Relationships vs. escape to fantasy


New member
I've read that people with AvPD have a tendency to escape to fantasy. I can relate, as I've hid in fantasies and daydreams many times in my life, from early childhood and all the way up to present day. The types of fantasy/daydream have varied over the years, but many of them are undoubedtly a coping mechanism, and a way to fight depression, loneliness, insecurities, etc.

I think a lot of the reasons for our tendencies to fantasize/daydream can be narrowed down to at least three keywords ... and each new fantasy/daydream can be caused by one of the keywords/reasons alone, or several at the same time:

Escape - life is too much to deal with, so a fantasy bubble is more pleasant
Safety - fantasies and daydreams of situations and circumstances that don't pose the same threats that real life do at that moment
Compensation - whenever we don't feel good enough, smart enough, interesting enough, sexy enough and so forth, we create scenarios in our minds where we are in complete control, and are the most amazing people ever

But what if you're in a relationship? How understanding and accepting should one's own partner be when it comes to one's need to daydream and fantasize a bit?

It's definitely a tricky subject, especially if one sometimes have a tendency towards fantasies and daydreams of a sexual nature, as one's partner might take it the wrong way, as if one is unhappy with one's partner. Some partners might even be of the opinion that if you're creating such scenarios in your mind, you're being emotionally unfaithful. But is that really the case?

And what about wanting to play video games, watch movies, read books, etc. instead of going out, being social with one's partner's family members, and so forth? Some partners might interpret that as you not being interested in your partner's family, or that you're selfish and no fun.

How can we make them understand what it's really about? And should they be required to make a better effort to understand in order to be our partners? Is that a reasonable demand?