yumyumyum
New member
Hiya I'm new here, just wanted to give my story see what you think any advice would be much appreciated! 
I have suffered from SA since I was about 15 and can remember the exact moment when I changed from being just a shy girl ( I had great friends and loved drama and music) to realising something had changed, and I could no longer walk through crowds at school, or perform in front of people or walk down busy roads etc etc , I am now 20 and have always known the problem and knew that I had to force myself to do the things that terrified me. For example I kept on with drama at school, I went to a new sixth form college, I went travelling alone and got a full time job which have helped amazingly with my independence and self confidence, and I would recommend to everyone that the smallest of steps can make you feel so proud of yourself and in turn help to rebuild your self esteem. I can talk to most people freely and easily, and enjoy most social situations. However I have just started university and am realising there are situations which I simply can't go on avoiding my whole life eg. Public Speaking , answering questions in seminars and being able to think off the top of my head and give an immediate honest opinion. I have realised I also have a fear of authority - be it teachers, bosses or older people criticising me or 'telling me off'. These aspects of uni have made my SA come back big time. I want to be sick before certain seminars at the thought I will be asked something I don't know and will look stupid. I tried to do a presentation the other day, shaking all over the shop, wooden performance, I knew what i was meant to say, but i was so concerned about the delivery, it was like the words just forced themselves out of my mouth in no semblance of order! I cant walk past certain areas of uni where I know there will be crowds of people! But also I find that out and about in this new city, i feel so less anxious then when i go to my home city, does anyone else get this? I can't imagine not always being so self aware in life, constantly conscious of peoples eyes and judgement. But I want to get rid of these last hang ups. It's not severe SA, - I don't have severe physical symptoms, I have friends, I can easily make new ones but I could never go out without make up on or if i felt scruffy- I know -self image issues - and i wouldnt go out at night without alcohol being part of the equation. I suppose I have found ways of dealing with SA but not got rid of the problem. I want to go to a doc, but where the hell do I start ? I know I would just start sobbing in the docs office from embarrasment alone! Another thing, I am lucky enough to have a best friend who ive been friENds with from before the SA and we have the best friendship, but I cant imagine getting close to anyone else in the same way for fear they will discover my true self and realise they don't like me- i am afraid of new close relationships, and mentally crtitique all my new friends, knowing the relationships will not last because I will not put in the effort to keep them close, afraid of rejection. :? :roll: 8O
Any ideas ??
I have suffered from SA since I was about 15 and can remember the exact moment when I changed from being just a shy girl ( I had great friends and loved drama and music) to realising something had changed, and I could no longer walk through crowds at school, or perform in front of people or walk down busy roads etc etc , I am now 20 and have always known the problem and knew that I had to force myself to do the things that terrified me. For example I kept on with drama at school, I went to a new sixth form college, I went travelling alone and got a full time job which have helped amazingly with my independence and self confidence, and I would recommend to everyone that the smallest of steps can make you feel so proud of yourself and in turn help to rebuild your self esteem. I can talk to most people freely and easily, and enjoy most social situations. However I have just started university and am realising there are situations which I simply can't go on avoiding my whole life eg. Public Speaking , answering questions in seminars and being able to think off the top of my head and give an immediate honest opinion. I have realised I also have a fear of authority - be it teachers, bosses or older people criticising me or 'telling me off'. These aspects of uni have made my SA come back big time. I want to be sick before certain seminars at the thought I will be asked something I don't know and will look stupid. I tried to do a presentation the other day, shaking all over the shop, wooden performance, I knew what i was meant to say, but i was so concerned about the delivery, it was like the words just forced themselves out of my mouth in no semblance of order! I cant walk past certain areas of uni where I know there will be crowds of people! But also I find that out and about in this new city, i feel so less anxious then when i go to my home city, does anyone else get this? I can't imagine not always being so self aware in life, constantly conscious of peoples eyes and judgement. But I want to get rid of these last hang ups. It's not severe SA, - I don't have severe physical symptoms, I have friends, I can easily make new ones but I could never go out without make up on or if i felt scruffy- I know -self image issues - and i wouldnt go out at night without alcohol being part of the equation. I suppose I have found ways of dealing with SA but not got rid of the problem. I want to go to a doc, but where the hell do I start ? I know I would just start sobbing in the docs office from embarrasment alone! Another thing, I am lucky enough to have a best friend who ive been friENds with from before the SA and we have the best friendship, but I cant imagine getting close to anyone else in the same way for fear they will discover my true self and realise they don't like me- i am afraid of new close relationships, and mentally crtitique all my new friends, knowing the relationships will not last because I will not put in the effort to keep them close, afraid of rejection. :? :roll: 8O Any ideas ??
