.

So now, i still have a few of them, my best friend has stayed my best friend, but....meh i don't take to anoyone else i know except for about 5 people. even they don't understand me fully. Like you said, i just don't want to even be ascociated with all the louder people. They piss me off sometimes, especially the ones who made an issue of your quietness. Anyone who jokes about me not talking or takes advantage of it would be so much worse off if only i could talk or shout

(most of what i said didnt make sense for some reason.....>.<)

 

[derv]

my old workmates are like that, great when we was at work, good laugh, but outside of work they are loud and confident and their lives revolve around socialising. they used to occasionaly drag me down town (which i hate) and i would end up just going home early feeling down. they just dont understand what social phobia is when i try to explain it to them, all they say is , "dont worry we'll look after ya", but by the time they have had 4 or 5 pints, they are off dancing and i'm left in the corner on my own. only problem is i havent rang them or contacted them in 6 months but they just dont give up! they keep turning up on my doorstep asking why i dont phone them anymore! i havent the heart to say i dont want to go with them anymore, but they are very persistant! luckily i have other friends who are much more understanding and dont pressure me into doing things i dont really want to do. I think the answer is basically as hard as it may seem is to find sympathetic friends, i must admit at school it is hard because everyone has their little group that they hang around with but college/uni/work is a different environment where people are on the whole more understanding and mature about these things.

 

[scatmantom]

you should be glad people want to contact you and want you to go out with them. There is a difference between social phobia and not wanting to go out. I love going out, but am unable to go to certain places and events that I would like to! I have panic attacks and get sick...so it restricts the way I live my life totally. I also have friends who are pushy and try to make me go places...but i dunno wot i would do without them. When I say I dont wanna go out the persist and make me go, then i always end up having a good time. I dont want to live my life in my bedroom wishing I did go out and the only way to prevent that is to go out!

Dont take your friends fro granted...thats the point im trying to make.

 

[derv]

yeah can understand where you are coming from but thats the thing i really dont enjoy going down town even if i didnt have social phobia, i dont drink, i dont dance and i dont like being hemmed up in a place where u cant move and cant talk to anyone as the music is too loud. to be honest i always had the feeling that sometimes they are just taking advantage of the fact i dont drink so i can drive and they can save on taxi fare. they were a good laugh when we were 17 but at now 26+ years old they still act in the same immature way. luckily my other mates are sound and a bit more grown up

 

[pjam76]

friends

When I was younger I used to feel the same way, but as I've gotten older, I've come to the conclusion that, if i'm not going to say all that much, why would people want to hang out with me?

Relationships between, friends, lovers, family, co-workers and so on, are built on communication. If you can't communicate, there isn't much of a real relationship. It's hard to build a relationship if you never speak to people and they never learn anything about you.

it sucks sometimes, but it is the way it is. I wouldn't be friends with somebody who never really spoke to me either. So over the years, I've tried to open up some. It hasn't always worked out that way.

As far as being 26+ and not wanting to party...Hey maybe you should invite your friends out to do things you like to do. If they don't like this, then it is what it is. But don't fault people for being in their twenties.

Because sooner rather than later you'll be in your thirties, forties, and so on... There is nothing wrong, regardless of age, with people wanting to go out and party and have fun.. If you don't like this, hey, you don't like that scene. But don't blame them for liking it.

Find other things to do and invite them.. Maybe they'll like it, maybe they won't.

 

[derv]

well ive tried that, problem is they are a handful! they are very mischievious, i have seen them pull light fittings out of pub ceilings, steal road signs and put them in peoples driveways, soak people with supersoakers and a 1000 other things. so even if i take them somewhere i want to go i dread to think what mayhem they are going to cause next. i really am quite happy to leave them to it and find other friends but they aint got the hint yet lol.

 

[deleteduser]

Yeh i know what you mean. i guess we are jealous of them (deep down), even though i HATE to admit it. But the thing is, i dunno if i am. I mean, as much as i hate being a social phobic, i like the way i think, and i dunno, it seems like im more mature and have more sense than others in my class. I also have this problem. Theres this boy in my class, and every single lesson he HAS to mention the fact that im quiet. He even said that he thinks i could be the leader of a 'satanic cult' because 'psycho killers usually keep themselves to themselves.' For god's sake what is the matter with these people? Is it a crime to be quiet or something?

 

[derv]

My theory is that people want to be liked by other people , and it's easier to make someone look worse than yourself than actually prove yourself on merit. He has chosen you because you are quiet and unlikely to fight back, there's nothing wrong with being quiet but to him it makes you 'different' and a target. He may not do it totally intetionally but it certainly puts you in an awkward situation. its either that or he fancies you! hard to believe but a guy in my year at school used to royally rip the piss out of this girl every day in english, and now they are married!