Re: How should someone deal with this problem?

[Shyguest]

Re: How should someone deal with this problem?

Hi,

I am so depressed about how this sa ruins our lives. The thing is, nobody would ever believe I even have the condition. I have almost been convinced by others that I don't have sa and that I'm simply overreacting to a case of shyness. Except, I'm sure that this is not shyness - I worry too much about people's reactions, I won't answer the telephone incase it's someone who will in some way make me feel inferior, I won't answer the door to people, I'll go and hide in the other room. I analyse every situation and it can get me really depressed. I only go out of the house when I have to and guess what - I have been to see so many psychologists that I have almost given up on changing my ways. I seem to need continual assurance that I'm accepted. I'm scared of someone being better than me and I'm very self-conscious and can't even stay in the same room as the people closest to me - apart from partner, who also has a go at me for acting so strange.

Do you know who I feel I can relate to these days? Please don't laugh.
I actually feel happier going to see the calves down on our farm. I can cuddle them and feel like I'm not so stressed. I have been in a relationship that is probably stale by now. His ex-wife has made my life unbearable, since he tends to see her point of view more than mine. I have no friends that I'm in contact with because I'm really afraid of being let down. I don't know what to think of humans anymore, I can't feel at ease with most people. However, at least I can interact with everyone here, please don't send any harsh replies.

I really have tried to get over this thing. I have also been out of a job for over 5 years, having left really good jobs where people thought I was allright in a normal situation. Except I could never feel at ease and eventually when my partner's ex-wife started threatening me it sort of led to me giving up my job and I haven't worked outside the house since.

Anyone want to add anything to this discussion?

 

[spurs]

it's not stupid that you feel you can relate to animals!
i love being around animals(apart from all the mess) and nature. that is when i feel most calm and at ease too. i think being around animals is very therapeutic.
your husbands ex sounds like a bitch. sounds like she can see a wekness and is preying on it. don't give her that power.
at least it sounds like you're the only one who notices your anxiety. u said the people at your work thought you behaved "normally" so that's a positive.
i don't have a solution(if i did i wouldn't have SA!) but i empathise with u!
there's lots of good stuff in previous threads about coping techniques and how to get better so they may help you.

 

[Alexp]

Hi Shyguest

Thanks for posting. I just want to say that I can wholeheartedly relate to most of what you saying. I've experienced the same kind of feelings for years.

My problem and maybe its similar to you is that I have incredibly high expectations of myself. Many times I'm scared that I cant live up to my own expectations that I would rather hide then face it. In my own eyes, I always had to be perfect, in every single thing I did. If someone did something better then me, I would think I was worthless and get depressed.

All through my life, people thought I was overly shy...they had no idea the anguish and overanalyzing I did 24 hours a day.

I love animals and nature too, they dont judge you or hate you because you dont live up to expectations. They dont let you down either.

I agree with spurs that it sounds like the husbands ex is the preying type that uses people. If possible, stay as far away.

Dont give up hope though...theres much you can do to overcome these problems.

If you do have those high expectations, try your best to shed them immediately. Those expectations will give you guilt and depression every single day of the year. Its okay to make mistakes and not be perfect. Thats probably the most important part of it - atleast it was for me.

You said that you are afraid of friends letting you down as well. Possibly you may also have high expectations of of the world around you. That will lead to anger and depression every day of the year as well. Try your best to lower that as well if possible.

Feel free to email if you would like or post more information. No one will judge you or make fun of you here.

 

[Shyguest]

Hi,

Thank you Spurs and Alexp for your advice. I have always had affection for animals and they help to make me feel accepted with sa. I don't have to try and be someone else. If only there were more people like that.

 

[Danfalc]

I think you should really try and speak to your partner about how bad things really are for you and that you need more support,and that he needs to start sticking up for you after all hes with you know not his ex,and when your ill thats the last thing you need as its hard to cope with any sort of stress when you ill.

Anxiety is really hard as ya know but your not doing anything wrong,your not being awkward you have an illness and i think maybe if you can feel a bit more/happy secure with your homelife you sorta have a foundation to then work from?.

 

[Shyguest]

Hi,

Thank you for the support Danfalc. I've got myself into a rut since I've been in this relationship for 10 years and haven't been able to sort things out. I can't get the way his ex used to treat me out of my mind, it's as though her actions are still having an effect on me now. I've been told to get over it since it happened a long time in the past. You know what?
I think it's the fact that she was trying to prove that she had power over me that made things go wrong in the relationship really. It's like she was trying to prove something. Try saying that to my partner though.