Nothing to fear but FEAR itself!

[Legiac]

I can't believe I never saw it before! I was never afraid of being in social situations to begin with! I've been extremely shy all my life, and I could never figure it out but I think I just came to a stunning conclusion - You're not afraid of what you think you are!

This is so weird, but so true. When you have extreme fears (social anxiety, panic attacks, etc), you start becoming afraid - not of the actual subject you think you fear so much - but of the very fear itself! It's just a pattern that can be broken whenever you want to break it

The only way to break it is to quit obsessing on the topic - the more focus you give it, the more fear you'll have. Now I understand why if I didn't get any/much sleep at all, the next day I'd be almost invincible (lol). Apparently if you avert your attention from the fear, you can learn to feel so much better and fear so much less! It's so much easier than we've made it out to be.

Look, it might sound like it's 'too good to be true', or that it's 'wishful thinking', but if you really think so - then you're never going to see it, unfortunately. Skeptics, this one isn't going to work for you. Sometimes you just have to break old ways. And trust me on this one

 

[Joey86]

Yup I agree with most of what you've said Legiac. Social anxiety is a mental problem that most of us obsess with. To just stop obsessing is easier said than done. It requires a lot of thinking to convince yourself to be something else, but I guess it can be done in the end. The problem I think is that social anxiety itself is an obsessive condition: placing too much focus on yourself that you're always self-concious.

I've found that there are certian situations where my social anxiety doesn't affect me much at all.

1. Extreme confidence - that feeling you get when you've just accomplished something really great, and that anything you do, you have no doubt you'll succeed.

2. Order of Importance - sometimes something will come along that will make you forget your social anxiety because its been replaced by something much more important... like extreme lack of sleep, being physically tired, death, extreme anger, etc.

The problem is that these moments are fleeting. It's hard to maintain them, and in some cases, you wouldn't want to maintain them.

 

[Legiac]

You're right, I guess you wouldn't want extreme confidence all the time. Just being centered has always seemed to have the greatest benefits. But what about, like you said, the order of importance? Maybe finding something to fill the hole is all you really need. Maybe something positive...

 

[Joey86]

Yeah it's hard to think of many positive things that will go the distance long enough for you to forget how to be socially anxious. The only thing I can think of is maybe true love. I know that sounds extraordinarily corny lol.

I've been on dates where I really didn't care what anybody else thought of me. My best friend makes me feel simular because he's really close, and we share most things, including our feelings about social anxiety. But all these feelings seem to disapear after a while...

 

[rado31]

i must admit that i dont understand that fear of fear of fear chain thing. obviously some shrink was very bored and let himself to make some reccurent non-sense theory because he was never good in math or exact sciences.

.....
i will tell you this instead

fear of rejection is actually worse than any kind of rejection.

it is useless, i know.

 

[Legiac]

It actually does make sense, if you let it. I've read it numerous times in the past, but for some reason lately it's been really conveying a message to me that I need to hear. Even like you said, the fear of rejection is worse than actually being rejected, because it's all of the anticipation and obsession that make something so small turn into a huge 'problem'. Quite frankly, I've been realizing that's almost as rational as being afraid of your own shadow!

Oh well, I though it was worth a post anyway. Makes me feel a lot better as of now

 

[rado31]

Yup I agree with most of what you've said Legiac. Social anxiety is a mental problem that most of us obsess with. To just stop obsessing is easier said than done. It requires a lot of thinking to convince yourself to be something else, but I guess it can be done in the end. The problem I think is that social anxiety itself is an obsessive condition: placing too much focus on yourself that you're always self-concious.

I've found that there are certian situations where my social anxiety doesn't affect me much at all.

1. Extreme confidence - that feeling you get when you've just accomplished something really great, and that anything you do, you have no doubt you'll succeed.

2. Order of Importance - sometimes something will come along that will make you forget your social anxiety because its been replaced by something much more important... like extreme lack of sleep, being physically tired, death, extreme anger, etc.

The problem is that these moments are fleeting. It's hard to maintain them, and in some cases, you wouldn't want to maintain them.

basically this is all true, i cannot deny anything said here. . we will have restless life in order to forget our insecurities. and this post is scarry because i m already too tired.