Perfectionism and Social Anxiety

[bonafide]

I have struggled with perfectionism for the longest time.

Failure and messing up seem abhorrent to me. I believe this may be related to my desire to be accepted and to be "safe" from others. If I don't screw up, then I can't be criticized or made fun of. If I'm perfect, then I can avoid pain altogether.

I avoid others and cling to solitare confinement because that is a way I can avoid being hurt by others. Make sense?

Grrrr....why am I so damn afraid?

 

[Toad]

Makes sense to me...I also have a problem with perfection and neatness. Makes stuff take way longer than it should, and I hate starting something because I know it will take me forever to do, and if I don't meet my impossibly high standard i get frustrated.

 

[Septor]

Yep im the same way with perfectionism.

You're right it does at least for me have to do with not wanting to be criticized and made fun by people.Always trying to be accepted by people.

Also a lot pepole train ther kids to try be perfectionist .

 

[still-in-my-shell]

I don't feel like a perfectionist, but my college councellor said that was my main issue... maybe it is an underlying part of SA...

 

[IceLad]

Yes I have a problem with perfectism. I have a constant need to do things perfectly, so that the risk of anyone criticizing me is minimal.

Whenever I buy something, I expect that to be perfect otherwise it annoys me. For example, I hate buying brand new CDs/ DVDs/ computer games only to come home and find the disk is already scratched. I end up working myself up over this (as if I don't have bigger things to worry about!). Also, whenever I buy a something, I can never have the front item as I think its 'dirty' and has already been 'used', so I dig myself into the pile and get one from the bottom.

So I learnt to do things perfectly to keep myself 'safe' and I expect perfect standards from other people and things. The trouble is, maintaining and expecting these standards is mentally exhausting, and not realistic.

 

[Si]

I have struggled with perfectionism for the longest time.

Failure and messing up seem abhorrent to me. I believe this may be related to my desire to be accepted and to be "safe" from others. If I don't screw up, then I can't be criticized or made fun of. If I'm perfect, then I can avoid pain altogether.

I avoid others and cling to solitare confinement because that is a way I can avoid being hurt by others. Make sense?

Grrrr....why am I so damn afraid?

Hi Bonafide.I have struggled with perfectionism for a bloody long time.But I am now starting to deal with it and understand it.The main thing is when you are like this, making a mistake is really frustrating.And eventually for me the frustration would turn to anger.Being a bike mechanic it would help me to keep a high standard of workmanship, but the frustration when things were not right was annoying.I've learnt not to worry about being perfect anymore.It is just pointless,because perfection in everything is unobtainable and not neccessary.So my motto is "Just be the best you can be, do the best you can and if something goes wrong ,Shit happens, thats life." :lol:

 

[itchy]

yeah man, I relate to this hugely. I made the tiniest mistake the other day and someone pointed it out and made the slightest smirk, and I swear it was all I could think about for the rest of the day. I actually felt angry at him...I wanted to get back at him for laughing at me, which I know is wrong and irrational so I controlled it. But I wonder if all that supressed anger is the reason why I'm so ambitious. I dunno...but I think you're bang on, bonafide. If you're perfect then you're "safe" cause no-one can criticize you.

 

[tewstroke]

Also a lot pepole train ther kids to try be perfectionist .

Yeah i think you are right about that as a kid and even now my mom has always been very critical of me and of herself so i guess it has kind of stuck with me and i am very self conscious now

 

[siv]

Also a lot pepole train ther kids to try be perfectionist .

Yes. I would have to agree! Both my parents are very formal and each are very successful in their careers. Growing up they would bring their business home and expect me to be part of that, well, when they were home. My father is a Plastic surgeon and my mother was a model, so because of that I ALWAYS felt pressure to look my best. They weren't very strict, but expected a lot from me and if it was not to their standards, I always felt obligated to do better. So, I can see how perfectionism can coincide with being SA or whatever you may have!