newbie advice

[Richard-Edinburgh]

Hey everyone,
Just introducing myself to you all, I never knew a community like this existed, I guess I had never really looked because I never discussed my problem with anyone and thought I had it under control. I am a married man of 32 with 2 young sons who lives in Edinburgh, Scotland
I have always knew I had this problem, always hated meeting new people, refused to take part in school play's and lost grades in English because part of the Grade included standing up and speaking in front of the class
There is evidence it runs in the family too, but its got WAY worse in the last 5/6 years, I avoid if humanly possible any sort of event which involves meeting people, I am even scared of the school playground. but I have immediate problems i have to deal with, and would be interested in hearing your thoughts if any of you have been thru anything similar

I have my best friends wedding this year, he was best man at my wedding and we have been friends for 24yrs, he expects me to be his best man but I cannot sleep for thinking/worrying about it. He has many other friends and is in many ways the opposite of me. I have to organise the Stage night amongst other things and I barely know 90% of them. Then the bit that scares me to death is the actual day, 200 people at the wedding all staring at the front of the room and 400 at night where I have to DANCE and MAKE A SPEECH. I feel like my worlds ending and sadly I would rather not go and I hate myself for just typing that

what the hell do i do?

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

Ah, weddings and other formal events are always nightmarish for me. I normally try to stay away from benzos, but for something like that a Xanax may actually be your best bet, since it's a temporary, one-time thing you can't just avoid.

And welcome, btw.

ETA Benzos are basically evil is the reason to stay away. Insidious and highly addictive. Dangerous and too readily prescribed by too many doctors.

 

[Richard-Edinburgh]

thanks for the reply, my first instinct has always been to hide away, never to confront and get over the problem.
I can say that most folk I know, know I am not the most sociable of people but I have never spoken to anyone about it. I have never visited my GP to ask about Xanax before, I am scared i will be laughed out the Surgery for asking about social phobia. I guess I have no choice but to seek help tho::

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

If your doctor laughs at your for asking about a disorder, you need a new doctor.

Xanax would be a chemical and temporary fix and not without side effects (presumably your doc can provide you with the details), but I assume the wedding is coming up soon, yes?

 

[Richard-Edinburgh]

the wedding is in the next few months but there is a lot happening now, there are another 3 weddings this year too, all on my wife's side of the family and it has went through my mind it would be easier to split up than worry about these things. I won't but the fact these things enter my head means I have a problem....right?

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

I would say yes.

Making serious progress with this sort of thing isn't likely to be quick, but acknowledging that you have a problem is certainly a good first step.

 

[kihira]

Talk to your doctor about it, they may prescribe a beta blocker for the occasion. Social phobia is common and taken seriously by docs, so don't worry about being sniggled at. I was once asked to be the best man for a friend and immediately experienced such dread that I could only give a half-hearted 'yes'. The couple never married, I was actually relieved when they split up. When he married someone else, he asked another friend to be the BM (phew!). Its a shame that we have to tolerate silly traditions such as wedding speeches, maybe take it on as a challenge, if you're into challenges - you can have it all written down and most people, including you, will probably be on the tiddly side

 

[Richard-Edinburgh]

Does your friend know you have serious problems in meeting new people and socializing? I understand he was your best man, but with your issues, maybe he'd understand if you weren't his best man, especially if he has other friends he can turn to for the role.

I have never actually sat down and said I have a problem and its called Social Phobia. But he is bound to know as I take up about 10% of invitations nowadays, when it is just him we are still the very best of mates however he is bound to have other friends who are more deserving then me. I feel as though I am getting the gig cos I have known him longest. he deserves a lot better than me.
The other problem I have is that I have a problem with confrontation of any kind, the thought of starting a conversation with "can I talk to you about something" makes me want to cry. I wish the ground would just swallow me up

 

[coyote]

Hi, and welcome to the forum!

 

[Richard-Edinburgh]

Hi, and welcome to the forum!

Hi Coyote, thanks