Re: Anyone with advice?

[Shyguest]

Re: Anyone with advice?

Hi,

I have been in a situation where I only go out of the house say once a week shopping. I am not really in contact with any friends and don't go and visit people.

Anyway, the other day I was invited to go and meet a person who was once a social phobic and is totally at ease with going places now. I haven't met her yet, although my partner told her about my problem with facing people and that type of thing.

Deep down I know I should go and meet this person as she is quite a bit older than me and perhaps could help me to at least have someone who understands this problem. However, I can't make myself go and see her, although I think that I should since she has told me that she would really like to meet me.

Can anyone give some advice?

 

[Septor]

She's someone that can relate to you and some one you can get inspiration from.I know it's been said many time before here but to get better you have to take risks.Take the risk and you will most likely be better for it.You have to measure the positive and the negative to doing this.Then decide if you want to do this or not.

Good luck

 

[Boundless]

As said you should take the risk,she as a previous sufferer will fully understand how you feel and will no doubt make it easier for you to feel comfortable,you may as well give it your best shot.Yes you may feel uneasy when you get there but i bet it soon changes when you settle down and get talking,i would try it my self even tho im in roughly the same position as you.

 

[Reholla]

Seriously do it! no matter how difficult, or how much anxiety youre feeling that day, it could really be a break through for you.

As some one who has been thru couseling where the psychologist had no idea what I meant by anxiety, to have a chance to meet w/ someone who has been thru it and UNDERSTANDS and not only sympathyzes, but EMpathyzes, because they know exactly what you mean when you describe what youre going through.

For me, I was in such a rut that at one point, I was like well it cant get much worse than where im at now. I was like i might as well go out and do stuff. It turned out that helped, and I am still working at it evveryday. But maybe that could work for you. Give it a shot. What do you really have to loose. ONLY YOUR ANXIETY!!

 

[Heartbeat]

I went through a social phobia clinic and one thing useful I learnt was to rate how much I could cope with things. For instance - going to the supermarket for me was a 75% cope rate. Going to a party - about 15%. Holding a party - not a snowflake's hope in hell. They encouraged you to practice things that you thought you had 75% chance of coping with, and to build up to the more difficult things.

Maybe it would help to give meeting this woman a 'cope rating'. If it's really low I wouldn't recommend it until you feel ready. Maybe you can find a way to give it a 75%. Eg, would it be better if she came to your home? Or could you manage a short visit like 10 minutes? Would it be better to meet somewhere neutral like a park? Would it help to plan a list of questions so you know you have something to talk about? Would it help to exchange letters before having a personal meeting?

If this woman is genuine then I'm sure she'll be completely understanding. I'm wary of people who say they've been cured of social phobia. She might not be saying that at all - but it could be one topic of conversation. And if you do go and get some tips - hey let us all know! I'd love to be totally at ease going anywhere!

 

[Shyguest]

Hi,

Thank you all for all your support regarding this problem. To let you know that I actually went to see the woman I was referring to and I suppose it went ok. The thing is, I didn't realise that I'd have to meet her husband and 2 sons as well! I have to admit that was a bit much and I pretended that I was ok with it. This is what I always do when I'm in a situation like this and it doesn't seem to get any easier to socialise. :?

Anyway, I don't think she's had social phobia since she is confident and seems to really like having people there. We didn't talk anything at all about the phobia, only about general things, which I find hard to talk about. I tend to like to talk deep about things, such as we do here I suppose. I think she has had some problems in her past which probably did involve some kind of social issues.

She is a nice person and she absolutely loves animals which is something I can really relate to. I have a feeling that she is quite lonely and wants me to able to feel at ease with her. Do you know what's weird though?
I honestly don't think it would be any easier to go and see her the next time.

Do any of you here feel like that with people? I seem to find it easier to meet people for the first time than meeting up with them again. I struggle about knowing what to talk about. I am not very interested in talking about day to day things which is what people tend to do really, isn't it? I wonder why I am like this?

 

[Shyguest]

Hi,

Yes, the thing is though talking smalltalk doesn't inspire me to make contact again with them. However, I think the person I went to see could probably talk about anything really, which is good.

What I find the hardest at the moment is actually going out of the house as it makes me feel really exposed to the people who live on this estate. I'm allright when it's night time, well at least I'm better about going out anyway.

Do you know when I see people I actually pretend I'm not shy and you'd think that this would help me to overcome this social phobial. Everytime I go out of the house it feels the same amount of anxiety. I thought that doing things continually would eventually help me to overcome the phobia.

I am so frustrated as I am letting this thing control my life. I have tried for years to combat this phobia.

NIce to hear from you anyway.