Roommates!

[Beatrice]

Let me just cut to the chase: do you have to be friends with your roommate(s)? I currently have two others, but tomorrow I will be moving to a different room. I want to get along with them, and I plan on making conversation as much as I can (without being annoying :. I'm not overly shy or anything, I can talk to people, but when I feel like I'm intruding upon a conversation or something, that's when it gets awkward.....

Basically, has anyone here had any success with roommates? What have you done to hit it off with them and make things go smoothly?

I'm a little apprehensive because I really don't want to spend the rest of the school year feeling awkward and out of place in my own living space. I want to make it positive from day one.

But what if we just don't click, what if they don't talk to me even if I try? That's how it is with my current roommates, they already have a friendship and they don't really care to talk to me. I've tried, I've not been overly quiet, but I can't force myself upon them.

Comments, suggestions, advice, stories, musings?

 

[this_portrait]

Ironically, the times where I only had one roommate were not that great. My roommate from freshman year and I both just kept to ourselves mostly, and the one from sophomore year up and moved out before the end of the first semester because apparently she couldn't deal with me being the way I was (and still somewhat kinda am, though I'm not as bad as I was back then).

Junior year was the best for roommates. I had 3 of them, and even though I didn't have EVERYTHING in common with them, we all managed to get along. I think it depends on how they act, though. All of mine didn't seem to think I was intruding if I included myself in one of their conversations. If they wanted privacy, they would just go in their rooms and shut the door (or somewhere else).

I think if you can just make basic conversation, then that should be a good first impression. You don't necessarily have to be friends with them to get along (though if you want to, then more power to ya!)

 

[Beatrice]

I think if you can just make basic conversation, then that should be a good first impression. You don't necessarily have to be friends with them to get along (though if you want to, then more power to ya!)

Okay, that brings me to another point. This may sound odd, but I feel like a failure if I don't become friends with them. I feel I'm SUPPOSED to be friends with them, or that makes me a loser Is that..... accurate? I feel like if I'm not making conversation with them consistently, laughing together, etc., I am an awkward loser........

Getting along with them is no problem, really. I guess it IS more the friends part of it. I can make conversation if necessary, but..... is it a social expectation that I become close with them?

 

[this_portrait]

I don't think it's a social expectation to be like best buddies with roommates. Most of the people at my school found their roommates during their freshman and/or sophomore years, so they were already friends before rooming together. My roommates from last year and I didn't end up becoming best friends or anything, but we did still do things together (like go out to eat and whatnot). I'd say we just became well acquainted.

I can definitely relate on feeling awkward when not doing things with roommates. I would sometimes feel the same way. I wish I would've talked to them more and did more things with them, but hey, I did my best, and none of them wanted to kick me out or move out themselves.

 

[Penny420]

It's not written anywhere that you have to be friends

When you move in try simple small talk..see if they're interested in going for coffee or a bite to break the ice.

If you hit it off great!

..if you don't just try to be as civil as you can, don't worry about them, go on living your life and do what makes you happy

 

[DeadmanWalking]

Okay, that brings me to another point. This may sound odd, but I feel like a failure if I don't become friends with them. I feel I'm SUPPOSED to be friends with them, or that makes me a loser Is that..... accurate? I feel like if I'm not making conversation with them consistently, laughing together, etc., I am an awkward loser........

Getting along with them is no problem, really. I guess it IS more the friends part of it. I can make conversation if necessary, but..... is it a social expectation that I become close with them?

I don't think that you're expected to do anything. Besides, what do you owe to society? You can be friends with them, if you want to, but no one's demanding you to. The roommates I've had up to this point were nice to me, but I don't think I could call them friends since we hardly spoke with each other. You're not an awkward loser for not being friends with your roommates; don't be so hard on yourself and don't make up expectations for yourself. No one's going to hurt you for not being friends with them; just try to have a cordial relationship and you should be fine.

 

[Beatrice]

I appreciate all the responses, thank you!

This one in particular though:

I don't think that you're expected to do anything. Besides, what do you owe to society? You can be friends with them, if you want to, but no one's demanding you to. The roommates I've had up to this point were nice to me, but I don't think I could call them friends since we hardly spoke with each other. You're not an awkward loser for not being friends with your roommates; don't be so hard on yourself and don't make up expectations for yourself. No one's going to hurt you for not being friends with them; just try to have a cordial relationship and you should be fine.

You're not the first person who has told me I'm too hard on myself. I do have very high expectations for myself and when I don't meet them I feel like a failure, sometimes that feeling can be almost unbearable. I get so caught up in trying to be the person I think I SHOULD be, that I lose sight of reality and can't even tell if I'm being realistic or not (which, often, I suppose I'm not; or so I've been told).

Thank you, I'll just try my best to connect with them and if nothing comes of it, nothing comes of it. Relationships of any kind whether they be romantic, friendly, whatever... they're a two-way street and if I find myself making all the effort with no results, that's hardly my fault. I'll just have to brush the dust off and move on.