PurpleMonkey86
New member
I keep willing myself nauseous, but I cannot control it.
I know that sounds nonsensical, but it's a real problem and a long story. I had an infected wisdom tooth that kept me chronically ill until I could get it removed. I would get extremely nauseous and unable to eat anything. It hospitalized me in April which caused a fair bit of mental trauma. I felt as though I would die in there. I think I had a few panic attacks in the hospital bed while isolated all alone in there with no food in my stomach for days. Just thinking about it now makes me want to vomit.
Well, now I am virus-free and my wisdom teeth are gone but my mind is seriously messed up. I keep thinking about how sick I felt and willing myself to become sick again. This triggers an awful bout of anxiety and I often have a panic attack because of the fear of falling ill again. Often, I am anxious and nervous all day for no reason now. I was given 12 ativan by a doctor in the clinic 10 days ago, but they are down to 4. I fear running out of them and I fear ativan addiction. Both of those thoughts sends me into a panic.
Also, I am often nauseated now by the mere thought of food. I never have any appetite whatsoever because of the anxiety. If I eat or think about eating I get nauseous. If I get nauseous I have a panic attack which triggers more nausea. It is a viscous cycle. I am on multi-vitamins but I have only eaten a small amount of food in the last 3 days because I am so terrified of the nausea and panic.
The doctor who gave me the ativan also referred me to a psychiatrist, but she cannot see me until the 9th of October. That feels like it's a million millennia away and I will never survive that long if I keep going on like this.
I am at a loss for solutions - it's ruining my life. I don't feel like I want to take my own life at this point. However, I feel that if I looked outside my window and saw a plane speeding down at me ready to crash right into me that I would not get out of the way.
Certain thoughts send me into panic mode too, I have to try my best to not think about them. Some of these thoughts are: running out of ativan, drinking apple juice, seeing my friend Lewis, eating out at a restaurant.
Please help me. I want my life back.
I know that sounds nonsensical, but it's a real problem and a long story. I had an infected wisdom tooth that kept me chronically ill until I could get it removed. I would get extremely nauseous and unable to eat anything. It hospitalized me in April which caused a fair bit of mental trauma. I felt as though I would die in there. I think I had a few panic attacks in the hospital bed while isolated all alone in there with no food in my stomach for days. Just thinking about it now makes me want to vomit.
Well, now I am virus-free and my wisdom teeth are gone but my mind is seriously messed up. I keep thinking about how sick I felt and willing myself to become sick again. This triggers an awful bout of anxiety and I often have a panic attack because of the fear of falling ill again. Often, I am anxious and nervous all day for no reason now. I was given 12 ativan by a doctor in the clinic 10 days ago, but they are down to 4. I fear running out of them and I fear ativan addiction. Both of those thoughts sends me into a panic.
Also, I am often nauseated now by the mere thought of food. I never have any appetite whatsoever because of the anxiety. If I eat or think about eating I get nauseous. If I get nauseous I have a panic attack which triggers more nausea. It is a viscous cycle. I am on multi-vitamins but I have only eaten a small amount of food in the last 3 days because I am so terrified of the nausea and panic.
The doctor who gave me the ativan also referred me to a psychiatrist, but she cannot see me until the 9th of October. That feels like it's a million millennia away and I will never survive that long if I keep going on like this.
I am at a loss for solutions - it's ruining my life. I don't feel like I want to take my own life at this point. However, I feel that if I looked outside my window and saw a plane speeding down at me ready to crash right into me that I would not get out of the way.
Certain thoughts send me into panic mode too, I have to try my best to not think about them. Some of these thoughts are: running out of ativan, drinking apple juice, seeing my friend Lewis, eating out at a restaurant.
Please help me. I want my life back.
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