Relationships

[Rossettismuse1]

For a male, there is nothing harder in life than finding a partner if you are S.P.

Why, oh why, do women pretend it is no different.

all a woman has to do is breathe to find a partner.

 

[galaxygirl]

I must not be breathing hard enough then...or maybe I should take some deeper breaths! I have never had a relationship, you don't just fall into them. There has got to be attraction from both sides. I've been on 2 dates in my life and even though I've been interested I've had noone call again, so don't go saying that it's easy for women!

 

[thugaveli]

Rossettismuse1 i agree with you mate, us males have to do all the chasing and when you have SP we cant chase!
The women seem to not have to chase, take for instance in a night club a lady flutters her eye lids or smiles at this guy.....Boom! thats it, its happened.....connected....fly away into the night in love and live happily ever after, 6 kids a nice big mansion, they get married and thats their security

Us guys have to give the ladies an hours load of blabbel about ourselves, intrests, ect ect.....and then after all that hard chat its not always successful

I know how it is Rossettismuse1, damn tough for a guy

 

[nerdgirl178]

Yeah its really hard for a guy to get a date or be a girls boyfriend.
I never been in a serious relationship just dated, I always backed off. Relationships are reallyh hard and especially having SA.

 

[IcanDoIt]

yeah, same goes for me too..

some girls have shown interest in me, but i just backed out, there is no way i am going to talk to girls, unless i have to..

at least now i am able to converse with them, but not for long though..

 

[Angie_05]

take for instance in a night club a lady flutters her eye lids or smiles at this guy.....Boom! thats it, its happened.....connected....fly away into the night in love and live happily ever after, 6 kids a nice big mansion, they get married and thats their security

Um...I've been hit on at clubs by guys and let me tell you, they don't want relationships, marriage, and kids.

Maybe girls get to be choosy but that is a difficult thing. I went on at least 15 dates before I found a guy I could settle down with. guys don't always treat us right or want a relationship. A lot of them pretend and then back off once they get in bed with a girl.

 

[Greenade]

I think men with SP do find it VERY hard to talk to ANYONE let alone a girl.....but i also think its unfair to say that girls have it easier... :!:

SP is hard for both sexes, i don't know if men have to prove themselves more or not, but its awkward for girls too......

I suppose i do feel that as soon as i mention how i am, and what i have, girls may back off.....(not that i ever get anywhere near this situation in the first place).

Even if a girl suffers with SP, i still feel that as soon as i mention how i am, and that i don't work or anything because of how i am, that they will see me as a saddo, and run a mile....
But she is probably feeling the same too......oh God i've confused myself now.....i'm going

Adrian

 

[KeepTheFaith01]

i know this will be disputed, but it seems to me that guys which have SP in general feel more of a need to be in a relationship than women with it do. And feel far worse about finding it so hard to approach people or make a connection, because they feel they need it more. I'm sorry if i sound ignorant or anything like that to anybody, i'm just stating how it seems.
I myself feel very bad about it sometimes, i feel as though a relationship with somebody which i truly care about and love spending time with (and felt the same in return) is one of the things which would make me happiest. But i feel very repressed when that comes to mind because it feels as though the only women which would actually ever be interested in me are other SA sufferers, seeing as i wouldn't feel as though i was being looked down on by them, and i wouldn't be doing that to them either. Unyet every girl which i have met on these websites which i have taken a shine to don't seem to have been interested either, which makes it even worse. eurgh, sorry. I know that this type of thinking isn't healthy or helpful to me at all. ive been through some things lately that have manipulated my confidence quite a bit in some very bad ways, and they've been making me think more negatively about talking to people and friendships etc. IF anybody wants to talk to me after all of this, then feel more than welcome. my email is on my profile innit

 

[angeleyez]

For a long time I thought I was the only person that had never had a boyfriend. I am 21 years old and I have never had any type of serious relationship. I've been on some dates and this guy even asked me out once but I said no because I was too scared of screwing it up. Besides it seems like all the guys I'm actually attracted to never like me back and the ones I am not attracted to do so it has never worked for me. I still have hope though that I might find some guy one day who I like and likes me back. Even though everyone around me tells me I'm too old and I should have met the person I'm supposed to marry by now.

 

[KeepTheFaith01]

It's sods law isn't it. Two girls come to mind right now which have actually liked me and wanted to be with me in the past, unyet typically i didn't really like them back. They both had pretty nasty personalities (one in particular). Oh well, maybe one day

 

[KickBackNcotch]

helloooooooo,
has this turned into a arguement about which sex has it worse?
the fact is its hard 2 meet people these days anyway, whether u suffer with s/a or not!
i personally dont find it hard 2 meet people, i have met many attractive females in the past & had many chances 2 have a relationship i would no doubt b happy in but, i find myself shying off because im ashamed of my problem & find myself pretending 2 myself i dont really want them 2 avoid feeling foolish infront of a girl i actually respect & look up 2!
i know its silly & sad but thats the way i feel & im sure im not on my own.

