charlieHungerford
Well-known member
I have made a lot of progress on SA in the last couple of years but after a good think today I realise I have made very little progress when it comes to confidence around women. When I say women I really mean women my sort of age who I would consider as the sort of age range that I would be interested in meeting as a girl friend.
My main question is for those who also have such a lack of confidence around the opposite sex, I want to know your beliefs on yourself in terms of how desirable you think you are and of how the opposite sex see you in your opinion.
Whereas those who actually have confidence around the opposite sex again I would be so grateful to know your beliefs on yourself in terms of what you think of yourself and how you believe the opposite sex see you.
Basically something has got to change for me. I realise I feel no woman could ever be interested in me, women are only interested in good looking guys, women are critical of guys who don't look good enough, I don't believe I am good enough looking or confident enough for any woman to ever be interested in me, I judge myself as being inferior and inadequate to almost all women because I don't critically judge women for how they look - whereas I believe women critically judge me and I kind of had it brainwashed into me that I am not good enough for women. Around women I am scared, I feel so inadequate, so irrelevant, I feel ugly, I don't actually see myself as a human being that people would ever look at in terms of being desirable. i.e. a story such as this a couple of years ago - I was really friendly and chatty to this girl I worked with, we got on really well and I liked her lots as she was such a nice person, she was fun, friendly, kind, she was pretty too - but it was her as a person I liked. One day when working by a window when some guy walked past who she had never seen before and she said 'Who was that? He was gorgeous! I have got to find out who he is, do you know him?' I said 'No'. She then was looking out of the window saying I really liked him, I need to meet him. The whole point of all this is, is that I was really friendly and got on great with her for over a year but she was not interested in me at all even though we got on really well personality wise, whereas some guy she never even spoke to was being talked about as if he was god and she would probably marry him on the spot. Kind of shows the importance of looks v personality for some people. And the other point was that she was talking about a guy as if I was a woman or not a man. It was so horrible. I just remember leaving thinking I could never be looked at by that girl in terms of being good enough for her unless I looked like that man. I felt so crap about myself, angry with myself for not being really handsome.
I just feel like a nobody in women's eyes. My beliefs of myself and of how women see me could probably not be any lower than what they are. Its time I sorted things out, because even if I am a nobody in women's eyes, I need a way to accept it and allow myself to be myself and not a give a toss what women think of me because its just ridiculous living life scared of women just because I am certain they will think of me as a nobody. And just a final point - I am not that bad looking - I am tall and in good shape, stylish, cool hair, nice eyes, clean, smart, good personality, intelligent, although there are parts of me I feel may be not as good, but we all have flaws, no one is perfect. But I really have had almost purely negative experiences in the past when it comes to women - women being horrible about me, the butt of some jokes, ridiculed, called names, etc. Even these days if women look at me like eye contact more than once, some people may think that is a good sign, I just believe that is because they think I am horrible. From reading that do you see things wrong in the way I think? Do you think I think about this in a very negative and damaging way?
Can anyone relate to me? I am so determined to overcome this and beat it, I am not writing this post for sympathy, I write this post because I want to get everything off my chest, hear what others have to say (if anyone feels like writing) and start analysing my beliefs and see what I can find. These beliefs I have on myself and women are not fair and accurate, they are basically exaggerated, biased, negative beliefs - the most negative way of thinking. They have to change in order for my confidence and self value to change and for my beliefs on how women are seeing me as well to change.
Must end there. Let me know what you think if you have any thoughts - I would be extremely grateful!
My main question is for those who also have such a lack of confidence around the opposite sex, I want to know your beliefs on yourself in terms of how desirable you think you are and of how the opposite sex see you in your opinion.
Whereas those who actually have confidence around the opposite sex again I would be so grateful to know your beliefs on yourself in terms of what you think of yourself and how you believe the opposite sex see you.
Basically something has got to change for me. I realise I feel no woman could ever be interested in me, women are only interested in good looking guys, women are critical of guys who don't look good enough, I don't believe I am good enough looking or confident enough for any woman to ever be interested in me, I judge myself as being inferior and inadequate to almost all women because I don't critically judge women for how they look - whereas I believe women critically judge me and I kind of had it brainwashed into me that I am not good enough for women. Around women I am scared, I feel so inadequate, so irrelevant, I feel ugly, I don't actually see myself as a human being that people would ever look at in terms of being desirable. i.e. a story such as this a couple of years ago - I was really friendly and chatty to this girl I worked with, we got on really well and I liked her lots as she was such a nice person, she was fun, friendly, kind, she was pretty too - but it was her as a person I liked. One day when working by a window when some guy walked past who she had never seen before and she said 'Who was that? He was gorgeous! I have got to find out who he is, do you know him?' I said 'No'. She then was looking out of the window saying I really liked him, I need to meet him. The whole point of all this is, is that I was really friendly and got on great with her for over a year but she was not interested in me at all even though we got on really well personality wise, whereas some guy she never even spoke to was being talked about as if he was god and she would probably marry him on the spot. Kind of shows the importance of looks v personality for some people. And the other point was that she was talking about a guy as if I was a woman or not a man. It was so horrible. I just remember leaving thinking I could never be looked at by that girl in terms of being good enough for her unless I looked like that man. I felt so crap about myself, angry with myself for not being really handsome.
I just feel like a nobody in women's eyes. My beliefs of myself and of how women see me could probably not be any lower than what they are. Its time I sorted things out, because even if I am a nobody in women's eyes, I need a way to accept it and allow myself to be myself and not a give a toss what women think of me because its just ridiculous living life scared of women just because I am certain they will think of me as a nobody. And just a final point - I am not that bad looking - I am tall and in good shape, stylish, cool hair, nice eyes, clean, smart, good personality, intelligent, although there are parts of me I feel may be not as good, but we all have flaws, no one is perfect. But I really have had almost purely negative experiences in the past when it comes to women - women being horrible about me, the butt of some jokes, ridiculed, called names, etc. Even these days if women look at me like eye contact more than once, some people may think that is a good sign, I just believe that is because they think I am horrible. From reading that do you see things wrong in the way I think? Do you think I think about this in a very negative and damaging way?
Can anyone relate to me? I am so determined to overcome this and beat it, I am not writing this post for sympathy, I write this post because I want to get everything off my chest, hear what others have to say (if anyone feels like writing) and start analysing my beliefs and see what I can find. These beliefs I have on myself and women are not fair and accurate, they are basically exaggerated, biased, negative beliefs - the most negative way of thinking. They have to change in order for my confidence and self value to change and for my beliefs on how women are seeing me as well to change.
Must end there. Let me know what you think if you have any thoughts - I would be extremely grateful!