No one takes my social anxiety seriously.

Zipper

Zipper

Well-known member
Where do you think the sexual anxiety comes from? Have women made you anxious? How did your parents raise you to relate to women? What did they teach you about relations between the genders?
 
winnipegjets

winnipegjets

Well-known member
shut_out_of_life said:
Foxglove said:
I wish there was some kind of euthanasia center where a hopeless case could go to end a failed life.
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Me too. If there were I'd be first in line.

I hope I can find the courage to off myself after my parents pass away. Once they're gone, I won't have any social contacts at all.
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Sounds like you're a quitter. I bet you could make great things happen in your life, but you take the easy way out, and feel sorry for yourself.
 
alter_ego

alter_ego

Well-known member
I also think the hardcore social anxiety cases are derided even in forums like this one.

Well, you might get the odd loser (because that is what anyone who mocks someone else's problems is) with an incredibly boring life as they obviously have nothing better to do, but most people who post on this forum are genuine and sympathetic.

I have read your posts tho I never have much time to reply (have to go offline v.soon again) and I just feel so much sympathy for you. Even tho you don't know any of us, please, please don't feel so alone. As the saying goes, a stranger is just a friend you never met. :D
 
F

flake__

Well-known member
shut_out_of_life said:
How could I possibly make great things happen now? If you read my first post you would know that I have absolutely nothing going for me.

I'm not even able to fake a likable personality on an anonymous internet forum. People take an instant disliking to me no matter what I do. It's impossible to do great things in life when you completely lack interpersonal skills.

I bet you have a lot of emotional support from your family and friends. You probably don't know what's it like to be completely written off by everyone. You have no right to judge me.
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Shut out of life feel free to vent your frustrations on this forum :) this is partly what these things are for! It's perfectly naturally you are feeling unhappy with life in your present situation. You should not feel guilty for doing so.

But read your post again. Does it not smack of SA? 'I have a rubbish personality', 'I have nothing going for me'....is this not the SA talking irrationally and not the truth! It's the SA bringing you down and making you feel worthless. You are not worthless! I feel for you in your position atm...but just think, you have nothing to lose right, everything to gain? I hope you are able to try something...CBT, ACT, or that support group i gave you the link for, whatever...in order to improve your situation because i think things could easily improve for you...what i've learnt is the worse a situation you are in, the easier it is to make improvements, and once you've started trying to get better you will never go back to not trying :D
 
-Andrew-

-Andrew-

Member
I know about the part where no one understands. My brother knows nothing about it, and I can hear him saying I should get a life all I do is sleep and work. I have few friends left because i found being alone felt better than going to a bar.. When I first started my job I said nothing to anyone, they all called me the quite kid..

I feel being introduced to the public, and surrounding yourself with out going people helps the problem, it wont totally cure it but it helps.
 
PerpetualCrossroad

PerpetualCrossroad

Member
shut_out_of_life said:
Zipper said:
Where do you think the sexual anxiety comes from? Have women made you anxious? How did your parents raise you to relate to women? What did they teach you about relations between the genders?
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I got put down by my female classmates throughout my teenage years. I ended up becoming self-conscious about my physical appearance because of their insults. Now, I can't stand to look in the mirror, and I haven't had my picture taken in years. Approaching a woman to ask for a date is the most nerve-grinding thing I can think of. I have no doubt that I would get turned down every single time.

If a young male hasn't started dating and kissing by his mid-teens, he quickly falls behind socially, while his peers leave him behind in the dust. Most high school and college girls hate inexperienced "geeks," so it's next to impossible for an introverted late-bloomer to get a girlfriend by his later teens.

The situation only gets worse after high school/college. Once a man hits his mid-twenties without having so much as kissed a girl, no female will have anything to do with him. He gets labeled a creep by all the geek-hating female snobs.

CREEP is the word most snobbish women use to dehumanize timid, introverted males.
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For whatever its worth I understand man. I injured my penis and had erectile dysfunction from 13 - 20. FUCK! This made things very hard for me, and I too fell behind. I know how that downward spiral begins all too well.

