Richey
Well-known member
Just reading this site about people on this forum who are in relationships, have piercings, actually frequent nightclubs, hang out in groups even though they are shy, people who are extremely opinionated which is great but its made me realise that i have an entire bag of issues to get over then just this sa jargon.
For instance the thought of having a girl being interested in me to my mind is like one million miles away, i just cant wrap my head around anyone wanting to know me as most of the time i come across as No Fun even when im confident, im aware that my enthusiasm just doesnt always wash off as being sincere, its like i try to join into a conversation and even when im relaxed i still feel like an outsider to everybody, that includes family, who i feel alien to simply because we dont get along more then we do, thats more because our personalities clash and when you live together 24/7 its bound to cause issues & arguments.
I have this warped view that people only want to befriend people of the Highest calliber or standard, and i see it in my sister, she only dates guys who are tall and of a certain demograph, or guys who love clubbing and are generally show offs, and thats ok, she's allowed to do that, it just gets me when i see myself with all these emotional issues.
Two years ago i had two close friends and played soccer on a weekly basis, after not doing that for over a year i cant imagine myself in that situation as now i dont play soccer and my two close friends I dont have any contact with because of a falling out, its like "how did i pull that off" ...
im also really insecure about my looks, and my random slip of the tongue which is actually a running joke where i work at, people are more then aware that i speak before i think .....because im so nervous around people, particularly groups of people, i freak out and say nothing because i know my tongue isnt always on my side in tricky moments.
I seem to lack the "Quick- Wittedness" to think on my feet, and this causes alot of awkward moments this being the reason i avoid social events ...even while confident im known to say the lamest most obnoxious statements to the point where I receive dirty looks from the people who are always smooth while talking etc.
I know deep down that im a person who's intentions are right, its just this nervous twitch around people that im yet to kick out thats haunting my young years right now.
Its like my sister gets on great with my cousins who are my age, they talk about everything under the sun and they go places without asking or involving me, because i know that their honest evaluation of me is that im more on the awkward side then someone who is "cool" and outwardly opinionated, educated enough to talk about anything, i can write it all down better then how i communicate it through conversation.
Its a real struggle for me, because even after i lose the fear of interacting with others, once im in the room with them, my aptitude to relate to others is quite limited because my anxiety has really taken over my thoughts and im just too serious, people want relaxed fun loving people to hang out with, *sigh* ....I just dont know how im going to get through this mess.
oops,long post.
For instance the thought of having a girl being interested in me to my mind is like one million miles away, i just cant wrap my head around anyone wanting to know me as most of the time i come across as No Fun even when im confident, im aware that my enthusiasm just doesnt always wash off as being sincere, its like i try to join into a conversation and even when im relaxed i still feel like an outsider to everybody, that includes family, who i feel alien to simply because we dont get along more then we do, thats more because our personalities clash and when you live together 24/7 its bound to cause issues & arguments.
I have this warped view that people only want to befriend people of the Highest calliber or standard, and i see it in my sister, she only dates guys who are tall and of a certain demograph, or guys who love clubbing and are generally show offs, and thats ok, she's allowed to do that, it just gets me when i see myself with all these emotional issues.
Two years ago i had two close friends and played soccer on a weekly basis, after not doing that for over a year i cant imagine myself in that situation as now i dont play soccer and my two close friends I dont have any contact with because of a falling out, its like "how did i pull that off" ...
im also really insecure about my looks, and my random slip of the tongue which is actually a running joke where i work at, people are more then aware that i speak before i think .....because im so nervous around people, particularly groups of people, i freak out and say nothing because i know my tongue isnt always on my side in tricky moments.
I seem to lack the "Quick- Wittedness" to think on my feet, and this causes alot of awkward moments this being the reason i avoid social events ...even while confident im known to say the lamest most obnoxious statements to the point where I receive dirty looks from the people who are always smooth while talking etc.
I know deep down that im a person who's intentions are right, its just this nervous twitch around people that im yet to kick out thats haunting my young years right now.
Its like my sister gets on great with my cousins who are my age, they talk about everything under the sun and they go places without asking or involving me, because i know that their honest evaluation of me is that im more on the awkward side then someone who is "cool" and outwardly opinionated, educated enough to talk about anything, i can write it all down better then how i communicate it through conversation.
Its a real struggle for me, because even after i lose the fear of interacting with others, once im in the room with them, my aptitude to relate to others is quite limited because my anxiety has really taken over my thoughts and im just too serious, people want relaxed fun loving people to hang out with, *sigh* ....I just dont know how im going to get through this mess.
oops,long post.
im not having a go i just dont know how having peircings signafies that i dont have problems that extend further than my sp.But i know what your saying.. i use to have a kinda ignorant view when i read some peoples posts on here... because they had good relationships.. or could go out up town say and be okay.. i used to think they cant be that ill if they can do that stuff just cos i couldnt not saying thats how you think but dont make yaself feel worse by thinking you must be worse or somthing cos some people can handle diff things.I have quite severe sp aslong with numerous other disorders thrown on top for good measure lol so im quite bad... but eating say in front of people doesnt bother me ect sp just affects everyone different.