oops, hello!

[turqoise]

hello,
i`ve made a couple of posts without introducing myself here first...oops sorry. i stumbled on this site tyring to find out about SA, and was so relieved to read that i`m not the only one!
I only realised about a week ago that I`ve had SA for ages, like 15 years. I have depression, and a counselor I was talking to told me that he thought I got depression because I already had SA - which totally makes sense. I`ve had depression twice, and this one now started a year ago, though i only went to the doctor about 4 months ago. I`m a whole lot better than I was, by taking all natural supplements, and now that the depression is getting better I think the SA is becoming more obvious....like I haven`t been able to leave the house, and I get anxious if I know I have to talk to anyone apart from my parents, and I still can only go as far as thinking about possibly working before my heart starts pumping...
So yeah, hoping to come here and find out more about SA and also not feel like I`m completely cut off from the world and friendless
see you around

 

[Starry]

Welcome to the forum Turqoise. As the logo says "You're not alone" lol.

 

[Marvolo]

You are not unique

Hi Turqoise,

You are not unique (with both SA and not standard introduction)...

I've posted my first topic with a short (factually short, because I find telling about myself extremely boring) introduction on the SA forum :

http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/postt11114.html

I did it when I'd freshly found this site and I's only acquainting it. And when I've realised that it'd seem better in the Introductions forum, I'd posted already some messages; so it would make rather no sense...

But I know that sometimes somebody does similarly; and the forums are so connected that there's rather no real problem with it.

Cheers!

 

[turqoise]

starry, marvolo thanks for the welcome
marvolo, i read your link - but it doesn`t say too much. don`t think you`re boring, write me more about how it is with you and SA! One of the things I am finding reading people`s posts is how great it is to compare stories, and espeically little details like what your thoughts are and why you think youthink like that.

I have been doing a little more looking around and it reminded me of more things i had somehow forgotten about.
like at uni i would go for days and weeks without talking to a single person- i`d just go to lectures and figure out how i was going to spend my free hours alone, in the library or in the park, and i think i eventually forgot how to carry a normal conversation, because i got freaked out thinking of having to talk to someone for longer than 5 minutes. And i didn`t have any opinions on anything, and didn`t know what to think about anything for years, so i just couldn`t say anything and felt like i was such a boring loser. plus when i did talk, yeah, i couldn`t help rambling on about one thing for aaages, and i would see the light go in the other person`s eyes and think shit, im such a loser!
Someone said that they thought it might be because of criticism from parents, and wow, i wonder if it`s the same for me..my mum has always criticised my personality, and i have come to believe that i`m a bad person- that im self-centred, blame others and don`t think about anyone else. I came to realise that though she praised my art and good marks, she doesn`t like me...she always says something that suggests i`m selfish. and because i`m quite introspetive i would think about that quite a lot and beat myself up over it.
...anyway i wanted to say that i noticed lots of people reading but not posting, and if you`re one of those people who think they have nothing to say that would bore people, my thoughts are with you. cos if it`s anything like me, it`s not that your personality sucks, it`s because someone has consistently told you you`re not a good person (maybe subtlely), and you can`t trust anyone, or even open up to yourself because you think you`Re sucha loser or bad or something...
the way that i changed this thinking is that i forced myself to join a club at uni and baiscally using sheer adrenaline and willpower i went along to events. i luckily met this guy who was super nice and completely non-judgemental and who just kept inviting me out all the time, that eventually i opened up just a bit enough to be able to realise how i thought about things and then say them. but it took aaaaaages. but then again i had the SA going on for like 10 years too so i guess it can`t heal instantly.
so i guess you can tell right now i have more of my own opinions..though when i have to talk to people face to face i still worry about boring people, and get nervous, plus as i said i still can`t work i get stressed out really easily. i`m determined to find the root of the problem - like i think i must have a fundamental belief that is all warped, and i just have to pinpoint what it is and neutralise it...
ok, now i`ve harped on i`m worried about having written stuff that you`re all not interested in, or that im being assumptuous so i`ll stop :lol:
thanks again
...and marvolo i want to hear more! and you too, starry and anyone else that reads this and especially if you see any similarities! i`m waiting...

 

[hesse]

I can identify with a lot of what you've written there Turquoise. You seem quite clued up about how your thinking process works. Not boring at all!

 

[turqoise]

thanks hesse
i just read over what i wrote, and realised how much im rambling...truly im not usually such a rambler!
i really think something is going on with my adrenal glands because whatever im doing right now, i can`t sleep. it`s almost 4 am in the morning, and the past week at least, i havn`t been to bed eariler than 5am, and gottn up around 2pm...i don`t understand...

 

[SILVERlining]

Hi Turquoise, I can relate to what you say and I would like to explore and understand it. That's my reason for joining. I hope I can chat with people that know they feel these things, and acknowledge it (that's why we're here) and want to chat with people that are the same as me.

 

[Marvolo]

starry, marvolo thanks for the welcome
marvolo, i read your link - but it doesn`t say too much. don`t think you`re boring, write me more about how it is with you and SA! One of the things I am finding reading people`s posts is how great it is to compare stories ... and marvolo i want to hear more! and you too, starry and anyone else that reads this and especially if you see any similarities! i`m waiting...

Thanks, Turqoise, for such a nice message (and quite long - but I've read it all)

My SA is rather big - the Liebowitz's online test shows usually about 90 - 105 points at me. You can imagine how such anxiety affects my life...

Well, I have recently some bad period (a depressive one) and everything tires me a lot... So I need else some time to go out of it (and also I need to overbear myself), you know, and then I maybe will write some things more.

All of best for you!