My advice is to see a few prostitutes. You have nothing to lose. Theirs is a profession that is generally looked down upon, so they are in no position to judge you. I was seeing them at 18 with a broken penis just to feel the warmth of a womans body. And believe me nothing is more humilitating seeing one, having them expecting a virile young chap 'Wow your so young, you must be able to come 2 or 3 times in 30 mins" and then getting a guy with complete ED. But I still managed to have fun, I think you should try to too.
 
spectator

spectator

Well-known member
shut_out_of_life said:
I haven't had a social life for the last 21 years. I haven't had a single friend since the age of sixteen. My social phobia has completely destroyed my life - I don't have a college education, I can't drive a car, I have no skills or talents, I've never been in a romantic relationship - I've never even had any physical contact with a woman, I have a pathetic work history, my extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents) has written me off - they pretend like I never existed, my immediate family (parents and siblings) ignore me completely, I have severe depression (I think it's exogenous depression), I'm saddled with a mental health history - it's a major stigma, and I only leave my apartment once every two weeks or so to go to a worthless talk therapy session. Now that I'm in my late thirties (37), what little hope I had when I was younger is gone.

I have an older brother who turned out just like me and two "old maid" sisters who have never dated. Looking at the way my siblings turned out, I feel like I never had a chance to have a worthwhile, normal life. I don't know any other families where all the children ended up never having sexual relationships. All of my siblings are depressed and none of them have benfitted from therapy and/or medication.

The only people who will have anything to do with me are mental health case workers who get paid for every single minute they're around me. The case workers repeatedly make light of my social anxiety disorder and tell me that they've known women who were raped so my problem can't begin to compare to the trauma of people who have "really" suffered.

I only ever had one caseworker who did take my problem seriously. Back in the mid-nineties, this caseworker tried to get me an appointment with a trauma therapist because she said I exhibited symptoms of someone who was suffering from PTSD. The trauma therapist spoke with my caseworker and agreed that I sounded like I had PTSD. But when my case worker tried to get me a referral, she was turned down by her boss because the costly trauma therapist was needed for "real" trauma cases like rape victims. So that was the one and only time I had someone look into finding a specialized treatment for me.

I was physically beaten up many times throughout my elementary and junior high school years. I was also constantly insulted and ostracized by all my school peers. But according to most of my caseworkers, I never had a truly traumatic experience - its seems you need to be a rape victim, combat veteran, or cancer survivor to be a "true" PTSD case.

I know I was a completely different person before the non-stop bullying and social exclusion of my school years. I think my developing brain was flooded with stress hormones and permanently damaged during my childhood and early teens. My older brother was bullied and ostracized just like I was and he turned out the same way.

I'm sick of social phobia being seen as an insignificant problem. I've been around rape victims and every rape victim I've known has been more confident and higher functioning than me. They all had husbands and boyfriends, they could all laugh, they all had jobs, and they all had active social lives. Most of the rape victims went on to start families with their husbands.

Who is worse off, a person who suffers a traumatic experience like rape but still goes on to have a normal life with a spouse and children, or a person who is a social outcast in his teens and remains involuntarily single and alone for his entire life, while all the normal people label him a loser and a freak?

I've been told I'm a horrible person because I think the involuntary life-long social isolate has it worse than most other people. The few loner geeks I know have terrible lives compared to all the well-rounded, socially normal people.

I really wish I was dead. If I wasn't a coward, I would have killed myself a long time ago. I've been around too many failed suicides during my hospitalizations for depression. After seeing the brain damage, physical disfigurement, and chronic pain suffered by the failed suicides, I'm afraid to make an attempt myself.

I should be dead. My life's been over for over twenty years.
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Hi friend. I'm only 18 so don't take my advice for holy words but, this is all I can think of:

Get a hobby. Get a time-consuming job (if you'd rather not deal with people, maybe something mechanized, factory work or something). Whatever you do, do NOT keep staying in your apartment. The only way to end the state you are in is to busy yourself with anything, even if it seems like bullshit. Learn martial arts, learn to play an instrument and take private lessons. Join some organization, political, charity, whatever. Just be a part of SOMETHING. End your therapy sessions because they appear worthless. Go to a university; where I go there are a whole group of people in their 40s attending, who keep to themselves but hey- better than nothing. Try moving to a big city. You'll be surprised; I'm probably as lonely as you, albeit younger; you take a stroll through Washington Square Park at night, and you'll find yourself making friends with dozens of random men and women, all the same age as you, or younger, or older, all drunk, happy, open, willing to listen- a better therapy than the therapists you describe. If you keep yourself busy something will have to happen. You will end up getting to know someone. I know a guy who met his to-be-wife when he was 40 because she and he were shopping at the same flea market and found some album they both wanted, and they were both single and lonely, and now they're a relatively happy couple. Don't let anyone tell you it will last like this forever. Just please listen and keep yourself busy as hell, constantly doing some chore, some job, some work, some favor. Things happen from there. As far as parties and that sort of thing- I too avoid situations designed for socialization, but it's better to at least be visible than hide in your home.

