As topic writes,my life is total disaster,im almost 30 years old,never had a girlfriend,always was the shy one ,or lazy in doing things.
And now since im almost 30 i look at myself every day,i have no career doing low paid job,that drives me to rage and anxiety,then i have to deal with constant fear and anxiety from meeting old friends or just new people,as for entire life almost i lived isolated,just me,skipped at everything i could events,parties,studying.I did have friends and still are with some people,but when i look up on them or get to speak,i feel that im stuck in childhood,where everyone else have carriers,family,girlfriends and just living life the way they want it.
I mentioned feeling like child because couple times a week id have vivid dreams when i still was in my teens,there were bullying and bad stuff happening to me,but i had nice circle of friends and some really good times-parties,just gathering to discuss different topics,hobbies,travels.And many of those things got engraved into my mind,and when i sleep i feel good,sometimes id have also bad dream from my teens bullying etc,school where anxiety started but,the thing that i cant shake is,that ive never moved on with my life in general,and when i think that i will be in same spot 10 years later just makes me depressed,or either getting angry at small stuff and just wanting to went all my energy onto someone :kickingmyself: .
Anyway posted this just to see if someone is going thru same emotions,daily life in still motion.
And now since im almost 30 i look at myself every day,i have no career doing low paid job,that drives me to rage and anxiety,then i have to deal with constant fear and anxiety from meeting old friends or just new people,as for entire life almost i lived isolated,just me,skipped at everything i could events,parties,studying.I did have friends and still are with some people,but when i look up on them or get to speak,i feel that im stuck in childhood,where everyone else have carriers,family,girlfriends and just living life the way they want it.
I mentioned feeling like child because couple times a week id have vivid dreams when i still was in my teens,there were bullying and bad stuff happening to me,but i had nice circle of friends and some really good times-parties,just gathering to discuss different topics,hobbies,travels.And many of those things got engraved into my mind,and when i sleep i feel good,sometimes id have also bad dream from my teens bullying etc,school where anxiety started but,the thing that i cant shake is,that ive never moved on with my life in general,and when i think that i will be in same spot 10 years later just makes me depressed,or either getting angry at small stuff and just wanting to went all my energy onto someone :kickingmyself: .
Anyway posted this just to see if someone is going thru same emotions,daily life in still motion.
Last week I lost five "friends" because I was so depressed and didn't want to talk to anyone. But then these people got angry and they said everything what they think about me. One of the thing that they all said to me is that I'am too childish and they suggest to me to grow up