Beware the stimulant...
Stimulants are what caused my social anxiety and has ruined my social life. I started it back in September and I began noticing around mid-October how awkward I was in conversations. On breaks at school, people I normally hang out with would be standing around chatting as usual and I just felt COMPLETELY out of place. It was as though I couldn't think of anything to say during any subject and was just outkast from the group all together. I feel so insecure just standing around and saying nothing and it seems like no matter how hard I try, I just can't be as sociable, outgoing, and happy when I'm on it. All I can do is focus on serious things, I will even do homework during breaks now just to get it done and do something productive while everyone else is grabbing coffee or lunch. It's depressing because I was always known as the "fun one" because I was hyper with my ADHD and always laughing or partying, people loved being around me, and now I feel like I am being isolated from groups and I think people perceive me as boring. New kids I meet at school seem totally uninterested because I can't maintain a conversation or I come off as not interested in what they have to say. Some girls even tell me I look way too serious at school sometimes and will come off looking bitchy or unapproachable. I don't even notice when it happens, but I guess I get this really serious/concentrated expression on my face just from focusing on something or reviewing something for school, even if I'm doing it in my head.
There are days when I wish I had never started adderall because now I feel as though I can't function without it, since I know how good it is on it, and how much better I can do. Things are so much easier to accomplish now that I have tried adderall and even when it starts wearing off at night I hate doing my homework because I can immediately tell the difference. However, I definitely miss my social life and all the people I used to be close with who are slowly fading away due to my distance and lack of communication. I have never been so self-conscious and almost depressed from the lack of social acceptance in my entire life. But I know that school is more important than my social life because I should worry about my future, rather than dating, parties, and having fun. It's just really hard.
I am happy to have found someone who actually feels the same way from the same medication! I would be willing to talk to you, or even IM you and chat because I feel so alone in this type of situation, and I would love to have someone to communicate with as well about these type of discussions most people don't understand. I have so many more examples/questions regarding this same topic and would love to compare feelings/situations to yours and see if we could try and help each other out. I know this is strange since we don't know one another but it is also ironic I happened to see your question when I wasn't even searching for anything to do with medication and I have been thinking about the social situation in my life nonstop and all alone. Adderall absorbed my personality and took over the fun, energetic, happy person I used to be.
Just be careful.
