I'd say I'm about at that stage. My development, briefly, has went something like this:
All throughout school I was mute, never said nothing, self-conscious and scared in the corner alone. Virtually no friends. I never knew what was wrong with me. Dropped out of high school because of it. Later, after I turned 18/19, I started applying for jobs, but my problem of nervousness and self-consciousness was as bad as ever. I literally couldn't stand being interviewed -- I would have panic attacks and just wanted to give up so bad.
Going through the hell of this social anxiety and self-consciousness, I decided to see what I could find online about my problem. I came across a few forums and info about social anxiety/phobia, and I knew pretty quickly this was exactly what I was facing on a very severe level. Just discovering that I was going through something that a lot of other people were going through also lifted a huge load off me mentally. I thought I was just an exceptional case of weird/quiet/scared guy. My childhood had a LOT to do with many of my problems. A lot problems I can remember, and I am betting most of it I can't.
So once I discovered my problem, I started a relentless journey on finding ways to combat it. And man has it been a long, hard journey. I have been through torture by basically trying to shock my body and mind into a realm of jobs and socializing. I tried lots of self-help books, hypnosis tapes, positive meditation techniques, prayer, a few different meds, and other misc. stuff. And most of it helped out a lot -- I gained perspective and new ways of thinking from almost all of it.
So I finally did get a job, and the first few months were hell, but somehow I stuck with it, and stayed there for a few years. And through all this, I have tried to remain as optimistic as possible, truly believing that there was a way out of this mess. I had to truly accept my condition as it was, and forgive myself for each "weird" or hard situation I found myself in. I just accepted that this was where I was out NOW, but that it was not ALWAYS going to be the case.
So, I have continued to put pieces together of the mental puzzle, and have started to slowly bring myself to a place where I can be comfortable in public, social situations, phone calls, etc. It's still hard, but much, much better.
My biggest problem seemed to be self-esteem. I simply didn't think that I was worth as much as other people. And when you truly believe you are inferior and that your thoughts are inferior, the fear of people and their opinions of you is amplified to huge level. When you don't have self-value, you are in desperate want of others' approval. You don't think you can do things as good as others, and so what I did was shut down everything in me in order to avoid letting others see who I really was. All that did was give people a very confused picture of me.
Anyway, once I started to actually feel the effects of my disciplined thought patterns of self-worth, love and value, It started to become easier relaxing around others. I began to know that I was good and worthy regardless of what others thought, that I didn't need their approval, and they would look at me as worthy and with respect as long as I looked at myself like that.
If you think you're a nerd, or a loser, or pathetic -- then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. You truly ARE what you think about yourself. You are basically creating a portrait in your head of what you think you are, and then you are acting it out. And the hard part for me was re-creating this portrait in my head of what I thought I was. It looks a lot different now, thank God.
Anyway, so today I am basically at a place where I can be around others without much anxiety, but there are a few places which still provoke more than others. I do still have a tough time connecting with people on more than a totally artificial level, but at LEAST I'm talking!
Another thing I've realized is that socializing is less about words, and more about the energy/vibe/body language (whatever you want to call it) that you give off. Words are very, very low in terms of what socializing is all about.
I still need a lot of work, but the I am firmly on the road to recovery to be in the place I want to be.
