EternalityFlames
New member
I have Emetophobia which is a fear of being unwell and others being unwell so I think this maybe where this has stemmed from but I remember if I think about it properly about having some of these habits when I was younger as well.
I have always avoided bleaches and cleaning products. If I use them I have to wash my hands and sometimes worry that I'll swallow it etc. I've had two very anxious times with my phobia in my life in which I stopped eating and during both of these times, prayers become a habit and doing certain habits. For example the first time when I was 12 I constantly prayed and I crossed my fingers. Over a year ago I stopped eating again (I am eating again now)..and during this time.. I have developed habits that haven't gone and only seem to increase.
I do things in 4's.. sometimes 2's..sometimes 3's but it's increased to 8's..sometime double that. I touch wood constantly. I can't go 30 minutes without touching wood several times. i must do it every few minutes actually. I do it in 4's or 2's. It started off doing things in 3's about 2 years ago maybes tiny bit less but then I got scared of 3's and do things in 4's, 2's or 8's.
My bath times. (this might sound gross! don't mean it to though) I have to shave my legs etc. sometimes even if I don't need to I'll think I'll relax today and not shave today as I don't need to but I can't relax and get this urge to so I have to before I get out. I have to wash my body after I've shaved but I have to wash my face before I shave and shampoo my hair and I won't wash my face after shampoo is in the bath or I've shaved.
When I wash my body, I wash under my arms 4 times, once on one side, once on the other, then once on the other side, and once on the other, then I just wash the rest of my body.
I pick my spots (sorry gross I know). I can't not, I pick them constantly which in turns spreads them.. it's bringing me down as I am self conscious and I model. I constantly pick at them. i have sudocreme on today and that's even hard because I'm having huge urges and am finding myself trying to pick, it's very strong urges and hard. I feel like if I don't do it, something bad might happen.
Clothing, for a while I couldn't wear certain clothing. i can't wear my christmas socks at the moment (it changes all the time what I feel I can and cannot wear) I can get so stressed going through underwear because certain underwear I won't wear..but then a few weeks later it might change to another type of underwear. I won't wear clothes if I wore them once and left them a couple of days before thinking of wearing again. At the moment the colour black has been making me anxious at times and I find myself wanting to wear more brighter clothes though sometimes I'll wear my blank jeans but black tops etc. I am anxious about. I get anxious about certain hoodies, or jackets. For example a hoody I have I won't wear at all..and another hoody I have I avoid wearing and sometimes force myself to wear..theres only one jacket in particular I wear at the moment. It can be stressful (admittedly) because sometimes I'll put the hoody on thinking I'll be brave its okay to wear it.. nothing'll happen but at the last minute (before I go out) i'll run around like a headless chicken changing it..sometimes I'll change my tops several times too because it just doesn't feel right when it's on and I'm scared if it doesn't feel right something bad might happen..it gets to the point sometimes I just drag myself out the door. I am so frightened something bad might happen tho. I am wearing socks right now I've avoided wearing for months even when I've had no socks to wear I'd rather go rummage for odd ones but I had none to wear..I only woke up with one sock on this morning and got anxious about that and could only find these ones.
My hair, I don't know if this is an OCD thing too? but sometimes I'm anxious about hairstyles and them not looking right, I'm worried what people might think, if a strand of hairs out, or the clips wonky I have to redo it all..i could do this about 10 times before finally giving up and leaving it.. or just tying it up.
I hateeeee with a passion touching door handles! Or anything outside my bedroom! if I do I have to constantly touch wood till I go and during television breaks I might go wash my hands even as far as scolding them.. I yelp cause of the pain but I actually intentionally scold myself on purpose. I sometimes even scold the inside of my mouth. I use my tops to touch door handles or my feet to close and open doors if my hands aren't free. If I'm in the living room every few minutes I will touch wood and feel anxious.
If I go out of the house.. I try to touch wood if I can but usually I forget about the behaviors (not in the back of my mind though but I try avoid them whilst I'm out).. but if I see a magpie I'll say "hello mr magpie" under my breath and do the whole question thing even via text if I have to..(the whole supersticious thing)..theres also a superstition that you're not meant to walk over three drains..so i avoid that.. and i even avoid walking over one drain or two..any drains at all..so I will avoid them even if it looks ridiculous to whoevers watching. I find myself touching wooden gates when I am out, or lamposts. I say a prayer type thing quite a lot under my breath when I am out, say I'm at a friends house when they go to the bathroom I'll say it under my breath quickly before they return. I have to say it before I leave the house too.. and touch wood before I leave the house. I won't wash my hands obsessively when I am out, cause I can't but when I'm home I wash my hands, have to take my jacket off and won't touch it unless I have to go out again.
If I go to the shops, I wash hands when I get home, before I do anything else. I'll get in, take jacket off, wash hands then do whatever I need to do.
If I touch my face I'll get my top and wipe my mouth, like upper lip constantly. I do that a lot, and the top of my tops get quite dirty from me doing this (due to make up etc.). If I have an itch near my mouth,I'll use my top to scratch it.
