sickofbeinglonely said:
Hi Renegade,
That lost post is so true. I find I've also rejected people because I've assumed they would reject me. I feel as though I'm invisible when I'm out but all the time I'm observing other people. I have to keep reminding myself that I have no evidence to think that they've got better lives than me or are much happier people. But it always makes me feel lonelier to see small groups of people accepting each other and ignoring me. That feeling goes back to when I was at school which I hated and couldn't wait to leave.
I naturally assume people dislike me until I get to know them so it's hard not to permanently feel rejected.
Invisible you say? Yes, we try to be invisible and not to atract anyone's attention on us. Like when you meet with your coleagues and they are all grouped toghether and you say hy to them, you become the center of attention. And after this you are invisible and you feel comfortable, although you eager for attention, it's always a battle in the mind.
I don't know if other people are happier than us, SA-ers, but the majority have a general predisposition for happiness, and social interaction triggers that ''joy of living'' Wheras to us social interaction works the other way around. But anyway, how much joy can people who reject us bring us ?
And you often wonder: ain't I a human too, ain't I good enough for nobody, am I so boring, so disgusting, so repulsive, so different ? It feels I'm not one of them, it somethimes looks like they have a secret language and rules known only by them. It's me and the rest of the world, two different species. But this thoughts are self-distructive and when they envade my mind I try to debate them and give myself rational explanations.
About this subject..being part of a group and feeling accepted as a part of it. This dates back to our ancesters, we humans are sociable beeings and feel the need to belong to a culture, a nation, a society. Many ''normal'' people don't realize the importance of this issue.
Even animals in the wild die if they are rejected from the group, not because of starvation or first or other things, but because they are not integrated and a member of a pack. That's how I see it. Or if they don't die they are very miserable and without a purpose, just walk around like zombies and eventually die.
An interesting thing I heard today, parots held in captivity actualy die from lonelyness, if they don't get attention and stuff. I don't how true this is, but I heard about many cases.
Oh, and about the subject of the topic, your rank in a certain gang of boys is a sign of power and to girls this aspect is very important, they often choose the lider cause they need and feel protected this way, the lower your rank is in your group of friends the lower chances you have to get girls interested into you. Hierarchy does matter a lot. But that doesn't apply in all situation, lucky for us.
Ok, enough, if I write more I'll get depressed. :roll:
a year ago or so this wouldnt have affected me much, but I guess I just get easily depressed these days. Hey thats another turn-off isn't it? I guess there's no hope for me.
