No naughty business due to extreme low selfesteem in phiysical appearance.

[Naesala]

I don`t really know how to say this short and to the point, so it might be a long story....

But here is the thing. Since I was 12 year old I got extremely bullied and have had no friends. I`m 32 now and I`m just starting to pick up my life now, but in the end I still can`t say I have a friendship or positive experiences with friendship/intimacy.

This also goes for sexual intimacy. I`m a virgin and have absolutely nothing in life that comes close to any kind of pleasurable sexual tension. I feel very undesirable, I have absolutely no selfesteem when it comes down to my physical appearance or my abilities to make someone happy. So I can accept that I`m alone (atleast for right now and the near future), but I really miss some kind of sexual life. I don`t even mean sex itself, but the feeling of being wanted, or like a sense of possibility of being flirted with or like having a fany form of casual "naughty" experience. Life is so incredibly dull and without any sense of that type of excitement. I really don`t know what to do.

Don`t get me wrong, my life is going quite well actually, I really feel I can make a career out of my current study and profession, also I feel much more stabile then ever. But on that intimacy/sexual excitement area its hopeless.

It obviously doesn`t help I got an avoidant personality disorder and borderline, but I do follow therapy a lot, but that can only get you so far. It can`t give me enough confidence to really make a change.

Does anyone recognize this? How do you handle it? Any tips?
I really feel that without these aspects added to my life, I only exist to sit out my time. No fun time. I`m severely embarrased to admit my life is like this, but I guess my desires of having some kind of arrousal in my life beats it.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

I'm not a virgin but it has been a while for me. I feel pretty hopeless in this respect. Living with my parents makes it only worse. The lack of physical and emotional intimacy I think it's very unhealthy.

 

[ukmale]

Look on the bright side dude, try online dating or something there's someone out there for you dude .I also like you have zero self esteem I'm even in a worse position then you dude .I'm literally like micro penis in the lunch box department and all I get is laughed at being called names where shopping with family iv .even people you date for a while will turn cold as ice as soon as they see I'm tiny clubbing is a joke a drunk girl will slip here hands down my pants then il have her and her group of friends pester me till I leave I have had some girls try and take pics most girls will laugh and flat out denied you sex even after the odd rare girl that is willing it turns into a joke even been asked if its in yet this is words no one wants to here but hear things like enjoy being single your whole life from girls that I have chatted to for weeks online meet up and dated for a few months before we having getting hot under the collar and to have someone that you believe likes you to turn around and say things like that .its hard every day is a heart breaker everywhere I walk I see happy couples with familys you can sit and watch shows like jerry springer talk show and see one bad looking alcoholic chav that has 5 kids with 5 different women but al I get is laughed at so yeah life sucks really does I'm always gonna be single its a hard pill to take but its to painful to try and get out there and date as people that you become close to can turn cold as ice hurt you so badly and they can just laugh it off and find someone New in hours days but for me the pain never goes away

 

[Naesala]

Well, I can get myself in a position to go date online. I signed up once but when i got a reply, I just felt like I would be giving the nice girl who bothered to reply a really bad deal. WHy on earth would she put up with me?

And I`m not talking just about sex, its a whole intimacy thing. I just lack people in my life who I`m close with. I can accept being a virgin, even though I`m ashamed of it, I can understand why it has developed like this. But due to such a long life without any kind of intimacy, I just can`t get to a point where I could welcome people in my heart anymore, even though I deeply desire it.

On your experience, I can only say I really feel for you. Not because of the size of your penis or anything like that, but just because you have so much experience with seeing the ugly side of people. They are so cruel and the need to share an experience that was different then they expected, to laugh at it.... It really does say more about them, then it says about you. I realize that is little comfort if you see what I see as well, people enjoying love who are in my respects not deserving it more then you are. Its frustrating that what you see (people saying they want like an honest, trustworthy partner where substance comes first), is the complete opposite of everything you see around you (dating partners with only good looks and a big mouth, whom are anything but trustworthy).

Thing is though, I have been wandering through life alone for all my life now and I`m sick of it. I got the desire to change it, but I have no clue how to get the tools to do it. I learned a lot in different types of therapy when it comes down to getting in touch with your body again (I`m very cognitive), but in the end I can`t leap over that treshold. Its so hard to get away from your past experiences to be able to welcome in new ones. Especially in that area of your life you have been hurt the most.

 

[Dennis1980]

I don't think I'm ugly, but I know I am not good looking.
I think I am so unwantable that I rarely even dream about having sex because I don't think it's realistic.