past bullying, still lives on....help needed

[kon_san]

...

 

[Diana]

Ahh..I'm the same. Sort of, I've become a lot bolder.hahaa. Maybe you should find something or someone that makes you a lot stronger and confident. Something so effective that you can use the confidence most of the times. Yeah, moving away would be a good choice but you can't let those people control your life like that. They're no one to boss you around, not in real life , not in your head. And as for your familiar people, really try to be positive. A rethey nasty to you too? If not then I don't think they'd be talking to you(know you) if they didn't like you at all.

 

[arjuna]

What you are saying really sucks. Bullying can have a barbaric effect on you and you can take that into your adult life. If you ever what to talk about this on messenger send me a private message on this site and I'll add you on. I am living a similar situation to yours.

 

[FallingPhoenix]

..Heh I spend most of my time avoiding anything that reminds me of the past year as well... Don't know if this helps or not but I'd recommend "The Feeling Soul" by Mark Linden, "Teen Torment" by Patricia Evans and "Stalking the Soul: Emotional abuse and the erosion of identity" They have some pretty good insight into the mind of the bullies and how society tends to blame the victim... :roll: real eye opener for me... best of luck on finding a new job (perhaps getting a new clean start somewhere else might not be such a bad idea) and hope you get through this

 

[scissorhands]

I know exactly what this is like, but trust me moving to another city won't change a thing. I did just that, after highschool I dropped my whole life in my small town and moved to a big city to escape it. Everything was fantastic for a while, but I am still haunted by the past all the time and have gone back to being very cautious of any social situations. I know the people who bullied me in my teens are not anywhere to be found here, but I see types of people who remind me of them, and just my peers in general I feel like I can judge and tell what type of people are capable of doing that type of bullying to someone and I don't want to give them a reason to put me through what I have already been through so I remain rather lonely and friendless.

 

[joeljjison]

"I still cant seem to forget what happened and come to terms with everything.....Cause of the bullying I experienced I still think twice before saying anything, feeling that I might end up making fun of myself and although I am much less shy now than I used to be but I still tend to avoid most social situations and simply stay away from people in general even though I dont want to. "

Can't really advise you there, sounds exactly like me. And i bet when people insult you, your either very defensive, or retreat into your shell. Its easy to think even your friends or against you because it seems more likely... then you feel bad for thinking it

"I cant seem to get my head straight...even seeing familiar ppl makes me recall bad experiences a bit too much... "

again, nothing useful here. its the same for me

"How should I tackle all this ? since I think less from my head im seriously looking to get a job in a different city in the future so I can get over all this..I know it sounds stupid but I just simply want my past to be completely erased and never come back again..."

You could do that. It may work. Though i know when i left my primary school, or elementary or whatever you want to call it, i didn't go to the local secondary/high specifically to avoid the bullies i'd been with... and then when i went to secondary school i got bullied almost right off the bat. i dont think that will happen to you, but wherever you go, it will plague you in social situations to some degree... the wounds will age with time.. but its also a part of you.. we've all learnt some interesting things..

its a chance to make new friends anyway. contrary to what alot of people think, i dont think theres anything wrong with running away, so long as you've changed somehow before you run away. and yes its definitely running away. but definitely nothing is wrong with that

 

[makemehappy]

kon_san: you just wrote the story of my teenage life I know exactly what you are going through, if i see a person who used to bully me in town i walk the other direction and sometimes just leave and go home. I used to walk to and from school in tears, and then i decided to leave because i was getting so depressed.
I'm not very good at this sort of advice but, moving away from where all the bad memories are sounds like a really good idea. At least it will give you a chance to start over. I know it's easier said than done, but personally, when i'm away from places i associate with my past i feel like a brand new person. It takes some getting used to but it feels really good.

 

[CPA23]

I can relate to this on so many levels. I am 23 now and I remember those junior high and high school days of bullying. My bullying probably wasn't nearly as bad as others, but nevertheless I was still teased. My anxiety and anti-social behavior definitely didn't make it better. It is very difficult to move on from the past even though it would seem we would want to. I can definitely relate to being defensive when someone makes a joke or says something. I can't help it, but I always end up in my "corner".

I always try to tell myself to move on and not dwell in the past. The only person it is hurting is myself and the people who teased you probably have forgotten all about it. It is DEFINITELY not easy. That's why I always keep my guard up and I am very distrustful of people outside my immediate family. I wish I could stop this!!

 

[bleach]

They have some pretty good insight into the mind of the bullies and how society tends to blame the victim... :roll:

Pardon, but are you talking about the -bullies- as the victims?

Eye rolling, indeed..

 

[Satine]

I'd say you might want to try moving forward, going to another town. Pick where you go with some care, base it on what you want to be in the future, rather than how you are now. I moved from Crawley, UK (grim place, nobody there is really happy) to Worthing, (happy place, but full of the elderly so not much fun for teenagers as I was at the time) to Brighton. Brighton has been a great place to me and continues to be. Lively, young, friendly, cosmopolitan and diverse, it has everything I could ever want. I've still plenty of space to grow in such a town.

I think you should look for this too. As you work through the troubles of your past as a victim of bullying, you tend do 'shed your skin' several times. Reinvent yourself, maybe. So going somewhere new would be a fantastic new start for you.

Suggestion: perhaps don't tell the people in the new town about your history. You might just find that you don't need to. Move forward always. Your past is like a tangled ball of wool - it'll take a long time to unravel, but you'll be able to, little bit by little bit. If you try to do it all in one go you'll end up bogged down with it, so remember to put the past to one side often, safe in the knowledge that you can pick it up again if you want to, to put right some more bits.

But all the new experiences you will go through in your new home will give you more wisdom and life experience with which to work through your past. So give yourself plenty of time to just enjoy the here and now.

 

[girl]

That can't continue. You can't let it. You shouldn't.
If you can't forget the bad things that happened, then use them as inspiration to succeed in whatever you wanna do in life.
Do, accomplish as much as you can. That's the best revenge you can have.