Obsessively rethinking details of conversations

[newguy1985]

Well yesterday I was having a really had day and i carried a tense/depressed look on my face. I got even more tense / frustrated when I couldnt find my car. As I was walking in the garage, I see someone I've had class with several times but never really talked. We had the awkward "should we say hi or just keep moving" body language and finally I looked over at him and nodded my head. We didnt make eye contact so I duno if he saw me or not but right after he was like "wassup dude". At that point, it doesnt make sense for me to respond back because I just nodded so I just walked on before realizing that this person was with me at the other end of the garage and he prob realized that I'm completely clueless as to where im going. I made a very worried face because of that and now I'm redoing the situation over and over again in fear that 1) he might have seen the worried face 2) thought that I was actually @#%$ off at him for not making eye contact when I nodded.

Seriously, its so stupid but it CONSUMES me ! lol. This person isin my class, hence thats what I'm worried about. That he woudl think im @#%$ off at him or something.

 

[Carol]

I obsessively relive conversations all the time. It's silly because most of the time I won't go back and do anything about them, but yet I'll go over and over and over them in my head. I think I miss a lot of opportunities for good conversation by doing that. Like, sometimes I'll be "stuck" on one conversation when another person starts to talk to me, and I can't quite seem to focus on that conversation because I'm still mentally thinking about another one, and then I'll feel stupid about the way I behaved for the second conversation and then go over and over that one in my head.... It goes on and on. I have to stop doing that.

 

[recluse]

I'm guilty! I am constantly living in the past instead of the present...I am always thinking about pleasant times i have had instead of living each day as it comes.

 

[chris87]

I do this all the time. I am always replaying conversations in my mind and wondering if I should have responded differently.

 

[Jellybeans]

sounds totally normal. my best advice would be t o get your mind off it. it ain't worth the trouble it brings. get consumed by something else

 

[newguy1985]

I do this all the time. I am always replaying conversations in my mind and wondering if I should have responded differently.

But how do i "not care". I sit and tink about the worst possible situation, "he found my actions to be rude and no longer wishes to interact with me". For some reason that seems huge. I hate having people hate me. I'm a friendly guy and the thought of someone thinking I was rude is horrible.

 

[chris87]

But how do i "not care". I sit and tink about the worst possible situation, "he found my actions to be rude and no longer wishes to interact with me". For some reason that seems huge. I hate having people hate me. I'm a friendly guy and the thought of someone thinking I was rude is horrible.

I am the same way, so I can't give you good advice. I worry about everything, even relatively minor issues. It's easy for me to say not to stress about it, but I know that for someone with SA, it's an extremely difficult task.

 

[A-UK-Lovelly]

not how this sounds, but they guy probs dont care wether u made eye contact or not etc people without SA just dont think like that. he was probs thinking about what hes gonna eat when he gets in, saw u, said 'wassup dude' and carried on imaging his fridge and whats in it. sdont beat yourself up about something which had probs been forgoteen.

 

[Ken]

I do this all the time also. Like some of the others have said, that guy probably didn't even notice if you made a slip-up so try not to worry about it. Though I know that can be really hard at time.

 

[newguy1985]

not how this sounds, but they guy probs dont care wether u made eye contact or not etc people without SA just dont think like that. he was probs thinking about what hes gonna eat when he gets in, saw u, said 'wassup dude' and carried on imaging his fridge and whats in it. sdont beat yourself up about something which had probs been forgoteen.

thanks man Ill try.

 

[typewriterx]

<<< Guilty.
It's not helpful at all either. I just recognize all the little flaws I made.
&I have to point out to myself that the other person won't remember and that they are not over analyzing it, so I shouldn't either.

 

[newguy1985]

<<< Guilty.
It's not helpful at all either. I just recognize all the little flaws I made.
&I have to point out to myself that the other person won't remember and that they are not over analyzing it, so I shouldn't either.

Right now i've been doing some self talk
"would you be offended if you were in that situation?"
"assuming he did take note and was offended, its just ONE person and i have an ENTIRE life ahead of me. Its not worth it. "

 

[krs2snow]

Hey Newguy. I do this all the time too. Not even about conversations but about posts! Best advice I can come up with tho for ur situation is: make it right. He's in your class, right? So, next time u have class walk past him & say "hey" and go sit down. You don't gotta say more then that. Just Hi. Maybe grin a bit. You'll feel like you counter acted any bad vibes from b-4. Which btw, the guy has No clue there was anything awkward in that conversation. U probably already know that but just to reassure u, he has no idea. But the best part about doing this is You'll be taking charge of Yourself. & the more u do it the better u'll feel.

I try to make myself rectify the situation if I can. Oh, I end up w/new ones to obsess over soon enough but at least I feel better about the old one!

