Paranoia, Depression, Worrying & Ruining Relationships

[LittleMissScareAll]

Anybody here who's in a relationship or has been in a relationship...do you ever fear you're going to lose the person you're with because of your depression/social phobia/paranoia/etc...? Or do you think you have ruined a past relationship due to those things?
I worry that all the time but especially lately... my current relationship is the only good relationship I've ever had but lately...I can't help feeling that I'm going to ruin it somehow. 8O I've even gotten so weird lately that I ask him if I'm boring him, if I'm aggravating him, or if he doesn't want to talk to me. I'm so stupid. He tells me I never bore/aggravate him, and that he always does want to talk to me, but I dunno, I just feel like sometimes he doesn't or that I bug him... I don't know why... just me being paranoid, I guess. :? I think it's partly because of my stupid ex boyfriends...they all either cheated on me(which I dont think this guy will cheat on me, I trust him there)...or they just stopped talking to me, started avoiding me...started ignoring me completely. THAT's the part I'm worried about...because pretty much all of my exes all started to just ignore me eventually and I don't want that to happen with this boyfriend
Anybody know any tips to make me less paranoid? Cause I if I keep asking him things like that he's probably eventually going to REALLY get annoyed by it, and then I will lose him. And I don't think I could live without him, because he's basically all that's kept me going, ever since I met him. Right before I met him, I was having really bad suicidal thoughts...but when I met him, it was like I just felt better. And not only is he my boyfriend, but my best and only friend, too.

 

[corrinaelizabeth]

Hi I have the exact same problem,and also I need complete reasurrance all the time,that things are ok if he still wants to be with me etc and he gets really annoyed with me constantly going on but Ive been with him on and off for a year and a half I love him to bits but I cant seem to stop going on!argh!

 

[thequietone]

LittleMissScareAll

He sounds like a really important person in your life. I think if you have been hurt in the past, if people you've grown attached to always seem to abandon you in the end, then it is probably normal to have anxiety about a new relationship. Fear of rejection is what keeps me away from all relationships even though it is not healthy for me to avoid them. You are doing the right thing by being brave enough to keep going, so give yourself a pat on the back.

I think it would help to let all these past insecurities go, tell yourself that those guys were no good anyway and it wouldn't have been good to stay with them anyway. Above all else, know that it is not your fault. You may think that if you make a wrong move, this new boyfriend will change his mind, but that doesn't seem to be the case. He cares about you just the way you are. Especially because you found each other while you were in a deep depression, you can know that he accepts even the darkests parts of you. I think you are very lucky to have such a relationship.

 

[Anonymous]

OMG! i know exactly how you feel! i am the same exact way! im constantly thinking that my boyfriend is going to leave me and im constantly asking him for reassurance and im terrified of him leaving me b/c hes soo sick of hearing it! i cant take it anymore its ruining my life...i actually need to talk to someone about it and get help before he does get sick of me.....he tells me all the time how much he loves me and how hes not sick of me and how he dont hate me but i cant seem to get that into my head! HELP!

 

[BrokenSmile]

Paranoia, depression & ruining relationships?
YES, YES, YEEES ! This life sucks :x

 

[decadeOfSA]

You need to modify your thoughts. Replace the negative thoughts with positive thoughts. Maybe consider medicine. Improve your self esteem and self image. Be optimistic and think that if the relationship fails, there's a lot more fish in the sea. If he ends it because you are paranoid, then you deserve better.