mmafan
New member
Hello. I am a male and 21 years old. I don't really have anyone to talk to so I hope by writing this I can let some of my built up feelings out.
I think things have gotten about as low as they can get. My social phobia has spiraled out of control for the last 5 years and I am to the point where I am terrified to leave my house. I have 0 friends because I have shut them all out. I wont even see members of my own family. I am afraid to go to places because I fear I will see someone I know. I am afraid to drive/go out to eat/ shop/ get a hair cut because I feel everyone is staring at me and judging me. The only work I have had the last few months is doing construction on houses my dad buys, at night and weekends when I know i wont see anybody. I couldnt even mow the front lawn because i felt like cars driving by were staring and judging me. I decided to lose weight because i thought that might be part of the problem. I lost 45 pounds and thpugh i look better I dont feel any better. As you can see I am having an EXTREMELY hard time writing this because the thoughts and feelings are just spiraling in my head and i dont know how to get them all out. I feel like i am at rock bottom. I dont have any health insurance and money which makes it very hard to get the help i know i need. On top of that I would be terrified to see a therapist. I also suffer from depression and it is so hard to drag myself out of bed because I have nothing to live for. I had been hospitalized for a suicide attempt about 2 years ago and didnt follow up with the required treatment. I still live with my parents and they are to the point where they dont know what to do with me. My 22 yr old sister was on her own at 18 and my little sister is 19 and in her own place. They both have lives and I feel like such a disgrace to my family.
Noone in my life understands what goes on in my head and i thought I was the only one in the world going through this until I started researching it on the internet. All i want is to be normal and happy again. I just want to be myself again.
I think things have gotten about as low as they can get. My social phobia has spiraled out of control for the last 5 years and I am to the point where I am terrified to leave my house. I have 0 friends because I have shut them all out. I wont even see members of my own family. I am afraid to go to places because I fear I will see someone I know. I am afraid to drive/go out to eat/ shop/ get a hair cut because I feel everyone is staring at me and judging me. The only work I have had the last few months is doing construction on houses my dad buys, at night and weekends when I know i wont see anybody. I couldnt even mow the front lawn because i felt like cars driving by were staring and judging me. I decided to lose weight because i thought that might be part of the problem. I lost 45 pounds and thpugh i look better I dont feel any better. As you can see I am having an EXTREMELY hard time writing this because the thoughts and feelings are just spiraling in my head and i dont know how to get them all out. I feel like i am at rock bottom. I dont have any health insurance and money which makes it very hard to get the help i know i need. On top of that I would be terrified to see a therapist. I also suffer from depression and it is so hard to drag myself out of bed because I have nothing to live for. I had been hospitalized for a suicide attempt about 2 years ago and didnt follow up with the required treatment. I still live with my parents and they are to the point where they dont know what to do with me. My 22 yr old sister was on her own at 18 and my little sister is 19 and in her own place. They both have lives and I feel like such a disgrace to my family.
Noone in my life understands what goes on in my head and i thought I was the only one in the world going through this until I started researching it on the internet. All i want is to be normal and happy again. I just want to be myself again.
I'm the same way, i try to only go out at night when there isn't as many people around. It can be very difficult. I got no friends and i don't like to see family as well. I even am a bit nervous to mow the front lawn to :lol: Hope you choose to stick around. 