Pursuing love.

[WaryAdversary]

Hello everyone. It is a pleasure to be here, and I'm happy to meet you all. I must admit (for the desire of being as honest as possible) that I do not have social phobias or anxieties. I'm a pretty kind, and very open and friendly to everyone I meet. I try to spark conversations with just about anyone to try and get them to smile.

Recently, I feel I have fallen for a girl who I have been trying to impress and get to like me as well. I quickly learned that she had social anxiety, and I have no idea how to approach it. Obviously being straight forward will just throw her out of her place of comfort, and I don't want to do that. But neither do I just want to give up on her. I want to be able to sacrifice, and earn a way for her to be comfortable with me. To open up to me.

I'm sorry if this wasn't communicated well. It's about four in the morning, so I'm working on reserve power.

Thank you for reading, and I hope to hear your thoughts and opinions.

-WaryAdversary

 

[Waybuloo]

Hi there,

Sorry but what a lucky girl she is, you are every SAer's dream

Are you her classmate or workmate? From my point of view, I would like for someone to approach me with warmth, someone who encourages me to do things but are not overtly pushy. Just a 'hi' and a random conversation starter would be nice. Smile, pay a compliment, look at her, but not stare. Is there a mutal friend who might be able to introduce you guys?

 

[WaryAdversary]

We're classmates. And unfortunately there isn't anyone to better acquaint us.

This seems to have run through her family, so she was homeschooled which makes it even more difficult.

I am amazingly warm, kind, and happy. I go to great lengths to get her to smile, but what might be regularly considered a que or hint at my feelings for her, she kind of pushes it away. There's an obvious attraction but... I dunno. I wish there was something I could do.

Right now, it feels hopeless, and it breaks my heart feeling unable to connect in this way. Being unable to get past this wall. This position of being a distant friend and nothing more...

-WaryAdversary

 

[Hoth]

what might be regularly considered a que or hint at my feelings for her, she kind of pushes it away

A socially anxious person may instinctively push away anything like that, just because it's uncomfortable. We're generally terrible at putting out hints of our own, and suck at small talk. I don't think hinting around will ever get you anywhere. Try being direct -- honest and open. Cut through the maze of social customs and express what you're thinking. Ask her if she wants to do [insert low-pressure activity that might or might not be considered a date] with you. Try to talk to her when there are few people around, she'll probably be less nervous then.

Disclaimer: You are now taking relationship advice from someone who's never been within a mile of one. Use of advice may cause humiliation or rejection. Do not operate heavy machinery while using advice, or she won't hear you. I hereby reject all liability for the consequences of any application of aforementioned advice. Advice void in Alaska, Hawaii and Puerto Rico.

 

[WaryAdversary]

I have already been direct. And it left it ridiculously ambivalent. I don't know. It's all such a silly situation. She stopped talking to me for awhile after it. Not because she doesn't like me, but, I dunno.

I want what's best for her. : / And I wonder if I can actually be anywhere near that.

-Wary

 

[freestylemonster]

I'd say what I hate most about a girl liking me is that they give up too fast before I feel comfortable enough to open up to them. Just stick with her! And don't let her not responding much discourage you, she'll get more and more comfortable every time you talk to her!

 

[TooShyShy]

Its very hard to walk away but its also very hard to hang in there..i know how you feel. It can get very frustrating but at the same time walking away feels just as bad.

I am currently dealing with the same thing, a shy guy at work whom i care alot about but has alot of anxiety and can't seem to get comfortable around me the way he is with everyone else...he is like two completely different people. With me he's quiet, shy, nervous, etc. With everyone else he's funny, talkative, a jokester, etc.

I wish i had some advice for you :?

 

[lettypagb]

youre in love with someone who has sa ,lol thats like the opposite.try to talk to her and just talk all the time ,give her gifts ,stay with her.