Before bed, I have to say a prayer and if I don't start the prayer off right I do it again, or repeat it. I repeat things I say a few times before I sleep, I have to touch wood before I sleep. i don't like sleeping on my left side though sometimes I'll challenge myself but usually sleep on my right side.
I don't like turning my computer off, my laptop hasn't been turned off in months, literally, I leave it open too. I don't know why, I am just scared to turn it off.
I drink bottled water and if I don't have bottled water I tend not to drink until I have to, and it'll be out of a glass and tap water but i prefer to avoid that.
I rinse everything before I use it, I don't like handling food, including bread, recently I've challenged myself and touch bread so that is easier at the moment but I have days I wash my hands or don't want to touch it.
I do not like reusing t-towels.
I don't like tidying up. My room gets a mess because I'm scared to touch things, and when I finally tidy I have to open my window, I have to wash my hands before touching my laptop or anything I use, I have to have a bath too usually after I've tidied, I don't even like touching the hoover. I don't like washing dishes neither, it scares me, I avoid washing them, but if I am made to or decide to I wash my hands loads after and I will NOT dry dishes, even if I did wash them, the thought of using a used t-towel's too terrifying!
I don't like touching laundry, so I tend to wash my hands after touching the laundry basket.
I am addicted to junk food, I feel like I need to eat it even if not hungry and it's packaged food too, food I don't need to prepare.
I don't like posting certain things on social networking sites.I have to touch wood everytime I go onto my profile page, or newsfeed. If I post something and it looks or feels wrong I have to delete it, if something isn't said or done right I delete and repost. I tend to avoid posting status's for this reason and commenting on peoples things as sometimes it makes me anxious and I end up deleting it.
It scares me to tell people about my prayer ritual in case it makes something bad happen. *touch wood*
I like to keep my window open,for past few months I've had to, but recently I've kept it open during the day but shut it at night as I'm scared someone might climb through the window.
I don't like typing out numbers usually neither..I usually write them like this..three..unless I feel I have to or sometimes I just do but usually I don't..
I also obsess over what people think about me..in relationships I worry I'll do something wrong,and I worry if someone becomes distant or breaks things off with me, I'm scared they're the one, scared I might lost them and constantly text..(like just everyday or every other day)..to keep in their lives..scared if I don't (even when together) that i might lose them....
theres probably other things..but yeah...
do you think this is OCD or what?
It sometimes does bring me down but most the time it's just a habit..and something I barely notice any more.
I don't do the whole putting things in certain orders..like books..I do on computer tabs but that isn't the same and i don't do the tidying loads or flicking the light switch on and off..so maybes i dont really have OCD but just habits..any thoughts? and any thoughts on how i can help myself..without medication..??
I have always avoided bleaches and cleaning products. If I use them I have to wash my hands and sometimes worry that I'll swallow it etc. I've had two very anxious times with my phobia in my life in which I stopped eating and during both of these times, prayers become a habit and doing certain habits. For example the first time when I was 12 I constantly prayed and I crossed my fingers. Over a year ago I stopped eating again (I am eating again now)..and during this time.. I have developed habits that haven't gone and only seem to increase.
I do things in 4's.. sometimes 2's..sometimes 3's but it's increased to 8's..sometime double that. I touch wood constantly. I can't go 30 minutes without touching wood several times. i must do it every few minutes actually. I do it in 4's or 2's. It started off doing things in 3's about 2 years ago maybes tiny bit less but then I got scared of 3's and do things in 4's, 2's or 8's.
My bath times. (this might sound gross! don't mean it to though) I have to shave my legs etc. sometimes even if I don't need to I'll think I'll relax today and not shave today as I don't need to but I can't relax and get this urge to so I have to before I get out. I have to wash my body after I've shaved but I have to wash my face before I shave and shampoo my hair and I won't wash my face after shampoo is in the bath or I've shaved.
When I wash my body, I wash under my arms 4 times, once on one side, once on the other, then once on the other side, and once on the other, then I just wash the rest of my body.
I pick my spots (sorry gross I know). I can't not, I pick them constantly which in turns spreads them.. it's bringing me down as I am self conscious and I model. I constantly pick at them. i have sudocreme on today and that's even hard because I'm having huge urges and am finding myself trying to pick, it's very strong urges and hard. I feel like if I don't do it, something bad might happen.
Clothing, for a while I couldn't wear certain clothing. i can't wear my christmas socks at the moment (it changes all the time what I feel I can and cannot wear) I can get so stressed going through underwear because certain underwear I won't wear..but then a few weeks later it might change to another type of underwear. I won't wear clothes if I wore them once and left them a couple of days before thinking of wearing again. At the moment the colour black has been making me anxious at times and I find myself wanting to wear more brighter clothes though sometimes I'll wear my blank jeans but black tops etc. I am anxious about. I get anxious about certain hoodies, or jackets. For example a hoody I have I won't wear at all..and another hoody I have I avoid wearing and sometimes force myself to wear..theres only one jacket in particular I wear at the moment. It can be stressful (admittedly) because sometimes I'll put the hoody on thinking I'll be brave its okay to wear it.. nothing'll happen but at the last minute (before I go out) i'll run around like a headless chicken changing it..sometimes I'll change my tops several times too because it just doesn't feel right when it's on and I'm scared if it doesn't feel right something bad might happen..it gets to the point sometimes I just drag myself out the door. I am so frightened something bad might happen tho. I am wearing socks right now I've avoided wearing for months even when I've had no socks to wear I'd rather go rummage for odd ones but I had none to wear..I only woke up with one sock on this morning and got anxious about that and could only find these ones.
