"Point of no return"

[Sephiroth]

I would like to share my feelings a bit like other members like WeirdyMcGee bravery did...

Well everyday when I wake up it feels like day after day I'm more and more sick of it,I despise it I know it might sounds kind of stupid for some people but let me tell you I despise living and this world but I'm also proud that I could endure so much the problem is the "point of no return" is a feeling that gradually eats you,like for example each new day you get a immense pain in your heart like a headache but in your heart the pain you feel its completely superior to the one you feel when you have headache...

That's just one of the feelings that come with "point of no return".

Now I will try to explain what "point of no return" is.

Is the feeling that after living,trying,failing,back again then again and again and it never works you reach "it"

Now I will try to be more specific about this.

Lets say you are B and the society is C well you will never be C yet they will never accept you(which is incredibly stupid because you might you don't want it anymore because you are sick of all of them but just to live in the same world without getting pushed back just because of your past,health or the easiest thing that they will use to push you back "being a loner"which means not having people to support you in anyway and which shows you are weaker and less than the rest plus a weirdo (what the hell...)

Lets try some examples about this...
When you are baby:
Ohhhhh such a cuty, look its smiling(of course no one cares there you have "no emotions" except for the stupid smile and everyone acts like you are cute and all.

Kid: Oh.... this is sooooo weird you have no friends and the rest of the kids don't want to play with you and they "push you back of it"oh I see don't take it to heart they are kids like you ...(no one cares because you are alone and the rest is okay with how the kids act toward you "its natural")

After all someone gets to you and says something like you can talk to me something inside you tries to believe this and actually does it ... guess what its just a lie to hurt you even worse,you fall in love at this point too but you will not say it,guess what happens ...(yep more and more sh**)

After all you grow alone and don't even look at family that word makes you sick because you never "felt it"
You realise everyone who gets close to you just hurts you that humans despise whats different and that they cant(aka don't want because its easier to do) understand.

I could put much more and personal things that come to mind even if I don't want time to time and make me feel insane but better get back to the "point of no return" concept after all like they say bad experiences make you stronger in my case they can make you keep feeling intense pain inside yourself and make you emotionless about life that's where "point of no return" shows.

You felt like you where different and doesn't "fit" in the world yet you tried to "fit" pushed by this world that doesn't allow that,you found that you cant have friends because of this and you actually prefer to stay alone and would like to jump to someplace where you could live on your own without a society always trying to make you fall no matter how hard you try and how strong you act as or even if you don't show emotions at all...

You also feel the pain of the scars of betrayal...

You see how the person who brings you to this despising world look at you and doesn't care when you are years and years under "feeling like some kind of experiment" taking every new medication the doctors think that will work this time and then you are force to try other therapies that of course doesn't work when the person who supposes to love you because brings you to this world i guess says I will go you and I will go no other option here you of course despise everyone because everyone despises you and makes you feel that you don't fit in here the person that brings you to this person reminds you this day after day and if someone sees you when this person is "with you" you get the precious words of that person loves you soooooooo much by the way you are and that since you are "so special" this person is proud of you being alive and in the family and all that (sarcasm here the complete opposite you better never been born and you are a shame in every possible way but don't dare to act like you aren't unhappy its me more sick If only we can all get rid of your existence and shame forever....)

I don't even want to talk about the rest... at least not right now

Back to the "point of no return" feeling once you reach it you don't care anymore about future about the world it doesn't matter is all the same **** over and over society = beings who call themselves persons and who are you just continually pushing you back and back.

Let me try to explain the last thing I mentioned there "back and back"

You as indiviual cant live alone and apart from this no matter what you cant live alone because you are weak and weird to this world yet you cant live in society because you don't fit(but both of this can take much more to explain but I'm already writing a lot just hope its understandable)

If you get friends they will just use you and eventually leave you in a worse state you were before if that's even possible.

If you get a family you will have to be accepted by the family of this family too back to the old point again.

And dont make me start with work and social activities to survive in this cursed world.

Nothing makes sense and no one will care about you except yourself no matter what why? because you are alone because or your past because of your past anything can be used to be pushed back to be betrayed in every way you imagine possible everything in this world looks pointless and stupid you reach the "point of no return" you reach the real truth that hides behind "society" and this fake world full of sh** if it blown to pieces and "people" actually disappeared from earth you would be happy so happy that you probably learn to smile again humans are not worth to even exist I am ashamed of being called person I would rather be weird until I die than being another puppet of this so called "Puppet Society" world we live in.

Thank you if you read all this Im proud of you if you manage to do it I appreciate it and thanks to WeirdyMcGee and the rest of people who post about how they feel,I also will appreciate any reply and may continue posting about how I feel and stuff sometime I feel really bad inside and outside its complicated and I know Im complicated too but Im still proud of not being like most of this world is a complete trash...

 

[A86]

your right there is nothing wrong with us.
our priorities, feelings, thoughts and actions are so incomprehesable to them that society classifies as us having something wrong with our well being (or even worse - they try to "fix" us).
it is extremly difficult to adapt to their way of life, yet they have made it so it is also difficult to not require it.

there are advantages to being like we are. i didnt relise this till I literaly came into a life and death scenario in my teens, from which I am convinced the only reason I am alive today is because i over analysed the situation to my best possible advantage while not giving in to the urge to flee/avoid (when your high on adrenaline and anxiety just interacting with people, hey whats a life threatning situation thrown into the mix?)

too many people are forced by society to think they have to "convert".
in the end you have to compromise with yourself what you NEED in order to be happy.
there will be challenges, but greater the challenge the greater the reward.

Coyote summed up human society nicely somewhere in one of the other posts. it was brilliant.

 

[Sephiroth]

your right there is nothing wrong with us.
our priorities, feelings, thoughts and actions are so incomprehesable to them that society classifies as us having something wrong with our well being (or even worse - they try to "fix" us).
it is extremly difficult to adapt to their way of life, yet they have made it so it is also difficult to not require it.

there are advantages to being like we are. i didnt relise this till I literaly came into a life and death scenario in my teens, from which I am convinced the only reason I am alive today is because i over analysed the situation to my best possible advantage while not giving in to the urge to flee/avoid (when your high on adrenaline and anxiety just interacting with people, hey whats a life threatning situation thrown into the mix?)

too many people are forced by society to think they have to "convert".
in the end you have to compromise with yourself what you NEED in order to be happy.
there will be challenges, but greater the challenge the greater the reward.

Coyote summed up human society nicely somewhere in one of the other posts. it was brilliant.

The main problem is that almost everything is a problem is not only the world and the "normal people" but also the situation,the survival game,the "do something you like" all that...
and then is the problem of the "other side" what the heck is gonna happen then too?
we can't look forward for someone else to care about how we feel,about our emotions or anything else,but at the same time the whole different side will take any chance they have to make your existence harder than already is it sucks is a neverending cycle that makes life not worth at all no matter how you look at it...
and you and many others will probably say set an objective or do you have family live for them,do you have someone you love and loves you,hey you can live and find thats an interesting experience doing something you enjoy or you like(I though this may was an interesting option however I found everything has something that ....)excuse my orthography right now I need something to calm myself I can feel anxiety destroying me in the inside once again curse it I will get something to "eat" that just an excuse I just put food in my mouth and try to calm down like that and I just feel worse after it I would like to cut through my skin like I used to do before someway I felt better doing that after all it was like a **** you world reaction and of course no one gave a **** about it well yes they did for example worried about me getting the house dirty with the blood and others about when will I die already or still around this world sucks why the ones that feel bad have to cut themselves and not the ones that deserved to suffer every day **** it