hey there everyone.. I guess i have found the right place to go and ask for some help. Over the years, I have had bouts with OCD but I was always able to overcome them...Anyway, this thing has reared it's ugly head again.. I had a bout of it back in 1999, but it went away with my own wheelpower. Anyway, let me start to tell my story. Back in the early part of 2007 I had been with a buddy of mine sexually, and I Had fears of HIV. I went and tested out to 3 months and everything was NEGATIVE.. I was considered conclusively NEGATIVE. So I went on about my life. I had this one little thing stuck in my head though about he clinician who did my last hiv test and it was in regards to alcohol being left on my finger and it was not allowed to dry and some of it mixed with my blood... I was afriad that it mixed with my blood and interfered with my test.. So, I finally got up the courage to go back and test again about 2 weeks ago. My results were NEGATIVE again.. I was so happy. Anyway, i had the clinic tech put my HIV Rapid test on the scanner and scanned an image of it.. When I got home, the picture looked different than what it did in person earlier that day. The little line was still in the Control Area of the test, but not centered up, but it still showed a negative result...So, I went back and tested again the next day, and the results were negative again.. and the little line was not really perfecly centered up either.. but I really wanted another clinic tech to do the test. So, I went back on Friday and tested again... The results were negative again. So, I was happy and ready to move on... But I still could not get the thoughts of that silly looking photo out of my head.. So, I went back to another location last week and got tested... This clinic did not follow protocol with doing the test. She got a bit too much blood in the test device, and the results were still NEGATIVE... but the device window looked a bit pinker than normal... I was worried about that, and asked about it.. She told me everything was fine, it was just where she put too much blood in the device... Anyway, I have been stressing about this over and over and cannot get this out of my head... Deep down, I know that there is nothing wrong with me... All of my tests were NEGATIVE. I Have talked to doctors online...and they have all told me that I am just fine.. I guess I am just left with the impression of tests that just maybe not looked perfect... I have been told over and over that it does not matter if the little line on the HIV rapid test is not perfectly centered.. and also told that it did not matter if the background was pinker on the other test... it still showed a negative result.. The clinic where I did the 3 tests in a row have told me I am DONE with it and that I am NEGATIVE NEGATIVE NEGATIVE...even the supervisor was screaming at me and told me to MOVE ON, you are NEGATIVE and also the last test location said the same thing... I know I should be a happy man... Can someone tell me just what int he He&% is wrong with me? Why am I obsessing over this so much? I have been told over and over that I am fine... I am NEGATIVE! Why am I not able to move on.. At certain times, I am fine, but then those awful feelings and thoughts come back in my mind.. I really don't want to have to take medicine... I got over this OCD crap back in 1999... Is all of this guilt? Why can I not accept my test results as NEGATIVE? I know I am fine.. Can someone please help me out.. I thought my true reasons for feeling like this would come out to me.. but they haven't.. please help...
