One more lonely year.

[nonick]

I am so lonely that it hurts. I am alone all day and there isn't anyone to even talk to. Uni started this week and i'm back in the halls as i couldn't find a house. Even here in a place full of people i cannot make any friends, i cannot even meet new people save for my flatmates who besides being polite they are not interested in having a conversation with me. I don't blame them i know i am boring and too quiet. This will be another lonely year. I will go to my classes alone, go out to eat alone and stay in my room all day waiting for the next day.

 

[Quixote]

I have been in similar situations, in university, school, temporary work, holidays....and it's the reason why I have made so few friends in life that practically none are left. I can be friendly and quite talkative and outspoken in the right context, one where I feel "safe" so to speak, and once I know people at least a bit.

But the great problem is the initial approachment to strangers, because if you are very silent at the beginning you will be assumed to be "silent and boring" and this will make it harder to enter the network of friendships, especially once the bonds are formed between people. It also makes you embarassed to be perceived like that, which aggravates the problem. A vicious cycle.

I can't give you any valuable advice I'm afraid, except the obvious one to still try and slowly make yourself at least "visible" to your flatmates. You don't have to change personality, just drop a joke from time to time, try to look friendly, it may not work but there is a reasonable chance that you might break the "invisible barrier" so to speak.

Other than that, I can only confirm that we are all in the same boat, and wish you good luck!

 

[Lenic]

hi nonick,

I started Uni this year and I am finding it tough to mix, I know what you mean about thinking that you are 'boring and too quiet', as I feel like this most of the time and dont know what to say.

Is there any societies you are interested in at the uni? You might find it easier there because you all have something in common. I have just been to two that where starting up, in on I was fine, but the other I couldnt mix so I went back to hiding in my shell! So I think you have to find the right one, and i'm sure this will help once you do.

Hope this helps, and remember there is always the great people on this site to talk to!

Lee.

 

[carebear]

ahh..nonick you nailed it on the head. this is how i feel every freakin day. i am not sure whether i should just try to change my personality completely or what? all i know is I go home evryday feeling like a failure for not talking, but if i do talk its like pulling teeth because i have so little to say (boring). :?

anyone know any ice breakers in situations like these where you have been in class for a while and you want to start talking to people when half the semester is over?

 

[thequietone]

I understand completely.
I started my second year of uni (or college as we usually call it here) and although it's better than my first year where everything was new, I still managed to avoid all relationships with everyone. Getting to know people...it's something that most of me dreads but a little piece of me really really needs to have.
It's tough to make new friends. My two friends from gradeschool I made in Kindergarten but we don't talk much anymore as they have moved on to bigger and better things. Its so much easier for little kids to make friends. I don't really remember how, life is so much more complicated as a young adult.
I think it's important to not put too much pressure on yourself. You can't just go to school saying, "today I'm going to meet my new best friend!" It's too scary! Try to ease yourself into it, that's what I'm (sort of) trying to do. You know, just saying a few words to the person who sits next to you in class. Start with mild acquantiences, get used to speaking first. My biggest hurdle is to look at friendship in a new way. I tend to see it as a weighty obligation, so I avoid people, but I want that to be the old way of thinking, so I can move on.
Anyway, I understand your plight. Good luck, all.

 

[PunkyMonkey]

Hi nonick,
I started my first year of college this year, a little over a month ago. It's very hard and scary, other people seem to make friends so easily. It's also frustrating because whenever you talk to people it never seems to move on past boring fake conversations. I've been having a hard year too. I am like the outcast on my floor, everyone knows that there is something wrong with me and I'm mostly ignored.
But keep trying as hard as you can. Some people actually will think that you don't want to talk to them and that you want to be all alone. Be around people as much as you can and say hi as much as you can. I remember how long it took me to make friends back in my high school and at my job. I don't want to wait like that again, but it looks like it's going to be that way.
Just try not to stay in your room all of the time. On nice days go outside and do some reading. Or go do some homework in the lobby if you have one. If the people in your hall go out to eat or something try to go with them, even if you won't say much.
It's hard here and I hope it gets better. I think I've only made one real friend that isn't only those fake conversations, but it's made me happy.
Good luck!