With ereuthrophobia (a fear of blushing) my anxiety levels constantly go higher and lower. the best way to explain this is...think of someone with a sever fear of spiders. Every room the go into that person i aware of all the corners in the room and where potential spiders are. For me i am kind of like that. If im in a room and someone walks in i will become socially anxious because of blushing. If sitting on public transport...i would be okay, but then i make eye contact with someone and i suddenly set into panic. When getting of public transport...if its full i will start to panic because i have to battle my way through the people to get off.
A different example, if i am going to meet someone, i will feel anxiety, when i meet them i feel anxiety. During the time i spend with that person i will have different levels. If somethings is said and i feel like someone thinks like im lying..anxiety increases - this is because i fear i will blush and make them think i am lying (very difficult to explain!).
Also another example, if someone says the word red, i will suddenly set into panic because the ereuthrophobia makes you blush and go red.
One last example to show how my levels of anxiety increase and decrease...i also suffer from HOCD, its an obsessional thought making you doubt your sexuality (even though i know what im into). I could be moderatly anxious in a situation but then if someone says the words gay or anything about sex or relationships, my anxiety will hit the roof. This is brought on by HOCD but because of ereuthrophobia i fear i will go red and people will think im gay...
So with my anxiety...it is not really before or during an event which is worse. It is how many times during that event i encounter things that makes me anxious.
I just thought of a simple way to explain it... I am standing at a busy bus stop. Traffic is heavy. I am anxious but not severly. The traffic stops because of a red light. I become serverly anxious. The traffic moves off and the anxiety decreases. A bus comes along. It is not my bus but it still stops at the stop im at. Again i become severly anxious until it moves off. This process continues until my bus comes. But then i see the bus in the distance. Start to get anxious. I worry how many people are on it, hope i dont see someone i know on it etc. Step on the bus. It is half full. If i don t find a seat at the back of the bus i will be anxious the whole way home (because the fear of blushing). then when it comes to when ive to get off, i get more anxious as i feel attention is on me. Get off the bus. Become slightly relaxed and then i notice the lights have change and traffic is build up at them. Become anxious again.
all these things that happen when im outdoors or with people...i worry about them previously because i know what to expect.
sorry this is a bit long...it is very difficult for me to put into words how anxiety rises and falls. Also i think for each perszon that suffers from anxiety they have different triggers; for everyone it is different
Any questions about it just ask...