 

[newguy1985]

Hey Newguy. I do this all the time too. Not even about conversations but about posts! Best advice I can come up with tho for ur situation is: make it right. He's in your class, right? So, next time u have class walk past him & say "hey" and go sit down. You don't gotta say more then that. Just Hi. Maybe grin a bit. You'll feel like you counter acted any bad vibes from b-4. Which btw, the guy has No clue there was anything awkward in that conversation. U probably already know that but just to reassure u, he has no idea. But the best part about doing this is You'll be taking charge of Yourself. & the more u do it the better u'll feel.

I try to make myself rectify the situation if I can. Oh, I end up w/new ones to obsess over soon enough but at least I feel better about the old one!

But isnt that type of reassurance sorta like someone with OCD constantly thinking about the obsessions instead of challenging it and maknig it right? I've thought abut that but woulndt doing that to reassure actually just make me have to always reassure and its not actually fighting the problem?

I do apperciate the advice btw.

 

[krs2snow]

Hey again. I dunno if I understand what ur saying. I just mean, instead of obsessing about it- force yourself to say Hi next time & force yourself to be the nice person u are. That way you'll be taking charge of yourself by saying "hello" instead of lettin yourself worry about the conversation u had 2 days ago that no one else remembers, ya know what I mean? It's just something I do when I've worried over some dumb conversation I've had. I make myself, if it's possible, say hello or whatever the next time. In other words, I try to do better the next time. And not worry over whatever it was that I was worrying over. It makes me feel better b-cuz this time (if im successful) I didn't hide away. I took charge of myself. Does that make any sense?

 

[A-UK-Lovelly]

the thing is no ones perfect, so 'flaw counting' is ridiculous because what is a flaw exactly?
i guess a perfect conversation would be very gripping, very meaningful and yet funny. the reality is. 9/10 its the complete oppisite, its arkward, stupid and just pure daily bollox. which is ok!
if everyone was the life n soul of the party, there would be no life n soul of the party!
sometimes when im nervous, i stutter! which i hate because it makes me sound stupid lol but alot of people say they find it funny and dont judge me on it! alot of people also think im stupid, because i speak like 'ello u alright mate' in a cockney london accent, its so bad that when i was 14, i got the highest grade in my maths class. when the teacher read it out, peole were so suprised, littterally the hole class laughed lol
so my 'stupid' sounding way of talking can be concidered a flaw, but ya know, i look at it as a postitive, because when i do say something intellegant people notice it more and are abit like wow ok. and my stutter gives me character.
make ur flaws ur positives.

 

[newguy1985]

Hey again. I dunno if I understand what ur saying. I just mean, instead of obsessing about it- force yourself to say Hi next time & force yourself to be the nice person u are. That way you'll be taking charge of yourself by saying "hello" instead of lettin yourself worry about the conversation u had 2 days ago that no one else remembers, ya know what I mean? It's just something I do when I've worried over some dumb conversation I've had. I make myself, if it's possible, say hello or whatever the next time. & it makes me feel better b-cuz this time I didn't hide away. Does that make any sense?

well i forgot to mention I have OCD as a primary disorder so the way I see it is, if i let something like this bother me to the point that I need to fix it, im just hiding the problem. Facing the challenge would be to straight up not let it bother me (which im working on). Is that how SA works or no?

 

[krs2snow]

ah OCD is a different story

 

[PhantomPod]

I do this very often, as well. One of the simplest little things I am constantly worrying over is saying "hi" or "good morning" to the front desk receptionist at my work. When I arrive in the morning I usually just walk by her, or if we make eye contact I will say "hi" (though it feels like I say it so soft that she prob never even hears me). But yeah, there are some mornings when she we be all "hi!" or "good morning!" to me, and I can't help but over analyze and worry that she thinks I'm rude. I mean, the tone of her voice sounds nice, yet I still get the feeling that she is saying "hi" just to spite me, as in she notices how I rarely say hi to her in the morning and she prob thinks I'm rude. I honestly obsess about this every single morning when I get into work. It's absolutely ridiculous, and I acknowledge this fact, yet I have such a hard time getting it off my mind each morning. I don't want her to think I'm rude!


So yeah, long story short, I have this same issue! I try to think all, "oh, it's no big deal, I mean, I wouldn't be offended if I were her," but it's so hard to convince my anxiety-ridden mind that these positive thoughts are more reasonable.

 

[seekeroftruth]

...

I obsess about every single social interaction I have throughout the day and it is driving me #ing bonkers...

I have issues with eye contact and face tension, I tend to distort my face muscles after very short periods of social interaction which causes me to seemingly give people dirty looks, even though I am really giving myself a dirty look.