Nowhere to go, no chance to meet anyone

[biffy]

I'm currently working with a mental health nurse, and her main goal is to get me out of the house and start socialising. She was looking into groups and activities for people of my age group locally, and this week she told me, "Sorry, but I couldn't find anything". She was pretty much told that the only place people in their early twenties hang out is in bars. I wasn't surprised, because I've been looking for years. I can't drive and local public transport sucks, so I'm stuck in this town.

I love going to bars - but I have zero friends so I can't go, and they're the one place I refuse to go to on my own. I go to work, and I walk around town, and I never meet anyone. It's depressing. I want to get out there and make friends, but there are officially no opportunities anywhere. My only option is to become a Christian and go to church events :roll:. How am I ever going to overcome this if there is nowhere for me to go?

 

[miss_amy]

I don't think much to your nurses imagination. There must be loads of things to do other than bars. If you want to go to a bar but have no one to go with then find someone to go with. Be brave and just ask. How about the nurse, maybe she knows someone who you could go with.

What things do you like doing? Is there a college with evening classes near by? Some kind of sport you like? How about volunteering with something, helping at youth club or at a shelter???

Not every thing has to be around bars.

 

[biffy]

Going to a bar wasn't her idea, it's what she was told by everyone else.

I gave her a list of my interests, and she was basing her search on those. But I've been looking myself for years. There used to be evening classes at the local tech but they've been moved to another campus.

I've tried the local theatre group, who are very cliquey, and no matter what time of year to try to join them they're always in the middle of something. Plus, they're all in their fifties. I'm currently doing a creative writing class, but there's only two weeks left and I can't talk to anyone there. The nurse told me to get out more, but I go for walks into town and to the mall all the time, and it doesn't make a difference.

 

[ghostpicnic]

I think best places to meet/interact with anyone is at school. I find people actively seeking others out there. Second best being at work: Customers... co-workers... I guess it depends on the job, perhaps restaurants, stores, malls...

 

[miss_amy]

You have to put the work in to making friends. You obviously do see people at the writing group, work etc. If the interaction is not happening then thats the bit that needs working on. You say theres no opportunities for meeting friends, but if there are people around then there is. On your walks do you say hello to people, or speak to the people at your writing class or do you just expect them to approach you and do all the making friends bit.

Doesn't even have to be a group or a special thing, try talking to neighbours or just anyone you meet during your day. I know its hard but if you want friends you have to be appraochable and go get them ratherthan just expect them to come to you.

 

[biffy]

I can assure you I'm not waiting for anything to come to me. I wouldn't be seeing a nurse if I didn't want to get better.

I am open to meeting people. No one at the writing group is interested in talking about anything but writing. I'm happy to listen, but too scared to join in. Everyone rushes off to get home when the group is over. The class is a two-hour discussion, we don't get to sit and chat.

I work in the Post Office, where 99% of the customers are pensioners. The rest are jerks. My co-worker has already rejected the opportunity of doing anything socially with me.

I never even run into people I went to school with, sometimes I feel like the only twenty-something in town.

The problem is, even when I do meet people and try my best, it's not enough. After meeting people I keep in touch, but they make excuses not to see me again. Apparently, it's not ok to be quiet :roll:

I'm sorry if I sound like such a whiner, but no one outside of this town believes me when I say there's no hope for the future. I guess you have to live here to get it.

 

[stardog]

Yeah, I live in a small town where everyone seems to know each other from school/college, and I'm totally out of the social loop, hate it...if I go to a local bar or pub people will just think 'Why is freak boy here?' not that I have anyone to go with anyway. I also have bad social skills and lack knowledge about basic things which doesn't help matters much

 

[PhantomPod]

You could try country line dancing. My mom has just started going by herself and she really loves it. And she says that it is a fun activity that you can do by yourself. Like you don't need a dance partner or anything like that and many people go there by themselves. My mom has met a few women and they chat each week while they are there. My mom has been trying to get me to go with her. I'm at school right now, but when I come home to live for the summer I think I might try it...

 

[ghostpicnic]

I am open to meeting people. No one at the writing group is interested in talking about anything but writing. I'm happy to listen, but too scared to join in. Everyone rushes off to get home when the group is over. The class is a two-hour discussion, we don't get to sit and chat.

