Not knowing what to say...

[Ryguy2598]

People who are "shy" often feel like they don't know what to say and that this is part of the reason why they don't talk much. However, is it really true that we don't know what to say most of the time or is it that our ability to know what to say is being blocked by our feelings, mindset, etc.? So could a "shy" person actually have a talkative side, but, in certain situations, they just don't show people that most of the time because of the state they're in?

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

Yes I think so. Many shy people have an overwhelming fear being judged negatively by others, and this causes them not to speak up in situations where a non-shy (or less shy) person would just say what they had to say, so I agree that in such a scenario it's not a case of them having nothing to say, but rather a fear of saying it.

I do think however that there are certain situations where shy people genuinely don't know what to say. For example, a lot of shy people seem to have problems making smalltalk, which can be a barrier to them forming relationships with others.

 

[nightcrawler]

In a one-on-one conversation with someone I'm comfortable with (so usually not a girl then ) I can be quite chatty and have opinions on lots of things. However in a group situation I normally don't say much/anything ::

 

[Falkor]

You 'think' that you dunno what to say, and you 'think' too much about what you say.
Because we are so shy, we are over-thinking about how other's precieve us, while so many people just say without even thinking.
we tend to act all nicely, we are such perfectionists, we don't want to give a wrong impression.
but in fact, we never want to cross the law of normality but we sure are acting normal! but however, we keep on telling ourselfes it's just stupidity.
m not saying it's wrong to be a little decent, but hey, just let it flow, and you can say what you want. But if your mind really gets blank, you could train your social skills.
So many options, i know it's hard, cuz I've been there.. But Now I just say what I think, even though it might sound SOO WEIRD.

 

[Niiña]

yes I'm totally agree with you, sometimes when we feel that our opinions are good, we want talk but we don't have the sufficient security for to express it, and we became invisible again, this is like a vicious circle maybe this situation depresses us also if we never try to opine we'll never know the impression that gives to others our opinion,Sometimes we give more importance to our ideas prefabricated than to reality
Sometimes it happens that I want to say something to others but I doubt both to speak while someone else says just what I was going to say

 

[fdctk]

In a one-on-one conversation with someone I'm comfortable with (so usually not a girl then ) I can be quite chatty and have opinions on lots of things. However in a group situation I normally don't say much/anything ::

I'm the complete opposite. I have no trouble at all speaking up in groups but once I'm 1v1 w/ someone I become reserved.. especially when it's an attractive female. It often ends in the girl thinking I have no interest in her.

 

[Beatrice]

Yes! I am very talkative when I'm comfortable. I'm even loud. My mom thinks I have selective mutism; I have no idea, but I definitely seem like a completely different person in different situations. It sucks because people love the bubbly side of me. There was this guy I worked with, and he had the biggest crush on me. But I was afraid to date him because he knew and was attracted to the side of me that came out in that environment, because I was comfortable there. But if he had me hang out with his buddies, I'd probably feel REALLY shy. I'm shy around guys as it is, anyway. Just don't feel comfortable. Maybe has to do with not having a father, who knows.

 

[mikebird]

Yep

I like one-to-one situations. When there's a magic moment where everyone's gone out of the room, and just two of us in here, and I don't know the other person, I always strike up a chat, and that could go on all day, but I don't like it when someone else comes in, and they're best mates... no I get cut off, immediately. Maybe it's my fault cos I shut up and might seem embarrassed, or because they switch off, with backs turned, they don't wanna know. I'll be wound up on this for years to come. Confidence? Ego?

I struggle with three of us at the time (fresh people, or long term friends)

When it gets to four of us, it is manageable, but anxiety eats in...

Public speaking is not a favourite. I wonder how often office people love group hugs. That might be a good time for me to mock them. To gain some standing, or an absolute killer for me?

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

It depends on the situation, comfort, etc. I can be very talkative or not. 1 on 1 depends same with groups, I can be great 1on1 or not, same with groups. Environment is key. Expectations ppl have too. At my last job which was too long ago, at a smaller toy store I became mostly very comfortable and was flirtatious with some co-workers, actually went out, and fun-loving, and I mean still had my issues but was good feeling overall. Translated out of work too. Felt better about myself AND my sense of self too! THEN... well, stuff happened and yeah...

Anyways these differences in situations is all normal really just exaggerated by some SA.

 

[Bustn Justin]

! on 1 conversations are easy for me too. When I am in a group I have a hard time saying what I want and sometimes feel that the group has no interest in me at all.

As well I find it easier to private message someone rather than post something for everyone to see.

 

[Patrick26]

I just don't know what to say. Someone can tell me something and because i'm slow in the head i can't think of a reply fast enough. I normally just say "Yeah", "Sure", "Ok", etc. Get rid of this slowness i have and i'll probably be social all the time.

 

[warewolf95]

Oh jeez, this is like the most ive ever related to a thread before. I am very talkative. Dont get me started on music cuz then you become an encyclopedia in just a few seconds. But if im not talking to someone about music, I normally dont talk at all because I never know what to say because I dont care about anything else. Not even if a girl I like actually speaks to me.

 

[MrJones]

I can talk, but I don't know how to listen.

^(-1) (inverse )

When I'm 1on1 with someone that makes me feel comfortable I can talk like a normal guy, but when I feel I'm surrounded by people I petrify and can't say a word. But I can always listen to other people. The bad thing is that sometimes I can't answer them ::.

 

[thegunners21]

I think it mainly stems from, as saskia said that we overthink too much and don't want to give a wrong impression. I can have very strong opinions and state them clearly when i am with someone who i am comfortable with (example - my roommate).

But put me with an attractive female and i would probably not say anything fearing i might say something stupid. I think too much.

 

[thegunners21]

Yes! I am very talkative when I'm comfortable. I'm even loud. My mom thinks I have selective mutism; I have no idea, but I definitely seem like a completely different person in different situations. It sucks because people love the bubbly side of me. There was this guy I worked with, and he had the biggest crush on me. But I was afraid to date him because he knew and was attracted to the side of me that came out in that environment, because I was comfortable there. But if he had me hang out with his buddies, I'd probably feel REALLY shy. I'm shy around guys as it is, anyway. Just don't feel comfortable. Maybe has to do with not having a father, who knows.

So you are saying that your shyness stems from not having a male friend or relative in your childhood years? Did you have a brother or cousin that you were close with.

Sorry to hear about your father btw.

 

[paye]

talking to someone is really complicated "work" for me.