I was bullied up until 3rd grade. During middle school I had a female bully, who actually liked me, but her form of liking me was controlling me, making fun of me, embarrassing me at every oppurtunity, and treating me like I was scum at her heel. And since I was so terrified of fighting back, I have major problems right now; I can't be in a healthy relationship unless I feel like I'm being exploited or am submissive in some way. Bullying can really **** up the mind in horrific ways, and it has its effect on all of us. I haven't been able to cure myself so I doubt you will, but people are more mature at your age, at my age...try to at least mitigate feelings of dread.

shut_out_of_life said:
Zipper said:
Where do you think the sexual anxiety comes from? Have women made you anxious? How did your parents raise you to relate to women? What did they teach you about relations between the genders?
Click to expand...
I got put down by my female classmates throughout my teenage years. I ended up becoming self-conscious about my physical appearance because of their insults. Now, I can't stand to look in the mirror, and I haven't had my picture taken in years. Approaching a woman to ask for a date is the most nerve-grinding thing I can think of. I have no doubt that I would get turned down every single time.

If a young male hasn't started dating and kissing by his mid-teens, he quickly falls behind socially, while his peers leave him behind in the dust. Most high school and college girls hate inexperienced "geeks," so it's next to impossible for an introverted late-bloomer to get a girlfriend by his later teens.

The situation only gets worse after high school/college. Once a man hits his mid-twenties without having so much as kissed a girl, no female will have anything to do with him. He gets labeled a creep by all the geek-hating female snobs.

CREEP is the word most snobbish women use to dehumanize timid, introverted males.
Click to expand...

I just want you to know I'm pretty much the poster-boy for everything in this post. I'm in my late-teens, no experience in mid-teens- left behind in the dust by friends, everything. Hell, my roomate's girlfriend is in the room 10 steps from me. She gives me looks of disgust. Most girls give me those looks. The only ones who don't are the homeless girls I hang out with on some nights. Every *pretty* girl I pass by, even when I'm not looking directly at them, making any comment, or doing anything disrespectful, make this sort of facial twitch like a demon just groped them.

I fear I'm heading down that path you laid out so well. So hey- there's many of us you know...we just come from the depths...so we're not seen as often. We're specters :)

All I really want to secure for myself is a kid. If women still treat me like dirt by the time I'm your age, I'll get a mail-order bride. When she cheats on me, I'll divorce her, and the kids are going to be with me, and I'm going to do everything I can to prevent them from coming to my psychological state when they reach their late teens.

Wow, two posts and I feel like you're my kin!
 
whitmo

whitmo

Member
shut_out_of_life said:
Thanks for the response. I'm glad that someone else understands the "neighbor problem."

No one deserves to go through life being the big joke that everyone else laughs at. I've grown to hate the word "neighbor." If it weren't for my nosy, judgmental neighbors, I would have a much easier time leaving my apartment to go places. It's pretty horrible when you continually encounter this kind of derision outside of your home. But when you're surrounded by mean people at your place of residence, you end up developing a batshit crazy "siege mentality" that will tear your nerves apart. You can't get any relief from it because it's happening right where you have to live. There's an ongoing commentary in my neighborhood about what a loser I am, and it exacerbates my social anxiety problems like nothing else.

I wish I could find and rent an isolated stand-alone trailer along one of the country roads around here so I would be far away from my nearest neighbor. If I didn't have any neighbors, it would alleviate a lot of the constant stress I'm under and I would be able to get out more often.

The vast majority of Americans think mental illness is funny. I've always thought this quote was right on: "Men show their characters in nothing more clearly than in what they think laughable." - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I think laughing at timid, socially anxious, low self-esteem "geeks" is the equivalent of laughing at someone with Alzheimer's Disease or any other kind of mental impairment that causes one to to involuntarily behave in an eccentric fashion. There's nothing inherently amusing about it. And the people who laugh are scum.
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I feel like we live on the same street or something. Most of my neighbors are females and getting up in age. I feel you on the nosey part. It is like 30 degrees where I live and my next door neighbor comes and sits on the porch each morning when I am on my way out. :roll: Sometimes I try to go out the back door, but then she will come out her back door faking like she has trash to throw out. She does this to see if I will say good morning or not. I feel just like you do. If I ever make enough money I am going to buy a nice home that is in the middle of nowhere with no neighbors in sight. I get laughed at and made fun if everyday and I dont get it. I dont bother anyone. I keep to myself, but I am always the target. I wish people would just leave me the hell alone. Why do they even care. [/i]
 
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