I work in the Post Office, where 99% of the customers are pensioners. The rest are jerks. My co-worker has already rejected the opportunity of doing anything socially with me.

I never even run into people I went to school with, sometimes I feel like the only twenty-something in town.

The problem is, even when I do meet people and try my best, it's not enough. After meeting people I keep in touch, but they make excuses not to see me again. Apparently, it's not ok to be quiet :roll:

I'm sorry if I sound like such a whiner, but no one outside of this town believes me when I say there's no hope for the future. I guess you have to live here to get it.

For your writing group, maybe if you tried to speak up and let yourself be known, then someone will take notice of you and perhaps like a certain trait of you.
I have an example of this where for my philosophy class, I spoke up whenever I felt like expressing my opinion, and a girl sitting next to me would notice me and say stuff to me sometimes.
It might be hard if you feel as if you stayed quiet for so long that it might be awkward if you spoke up, but in this situation, I think you'd be trying to make everyone get used to you. At first they might be surprised, then they'll get over it.

Seems like you don't goto school anymore, would you ever consider going back again? I don't know... it's just that I find school convenient because you can get educated and in your case, there are more opportunities to meet someone in my opinion.

If you don't think it's ok to be quiet, why don't you try to talk more? In my opinion, it seems like people with the intentions to have fun with the other person by maximizing their time together by mental and physical stimulation are usually successful. I.e... like people willing to engage in stimulating conversations, conversations that are fun for each other, doing activities together... like going to places, maybe just a walk.

 

[shynobody]

My only option is to become a Christian and go to church events :roll:.

and whats wrong with that? lol. actually i tried this years ago and just going doesnt mean its going to be a success :?

Apparently, it's not ok to be quiet :roll:

I KNOW!!! WHATS UP WITH THAT??? lol.

 

[biffy]

If you don't think it's ok to be quiet, why don't you try to talk more? In my opinion, it seems like people with the intentions to have fun with the other person by maximizing their time together by mental and physical stimulation are usually successful. I.e... like people willing to engage in stimulating conversations, conversations that are fun for each other, doing activities together... like going to places, maybe just a walk.

If I could talk more, I probably wouldn't be on this site :lol: I would love to be able to provide stimulating conversation instead of barely being able to form words. Even when I'm at my most confident, I struggle to say anything. I get slightly better at talking to people after I've known them for ages but most new people I meet can't see past the first impression.

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm starting a personal development course soon, with a local mental health charity. That's all I have to look forward to, so hopefully it will be a success.

Thanks for listening to me moan

 

[Scrabbl]

in my experience joining a sports club is a great idea. You get to know people without talking to them much. & the endorphin you get after work outs makes you feel more energized to fight SP.
You could always try a new sport and get some coaching if you don't have any interests yet.

 

[Infected_Malignity]

i used to fake the church thing to make friends, then go home and read my satanic bible! and that's when i realized i'm truly deceptive and evil... though maybe a little desperate for friends!

it worked though, and once i met cooler people outside the church i basically told my churchgoing friends that we share absolutely no beliefs and i was just doing it for human contact... and then they hated me forever. lol@ them for even giving a shit

 

[miss_amy]

The first step rather than look clubs etc is accepting the problem is the SA. Your first post on this thread just blames the nowhere to go and the dead town, nothing to do...when you clearly do stuff. If it were true that it were the town stopping you having friendships then no one in your town would have any friends.

I live in a really tiny village which is not exactly rocking but people get to together and opportunities are there if you are up to getting it.

I'm not getting at you but your posts are so negative about the town. If you blame everything outside then nothing will change. Look at the things you can change......yourself and your perseption of your surroundings.

 

[biffy]

The first step rather than look clubs etc is accepting the problem is the SA. Your first post on this thread just blames the nowhere to go and the dead town, nothing to do...when you clearly do stuff. If it were true that it were the town stopping you having friendships then no one in your town would have any friends.

I live in a really tiny village which is not exactly rocking but people get to together and opportunities are there if you are up to getting it.

I'm not getting at you but your posts are so negative about the town. If you blame everything outside then nothing will change. Look at the things you can change......yourself and your perseption of your surroundings.

I totally accept that I have SA. I know that there are changes I need to make within myself. I am working on becoming better. I'm not blaming the town. I'm just saying that there is very little to do, and it's hard to socialise. I am well aware of what I can change, thanks.