chris11
Well-known member
As ridiculous as this may sound, here it is. The people at my university think that, for one reason or anouther, that I'm ' ****ing brilliant (their words).' Of course, I disagree with their inturpertation as I know that I am no where near as talented as the people who are actually getting things done in the field that I'm interested in. They expect me to be able to solve every single problem that they have trouble with in no time at all. This one time, these guys were working on a problem for over 3 hours, without making much progress. Then, they tell me the problem, and I don't solve it right away, and while I'm sitting there thinking, they're looking at me like it's a big deal for me to have to think about something. I eventually solved the problem, in about 10 minutes (I think they just misunderstood something), but I feel horrible about it because they somehow expected that I would solve it immeditly, and I can not possibly expect to live up to this expectation. So, I have no doubt that I'm going to be a disapointment after a disapointment to these people. Of course, the only reason why anyone ever talks to be is because they're working on some problem that they're having difficulty with. I'm supposedly this guy who's only value is his ability (which I think is far less than they think) to solve problems. And, of course, I think that they're probally right because I have esencially stoped music, and I have no social skills. And it's not like I don't have difficulty sometimes-- I do. Of course, if I were to ask any of them for some help or clarification, it would be this big deal and my entire value to these people would go to zero. Further, I'm starting to get more and more depressed (as is typical), and am finding it harder to stay motivated. I don't consider myself smart, and I certainly don't consider myself socially valuable--I have no idea how I would be able to deal with people's personal issues, and I can't bring myself to disscuss the usual issues (politics, religious belief, eccetera) since, well, I'll naturally end up offending them because everyone around me is a fundementalist christian. I have no idea what I would do if I were to find myself in a relationship, and I have no idea how these things work. I hate life. It sucks. I probally would have been happier if I had gone into music, but, of course, I would just end up being poor for the rest of my life--not that a future in my choosen subject is at all promising of financial security. I just feel like giving up.