Problems with men

[Azahara]

I´m really desperate. From my adolescense I have been feelling the same. I´m a woman and I always found very difficult, when not impossible to go closed guys or men.
I´m been wondering so much about it. The only possible explanations I´ve found are that I never felt my father´s love, social education (from the beggining society teachs That there are two different roles for males and females, perhaps I has a wrong concept about men.
The fact is that I´m very uncomfortable with most of men, I see them as threatening.
Men, Women, guys, girls! Do you feel the same?
If so, Have you found some explanation whin can help me?

That´s mostly happen to me with more or less men same age like mine. Sexual taboos, I suppose. :wink:

Thank you. Strenght and honour for everyone in this forum!

 

[Helyna]

I'm a bit paranoid about boys and young men. Older adults sometimes seem safe. That doesn't make sense, does it? I always think that the boys at my school only want sex or something. I feel guilty about it because it's really wrong to be assuming things like that. Plenty of them are perfectly nice.

 

[JonnyD]

hope i'm not invading the girls club here

lol i feel this way, but just the way back, since i'm a guy ... to me it's like women is very critical and just want perfect man, not just for relationships , but for friends. Whenever i'm around women i'm very self conciousness, and generally i act like i'm dumb or something.

I'm this way with new people, but with women it's worst :/

Actually it's not based on something real, because i've met some great girls before.

 

[Azahara]

I desagree

Helyna wrote:
Plenty of them are perfectly nice.[/color


How can you say there are lots of men nice? Sorry guys!

Perhaps in your generation is different, but not mine. I was teached to keep my honesty, in another way you were a bitch. And men were tought to be very carefull with girls who give the first step, even without sexual intention.
Many walls to destroy, aren´t they?
Thank you for your reply and the information of the new forum.

 

[Argamemnon]

I'm uncomfortable in the presence of men and women !!

Azahara, why would you want to feel close to a man, if you already have a boyfriend?

 

[Azahara]

It´s clearly, my dear Watson!

That´s not enough. Society is plenty of men and women and you have to interact with everybody. At job, celebrations, in the street, your neighbours, friends of your husband......I feel really uncomfortable in these situations.
Anyway is a part of the therapy. 8O

 

[Anonymous-User]

My single serious problem with men is trusting them. I think most men are incredibly selfish. Heck look at me, I'm a man and I'm completely selfish. But I'm also a basket-case, so maybe I'll be less selfish when I finish working out my problems.

 

[Azahara]

Replay

I´m seldfish too. It doesn´t matters. It´s a fault many people has. 8O

 

[vitalis]

Azahara, I have the same problem than you and I don't think it's because of the men or women are some way or another, it's basically tied to ourselves. Everytime that a girl tries to approach me I just became very nervous and escape from the situation. So whatever is the core reason of the problem, it's clear that is something related to the disorder.

 

[weak]

I always think that the boys at my school only want sex or something. I feel guilty about it because it's really wrong to be assuming things like that. Plenty of them are perfectly nice.

You shouldn't feel guilty for thinking that. For the most part, it's true. I know it's a huge generalization, but the average males between 18 to 30 are after sex and nothing more. They dont want marriage and they dont want commitment. Of course they wont tell you this, quite the opposite actual;y. They will tell you whatever you need to hear for them to get between your legs.

There's plenty of exceptions to this, but you wont find em at bars or parties. Gotta dig deep.

 

[joeljjison]

Humans are generally selfish.

Right, I'm a guy. Most of my close friends are female. I think the reason this is possible is because I have never thought of any of them sexually. I don't think of them as women, or guy like. I just associate the name with who they are.

I hear masses of generalizations by girls about guys, which I learn to ignore. I'd rather prove them wrong by being who i am, than arguing about it... besides i agree with negative generalizations. Because i dislike humans for the most part... i think 'most guys/most girls' would be more accurate as 'most people'. I also hear lots of generalizations from guys towards girls... and if ever i refute them.. well, its not good... like maybe im gay, or maybe im stuck up.. thats what people think.. just because i view guys and girls as the same thing... and i dont like stupid generalizations that only apply to one of them.

Theres a type of guy that thinks if someone is female and hot, and your friend, you should try something. If your a guy with a 'hot' female friend (it is possible to not fancy someone if they look nice... its just a matter of how you view them), i bet people ask you if you hang around with her 'is she your girlfriend', and 'how comes you havn't tried anything' and 'you should get in there mate'...

So many people have that attitude.. or a part of it... and they don't even realize. i would have thought its the way of thinking that makes women worried around guys, cos its so common , and is a prelude to more directly bad attitudes.

