Question about eye contact

[froghat]

Whenever I look directly into someone's eyes for more than a few seconds I get nervous and can't focus on what they're saying. Do you think if I looked at their shoulders instead, it would still look like I'm making eye contact? What do you guys do?

 

[Psychedelicious]

Probably not. You can usually tell when a person it directly staring into your eyes. So you can also probably tell if they're not. Plus if you're talking to someone and break the eye contact, they might think your purposely not trying to look at them.

 

[YankeeBob]

suggestion

Practice look at their left ear for 15 seconds , then looking away as if you are gathering your thoughts. Then back to the ear....smile.....and ask them a question.

My wife asserts that some of us have developed a habit of staring...something I am doing less and less.

Hope that helps.

 

[tpdarlo]

Try to focus on what they're saying - focus on every word and its meaning. This way you will forget about your anxiety. The brain can't think of two things at exactly the same time (no computer can either - all calculations are done sequentially).

 

[froghat]

Yeah, if only it was that easy. I'm always distracted by the eyes.

 

[tpdarlo]

It's not easy - you need to train yourself. Try it the next time you're in this situation. You can train yourself to become less distracted, to focus, to switch on and switch off. Heck, Quang Duc had such a well trained mind he could set himself on fire and burn to death without even flinching. That is focus my friend.

 

[GauZ]

its like ...effective and persistent eye contact helps in showing interest in engaging conversation for long time .......u can close ur eyes for few secs ..as if ur concentrating ...look at the hair ...nose ..bt try to look at the eye more often than not ...try to loook deep in it ...practise it at home with family ..or with close colleagues....its not proper to run away from it for long ...face challenge ...cuz winning one will surely prop u up ...

u will surely feel better once u start engaging ppl in conversations by maintaining eye contact ...all u need is ...JUST A START!

 

[Atlantis]

There is many people who don't make eye contact. Try making eye contect all the time in a conversation, it is the person that will try to avoid your eyes.

Its weird if you look in the eyes all the time. There is people who avoid eye contact too and live with that they don't try to fix it.

Anyway I think it can be a good training against SA. You could try beginning by giving short looks, you don't need to stay focused during the entire conversation.

 

[ljwwriter]

I tend to look away a lot. If I focus too much on the fact that I'm not making eye contact I'll get this really weird feeling and my heart will start racing. It can be humiliating if whoever I'm talking to notices. I hope and pray that it never happens to me in a job interview. It's so strange.

 

[Atlantis]

Just look at their eyes !

If or when you get nervous, you look away. Its not a big problem for me.

Even them will not look at your eyes all the time. If you get the impression you are leaving them a little nervous, its normal. Just look away and don't get depressed because of that.

 

[j_brown87]

This eye contact problem is my biggest biggest problem. I got this belive that I got this uncomfortable anxiety look you know like I am staring at people with those big eyes. If i wouldnt have that problem my SA would be gone. But at the moment it makes me sick. I feel so uptight when i look someone in the eye because i know iam staring at them with those big eyes then because i fear it so much. It so bad I look like a zombie.