My hair, I don't know if this is an OCD thing too? but sometimes I'm anxious about hairstyles and them not looking right, I'm worried what people might think, if a strand of hairs out, or the clips wonky I have to redo it all..i could do this about 10 times before finally giving up and leaving it.. or just tying it up.
I hateeeee with a passion touching door handles! Or anything outside my bedroom! if I do I have to constantly touch wood till I go and during television breaks I might go wash my hands even as far as scolding them.. I yelp cause of the pain but I actually intentionally scold myself on purpose. I sometimes even scold the inside of my mouth. I use my tops to touch door handles or my feet to close and open doors if my hands aren't free. If I'm in the living room every few minutes I will touch wood and feel anxious.
If I go out of the house.. I try to touch wood if I can but usually I forget about the behaviors (not in the back of my mind though but I try avoid them whilst I'm out).. but if I see a magpie I'll say "hello mr magpie" under my breath and do the whole question thing even via text if I have to..(the whole supersticious thing)..theres also a superstition that you're not meant to walk over three drains..so i avoid that.. and i even avoid walking over one drain or two..any drains at all..so I will avoid them even if it looks ridiculous to whoevers watching. I find myself touching wooden gates when I am out, or lamposts. I say a prayer type thing quite a lot under my breath when I am out, say I'm at a friends house when they go to the bathroom I'll say it under my breath quickly before they return. I have to say it before I leave the house too.. and touch wood before I leave the house. I won't wash my hands obsessively when I am out, cause I can't but when I'm home I wash my hands, have to take my jacket off and won't touch it unless I have to go out again.
If I go to the shops, I wash hands when I get home, before I do anything else. I'll get in, take jacket off, wash hands then do whatever I need to do.
If I touch my face I'll get my top and wipe my mouth, like upper lip constantly. I do that a lot, and the top of my tops get quite dirty from me doing this (due to make up etc.). If I have an itch near my mouth,I'll use my top to scratch it.
Before bed, I have to say a prayer and if I don't start the prayer off right I do it again, or repeat it. I repeat things I say a few times before I sleep, I have to touch wood before I sleep. i don't like sleeping on my left side though sometimes I'll challenge myself but usually sleep on my right side.
I don't like turning my computer off, my laptop hasn't been turned off in months, literally, I leave it open too. I don't know why, I am just scared to turn it off.
I drink bottled water and if I don't have bottled water I tend not to drink until I have to, and it'll be out of a glass and tap water but i prefer to avoid that.
I rinse everything before I use it, I don't like handling food, including bread, recently I've challenged myself and touch bread so that is easier at the moment but I have days I wash my hands or don't want to touch it.
I do not like reusing t-towels.
I don't like tidying up. My room gets a mess because I'm scared to touch things, and when I finally tidy I have to open my window, I have to wash my hands before touching my laptop or anything I use, I have to have a bath too usually after I've tidied, I don't even like touching the hoover. I don't like washing dishes neither, it scares me, I avoid washing them, but if I am made to or decide to I wash my hands loads after and I will NOT dry dishes, even if I did wash them, the thought of using a used t-towel's too terrifying!
I don't like touching laundry, so I tend to wash my hands after touching the laundry basket.
I am addicted to junk food, I feel like I need to eat it even if not hungry and it's packaged food too, food I don't need to prepare.
I don't like posting certain things on social networking sites.I have to touch wood everytime I go onto my profile page, or newsfeed. If I post something and it looks or feels wrong I have to delete it, if something isn't said or done right I delete and repost. I tend to avoid posting status's for this reason and commenting on peoples things as sometimes it makes me anxious and I end up deleting it.
It scares me to tell people about my prayer ritual in case it makes something bad happen. *touch wood*
I like to keep my window open,for past few months I've had to, but recently I've kept it open during the day but shut it at night as I'm scared someone might climb through the window.
I don't like typing out numbers usually neither..I usually write them like this..three..unless I feel I have to or sometimes I just do but usually I don't..
I also obsess over what people think about me..in relationships I worry I'll do something wrong,and I worry if someone becomes distant or breaks things off with me, I'm scared they're the one, scared I might lost them and constantly text..(like just everyday or every other day)..to keep in their lives..scared if I don't (even when together) that i might lose them....
theres probably other things..but yeah...
do you think this is OCD or what?
It sometimes does bring me down but most the time it's just a habit..and something I barely notice any more.
I don't do the whole putting things in certain orders..like books..I do on computer tabs but that isn't the same and i don't do the tidying loads or flicking the light switch on and off..so maybes i dont really have OCD but just habits..any thoughts? and any thoughts on how i can help myself..without medication..??
xx