Please help me become less shy

[EllaRose]

I've always been shy all my life. I also suffer from low self esteem and feel anxious for no reason.I fear talking to people i know and strangers.I tried to overcome it with no success. People always ignore me because they think i'm full of myself when i'm not. Some girl told me that i act like a "Snob". Sometimes i try to be more social but once i talk to people they just ignore me or seem uninterested. I'm starting to hate myself because of this. I don't hate my physical appearance. I just hate my personality for no reason....

Can you please give me tips on how to overcome shyness? I really need them because shyness is keeping me from enjoying my life :crying:

thank you in advance

 

[BlazeBlue]

I'm both sorry and glad to hear of your story. Sorry because you're trying but feeling rejected. Glad because you are, in fact, putting in the effort. Many SA people don't even want to try because it's a scary thought to step out of their safe haven. It will take time and persistency to see results, especially in interactions and relationships. Humans are fickle beings and easily influenced, sometimes you think you've made a breakthrough and sometimes you'll feel like you're back to square one. But keep pushing, I can guarantee you that there's light at the end of that tunnel.

Read these:

What's Social Anxiety & Where Does It Originate?
Top 11 Ways to Overcome Anxiety
12 Important Lessons From Relationships

Keep working and keep trying. You'll have success and you'll have setbacks. Celebrate when you succeed even just a little, and stay strong when things don't go the way you wanted. Best wishes!

 

[Megaten]

I wish I could offer more helpful advice other than whats already been said but I cant think of much. Other than resist the urge to become shut in. Ive found that the longer I go without socializing, the harder it is when I do again. Exposure is pretty important in the whole process.

 

[Requiescat]

To rebuild your self-esteem you must find your self value not in others. Build your house on sand and you will fail, so to speak. So how do you readjust the way you see yourself? This might be a good place to start:

Self-esteem: Take steps to feel better about yourself - Mayo Clinic

When you start to rebuild your self-image, you begin to see other people differently - not as the impervious emotional and social juggernauts you used to feel they were. It's all a process of readjusting your thinking, getting our of old habits. Another area you might be interested to review is body language. How you project yourself makes a very big difference to how you are received. This has been by far the biggest change in my own life. Often people bemoan that people ignore them because of how they look etc, I can attest to the fact that a very aesthetically challenged individual - such as myself - can transform their interactions by adjusting the energy they project alone! I don't know specifically what things you are struggling with, so I'm not entirely sure what to suggest, but something that does turn up alot is not asking enough questions. That may be something for you, I don't know. If so, let me know and I can arm you with some tools.

When going over these things, drill them hard. Go through scenarious in your head over and over enacting these changes, look for opportunities to implement them. Take note of things that went wrong: Did your body language close up? Did you go blank because you didn't know what to say? Were you gripped by anxiety and too flustered? Knowing what went wrong in a certain situation will help you in future if you use it as a learning tool. It's okay to make mistakes. So called socialites make faux pas all the time. I am astounded how the most social and extrovert people make so many mistakes and how little they are able to read people. It illustrates perfectly that you don't have to be perfect, you don't have to be the most intelligent, creative, talented, "attractive", funny person to have a fulfilling social life. Imagine trying to ride a bike but you slam the brakes every time you feel the slightest bump: you'd get nowhere! That's what SA is like sometimes, if you allow it. You cannot get rid of those bumps, but you don't have to. It's all part of the journey and a change of perspective can make it an enjoyable and memorable one.

 

[DanielLewis]

It's a process to overcome shyness and to become more sociable. You need to not only constantly practice socializing, but work on getting rid of negative beliefs, behaviors, and habits that contribute to it. For instance, believing your ugly is a negative belief that will hurt your self-esteem. Comparing yourself to others and believing they're better than you as a person is another negative belief. A negative behavior is doing anything you can to avoid interacting with people. A negative habit is looking away from people when they smile at you, rather than smiling back. Evaluate yourself. What negative beliefs, habits, and behaviors do you have? Question them rationally. Realize what needs to change and what you need to do to become the person you want to be and have the life you desire. Be kind to yourself. Don't beat yourself up over mistakes. All you can do is try. So keep trying and be patient. This is a process and the battle with yourself is perhaps the hardest battle you'll ever face in life. Give yourself a pad on the back for any success, no matter how small.