Old newbie seeking similar OCD sufferers: symmetry

[EVILOLIVE]

Hey all. It seems I'm a lot older (36) than almost everyone here. That doesn't mean I know everything, and I'm still willing to take advice from anyone. It doesn't matter what your age is, good advice is good advice.

I've known I've had OCD since I was 12 or so. I've known I've had it for most of my life, yet I have never let it bother me that much. I've pretty much ignored it and have never talked about it with anyone. I finally decided to see if anyone else does the same thing I do just to see if I'm not some oddball OCD sufferer.

Has anyone else noticed their OCD "shifting"? I used to do one thing, but then it changed to another type, then to another. I originally was EXTREMELY BAD about not stepping on cracks for several years. I think it started as a way to entertain myself while walking home from school. "Step on a crack, break your mother's back!" After I left grade school, it seemed to go away.

But then I developed a kicking stuff thing. I would see a piece of gravel, or some other small object on the ground and I would have to kick it ahead of me while I walked. Wherever I went. I would sometimes get out of my car and see a rock, so I'd kick it all the way to the door of Wal-Mart, or the grocery store, or wherever I was going. When I came out, I'd have to find that perticular rock and kick it all the way back to my car. If I missed a kick, I'd merely back up and rekick it. But I HAD to. If it hit my foot wrong and went sideways, I'd have to walk over and kick it back towards the direction I was going. Sometimes I continued to kick it through the store anyway.

I think this "shifted" from my crack avoidance. It was still something to do with my feet, but I can now walk down a sidewalk and stomp every crack I see and it doesn't bother me. I outgrew the kicking stuff thing after several years as well.

But then I developed a "symmetrical" thing. I never was a hand washer, or a door closer, or any other standard OCD ritual. But I haven't really ran across anyone else who had to be completely symmetrical. After about three years, I stopped the crack thing and developed a kicking stuff thing. After a few years of that, I quit and randomly developed a "symmetrical" thing, but I've had that for over half my life now, and it hasn't really changed.

I cannot have anything asymmetrical on my body. If I put a ring on my right ring finger, I have to have a ring on my left ring finger. I carry two wallets. One in my right hip pocket, one in my left. I can't wear pocket T's because their pocket is off-center. I would wear them if they had one on the right too. I can't wear shirts with logos on the breast. Unless the logo is centered. I lace my shoes right over left on my right foot, left over right on my left foot so that the laces on both feet point up towards the center. Any stain on my clothes is instant grounds for garbage no matter how small or how much I liked the article. I had a pair of jeans that I payed $75 for that I had to throw away two days later because I dropped a drip of mustard inside the right knee and could not get the stain out. It was barely noticeable, but asymmetrical. Couldn't make myself wear them. I alternate between not wearing a watch and wearing one on each arm. I can't just wear one like normal people. I have before, but I needed to wear a bracelet on my right arm to "balance" it, and it still felt asymmetrical, so I quit.
The only thing that is ever asymmetrical is my belt that points to my left after passing through the buckle, and my jeans that button left over right. These bother me every time I put them on, but I mentally get past these. Why not the others?
Basically, if you suffer from hand washing or door closing, I have no wisdom to impart to you. If you are a crack avoider, take heart. It may eventually go away. It did for me. So did my stuff kicking. (I once kicked a crushed soda can for half a day. I even picked it up and put it in the car with me so I could kick it whan I got home. I kicked it from room to room through my house for several hours. Then back out to the car. Everywhere I went. For some reason, I just stopped kicking it at a random moment and kept walking.)
Has anyone else experienced OCD "shifting"? What about the symmetry thing?

 

[mhx]

- Yeah, I can relate. Like you I have been suffering pretty much my whole life. Only, I didn't have a name for it until my twenties. Before that, I pretty much thought I was on the tracks to going crazy. But I am 35 now and have learned how to manage. My OCD has definitely shifted over the years, from worrying about fires, to the whole disease thing, to not being able to drive, to crazy counting rituals (you name it, I've pretty much done it).

What I have come to realize is that it doesn't really matter what your "thing" is? The underlying problem is your body/brain is producing too much anxiety for no apparent reason, which forces your subconscious to connect it to something. I am sure I will never be 100% OCD-free, but understanding that has helped tremendously with the shifting anxiety thing because it's a hell of a lot easier to fight off the first compulsion than it is the hundredth.

 

[Thesuper]

I think I have some advice for you, some compulsions stay because you practice them more often, when crossing the street you look both ways because you practice it so often and you are certain the danger is real, if you cross the street intentionally not looking, you are probably going to feel anxious, the brain is telling you there is something wrong and making you scared so you will react.

With OCD that part of the brain is malfunctioning, in a situation where you would normally not create fear becuase you know the fear is not real, OCD is causing you're brain to keep sending worry signals, you are confused because you don't know how to react to the situation so you do some sort of action to neutralize the danger, its like looking both ways at a crosswalk, if you're compulsion stops the fear, then you're brain thinks you are reacting properly to the situation, as long as you do the compulsion it will stay with you.

You can teach you're mind its not real, the more you stop doing compulsions the more you're brain learns that there is no danger, its really hard to do, but you can do it if you try, eventually you will see the results.