 

[Ubersonic]

This article is titled: Why Men Want Sex and Women Want Love
http://www.sosuave.com/articles/why.htm


"The reason humans want sex is due to the hormone testosterone, which is predominantly male hormone. A normal male's body produces 20 times more of this hormone than a female's.

In other words, a male feels the same way after one day without sex as a female after 20 days without sex. A male that has not had sex in 20 days feels the same way as a female after more than a year without sex.


Wow it sucks to be us lol.

 

[Riiya]

[Monthly post deletion.]

 

[Hoth]

It's always funny when high school dropouts write science articles and try to draw out their rationalizations in detail.

According to a more reliable source at the BBC, a similar percentage of men and women want frequent sex until they get into a long term relationship, at which point women don't want any anymore.

 

[Jenniee]

,.,.,..,.,.

 

[Havocan]

Most men will start of so nice, but it's all a front so they can get sex out of you!

There's not a man on Earth who doesn't want to shag a girl if they get the chance unless they're gay, have a girlfriend or are not attracted to the girl. The difference lies in if they are willing to wait for the girl to be ready, respect her limits and want a long-lasting relationship as opposed to the narrow-minded players who are only looking to score as much as possible^^.

 

[licorice]

I would hate to agree with Jenniee but I have experienced it several times myself...I have met men and they came off as being the most honorable,chivalrous,good intentioned people and went all out trying to impress and court me then after some time has passed/we have been intimate for some time/I decide to give a relationship a chance all of that changes or at least it calms down....Complacency sets in,the novelty has worn off and reality sets in...What would be mind blowing is to meet someone who isnt such a phony in the beginning and who would(after we've been together a while)do thoughtful things that dont necessarily cost alot out of the blue to show me that he loves and cares for me. This is why its a red flag when someone comes on too strong in the beginning,most of the time its phony,in my opinion...

 

[TAMPA-BAY]

became very nervous and escape from the situation. So whatever is the core reason of the problem, it's clear that is something related to the disorder.

Vitalis you hit the nail right on the head. We dont fear people because they are male or female. If that was so we wouldn't be able to talk to people like brother or sister or mom or father.

This is the anxiety. The people you/we have dificulties with probaly have a higher social rank than you or are in a position of authorithy. Notice how you can deal with children? Children most likely dont have a precieve social ranking so we dont usualy fear them unless they seem to be achveing more than us.

If your youger relative has a date and you do not yet date then that younger person social rank will be consider higher than yours.

As for which gender wants sex more it cant be just men cause they must be haveing sex with someone. So Its impossiable to say only men are dogs.

As for men being fake. Lets be real. Its on both sides. We just need to do a better job of judgeing people or at least learn from it and find replacements.

 

[Ehsan]

hope i'm not invading the girls club here

lol i feel this way, but just the way back, since i'm a guy ... to me it's like women is very critical and just want perfect man, not just for relationships , but for friends. Whenever i'm around women i'm very self conciousness, and generally i act like i'm dumb or something.

I'm this way with new people, but with women it's worst :/

Actually it's not based on something real, because i've met some great girls before.

me too.
I'm badly uncomfortable around women, especially young beautiful ones, and this is true even for my cousins(so ridiculous!). I can't explain this well but maybe because i think girls are very critical and sensitive about others look, clothing and behavior and this badly annoys me.
Also i'm afraid they think i've sexual intentions about them and when i try to avoid or hide this, things get worse and looks quite odd and maybe disgusting. I can't control my odd reactions when i guess to be in attention so i only avoid being around them.

 

[Felicidad]

hope i'm not invading the girls club here

lol i feel this way, but just the way back, since i'm a guy ... to me it's like women is very critical and just want perfect man, not just for relationships , but for friends. Whenever i'm around women i'm very self conciousness, and generally i act like i'm dumb or something.

I'm this way with new people, but with women it's worst :/

Actually it's not based on something real, because i've met some great girls before.

me too.
I'm badly uncomfortable around women, especially young beautiful ones, and this is true even for my cousins(so ridiculous!). I can't explain this well but maybe because i think girls are very critical and sensitive about others look, clothing and behavior and this badly annoys me.
Also i'm afraid they think i've sexual intentions about them and when i try to avoid or hide this, things get worse and looks quite odd and maybe disgusting. I can't control my odd reactions when i guess to be in attention so i only avoid being around them.

Up to I know, women, I know I´m making a generalization, don´t usually give value mainly to physical appearance. I agree with one post above who said that women more likely to hear beutiful words and attention.
Hey, boys, take care with your testoterone :wink: , my question wasn´t about sex, it was about any kind of interation.
Thank you for your answers.
I thought this forum for avoidants was dead, it was impossible for me to come in. 8O