Sweetdarlin
New member
To those interested,
I found this site the other day and I didn't ever think to find others. By "others" I mean people who understand that panic and anxiety don't just happen to them when you have to make a speech or speak to someone in authority. When I was young I always knew something was a bit off about me. I would cry when my parents were late picking me up from school or when I thought they weren't listening. It wasn't because I was a weak, even though that's what I've been called, it was because of this fear I had of being forgotten.
As I've grown older, that little girl crying for her parents isn't there anymore. There are times I still have the fear of being forgotten but instead of crying I just turn into myself. Because "gowning up" or "becoming an adult" means that turning to your parents for comfort isn't an option anymore. (I want to add that even though I keep referencing my parents this doesn't necessarily mean I'm close to them. I just mean parents in the context of, someone to turn to or in the sense of guidance.)
I'm writing this in my college library on the eve of my final week as a freshmen in college. It didn't turn out the way I thought it would. I have always prided myself on being good in my academics but this year has been a wake up call. Last night, my father said he was so proud of me completing my first year, almost to the brink of tears in his eyes, and all I could think was "you have no idea how I'm really doing".
That's all I really want to share at this moment. I'm not sure why but my mind has gone blank. Maybe it's because i just left my final class with more work to go and I just needed to let things out. Well, if anyone reads this, thank you. Knowing my words and thoughts are not in me anymore, mucking around in the slivers of my brain, brings me comfort.
- Sweetdarlin'
I found this site the other day and I didn't ever think to find others. By "others" I mean people who understand that panic and anxiety don't just happen to them when you have to make a speech or speak to someone in authority. When I was young I always knew something was a bit off about me. I would cry when my parents were late picking me up from school or when I thought they weren't listening. It wasn't because I was a weak, even though that's what I've been called, it was because of this fear I had of being forgotten.
As I've grown older, that little girl crying for her parents isn't there anymore. There are times I still have the fear of being forgotten but instead of crying I just turn into myself. Because "gowning up" or "becoming an adult" means that turning to your parents for comfort isn't an option anymore. (I want to add that even though I keep referencing my parents this doesn't necessarily mean I'm close to them. I just mean parents in the context of, someone to turn to or in the sense of guidance.)
I'm writing this in my college library on the eve of my final week as a freshmen in college. It didn't turn out the way I thought it would. I have always prided myself on being good in my academics but this year has been a wake up call. Last night, my father said he was so proud of me completing my first year, almost to the brink of tears in his eyes, and all I could think was "you have no idea how I'm really doing".
That's all I really want to share at this moment. I'm not sure why but my mind has gone blank. Maybe it's because i just left my final class with more work to go and I just needed to let things out. Well, if anyone reads this, thank you. Knowing my words and thoughts are not in me anymore, mucking around in the slivers of my brain, brings me comfort.
- Sweetdarlin'
