Nothing's real anymore.

[Moloch]

Hello. I've had OCD since I was a little child - checking about 50 times a day if I had put all the books, pens and pencils in, et cetera. I even was afraid after every test I took because I never was sure if I had given it in. And every little detail worries me.

I know it's not logical, I think that still keeps me sane.

Now, I have a problem. Five months ago I had unprotected sex with a girl and I am still so damn worried. She told she didn't have anything. I took tests anyway - 4 times - after 2 weeks, a month, 3 months and 5 months- I spent a LOT of money.

Everything came back negative each time. Now the problem's that I'm afraid If I gave the blood for testing, If I did that and this, If the doctor told everything negative or not, but I clearly can remember him telling that blood's good, no hiv and that everything's okay. After A week I called again and they told that I'm fine - now I'm replying that over and over inside my head, again and again.

I want to feel good, I WANT TO WORRY about whether I LOCKED THE DOORS (that's such a little thing), I only want to be sure if I'm healthy.



It's so disturbing.
I can't really sleep, I can't feel safe and I can't look with a smile towards future. Expression of deep pain is already carved in my 19 year-old's face.


Actually writing this helped me a bit. Still I know my OCD attack will come back.

I'm wondering if I should took another test, because I've somewhere heard it takes 6 months for that **** hiv, although forums mostly says 3.

''5 months is conclusive for everything'' - that's what people said. I want to believe.

God, tough combination, isn't it?

I just wanted to share this and If someone would write something about this, It would be really great.

 

[LockieKermit]

Physical exericse, meditation and just positive thinking helps alot.

Relax dude, you dont have AIDS or HIV or any of that ****...it's all in your head.

Take it easy, It's OCD talking, making you worry. It's not you, its a buble surounding you, but all bubbles can break.

I would recomend talking to a psychologist. Psychologist, not psychiatrist..im my opinion, psychiatrists are real quick to hand you medication, psychologists tend to help you get over thing naturaly, and may only use meds as a last resort as only a tiny amount...Dont rely on medication to much.

Lockie

 

[Bernadette]

Did you get the results in writing? Maybe it would help if you could see it there, black on white.

 

[Moloch]

Thank you both for comments.

I've seen my 3 month results- everything was okay. I looked at them and wasn't stressed - they were negative. Doubts came late. I remember calling for 5 month results twice. ''EVERYTHING'S FINE'' they said.

I think I'm just going to send this ocd obsession to hell. I've tried to imagine worst. It worked for a while.

Thing is I can't really feel good. But maybe that's not this particular obsession anymore. Maybe something general.

I know I don't have anything, still, it's difficult to feel good..