2 all those in a relationship...?

does your partner know about your problem or do u prefer 2 keep it hidden?

if he/she does know, what was it like telling them? how did they react?

thanx

 

[angiepangie]

guys why argue about which sex gets worse sa.I have been asked out by many a guy since havin sa over 4 years but its so painfull because they always want to go on big dinner dates with other people and other social stuff i just couldnt hack.I always pull these cocky confident lads and when ive had a drink im as cheeki as them but when asked to go round and watch a dvd i get anxiety about that so just say im not intrested.One guy i was seein asked me what i looked for in a guy i said a kind heart soulmate type.i asked him what do you look for in a woman he said confidence! I thought oh fuck thats me ruled out then!!! Its hard for all of us. As women its easy to pull but its makin them want 2 see you again thats the hard part especially with sa.I just say never sleep with someone one a one night stand basis its not good for your self asteem or confidence...... xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[ColdAsIce]

I have only been in one relationship myself, since I was 16 and I'm still with him now. The reason why we get on is because we are both on a mutual level of understanding, I think this is important. He doesn't have Sp or Sa but hes shy and thats why we work so well.

I can understand why guys with sp may feel they have it worse but personally from a girls point of view I find shy lads more attractive because for me the confident, cocky ones seem way too intimidating for me anyway..... 8)

 

[Skyla]

does your partner know about your problem or do u prefer 2 keep it hidden?

if he/she does know, what was it like telling them? how did they react?

is anyone gonna answer this? id like to know too.

 

[angiepangie]

I told my ex i was feelin strange and he knew i was avoidin things because of sp in the end he got fucked off with me.He always wanted to visit his family and id make excuses.we split because of it reallyand it was a breath of fresh air not being hastled all the time too. xxxxxxxxxxxx what happened with you?

 

[KickBackNcotch]

sup peeps,
just read ur post, i can sympostise with u completely wen it comes 2 the meetin parents thing ect... its a nightmare!
& wen it comes 2 cocky lads, i USED 2 b 1, once! duno wat happened!
wen im drunk im fine, i lose all my anxiety & sort of turn in 2 the real me if that makes sense!
my problem is i keep meetin gorgeous girls that im really into & do the idiot thing of makin out im not interested wen really i'd love 2 start something with them, does my head in! grrrr!

wen it comes 2 which sex suffers most, i really dont no & 2 b honest dont care, if u'v got the problem were all sufferin the same!

as 4 the comment that men r after 1 thing, dont tar us all with the same brush... NOT TRUE! if a good man meets a good girl he'l let her no & b true & faithful.

 

[latin_londoner]

I think that it's difficult for both men and women who have SA (when it comes to relationships). In some ways it is more difficult for men with SA, when it comes to sex. Men have much higher sex drives than women, and when men also have SA, this begins a frustrating cycle. They feel deep desire for sex and relationships, but cannot flirt with and ask out women because of their SA, which leaves us lonely and sexually frustrated.
I'm 23 and have never been in a relationship before. I also do not agree whatsoever that relationships just 'happen' when you're not looking for them. It takes work, perseverance and guts to find that special someone.

 

[dave1976]

my relationship is failing because of sp i have 2 kids help

 

[legin]

8)

 

[KevVversion1]

helloooooooo,
has this turned into a arguement about which sex has it worse?
the fact is its hard 2 meet people these days anyway, whether u suffer with s/a or not!
i personally dont find it hard 2 meet people, i have met many attractive females in the past & had many chances 2 have a relationship i would no doubt b happy in but, i find myself shying off because im ashamed of my problem & find myself pretending 2 myself i dont really want them 2 avoid feeling foolish infront of a girl i actually respect & look up 2!
i know its silly & sad but thats the way i feel & im sure im not on my own.

2 all those in a relationship...?

does your partner know about your problem or do u prefer 2 keep it hidden?

if he/she does know, what was it like telling them? how did they react?

thanx

My first serious relationship didnt come until I was 25 due to sp... I had a fake life I had invented to impress girls when I finally started chatting to them because if I couldnt tell them the truth then what else could I say???... so I basically lied to her for the first 3 monhs but eventually I needed to know wether she loved me for me or just who she thought I was. So one night when I was drunk it all came out on the phone, I was convinced she would leave me because she would feel sorry for me but not fancy me anymore. Luckily she is a special girl and we are still together over 2 years later now. It turned out that she lied about a few things to impress me as well and I was actually her first boyfriend as well and she has similar type feelings to me about social situations. It brought us closer together and we now tell each other everything about how we feel and are not ashamed at all because we know we wont judge each other.

I always thought if I had a good relationship I would be fine but although it has improved my confidence I still struggle with a lot of things. I feel like a faliure as a man because I cant provide her with what Im supposed to. We would love to get married and be a "normal" couple but unfortunatly although our relationship is ready for it... I cannot get there due to my sp and constantly fear that some "normal" guy will come along and offer her what I cant...

I havent heard anybody mention it on here but has anybody used alcohol to try and overcome things???... that is my biggest problem as I just will not confront situations unless I have had a drink. I had a job for 6 months doing telesales but I drank too much to do it so had to leave... I so badly want a job to provide my gf and me with what we both want that I use alcohol as a quick fix and have had job interviews using it. Anybody else had experience with this?