jay3503
New member
First of all let me just say I stumbled across this site a few days ago and its really good to know that i'm not alone. My name is Jay I'm 30, live with my parents, dont really have a proper job I run a small business from home but its not enough to support myself, and to top it all off I don't drive, I have a license but haven't driven in so long due to the fear of it its like I've forgotten how. I have been this way basically since high school I was an overweight kid and had these really red cheeks and if the other kids weren't making fun of my weight they were making fun of that. It got to the point where I felt they were all against me even if they weren't and I basically stopped going, I would go to school maybe 2 or 3 times a week its a damn wonder a graduated in 4 years.
After high school I tried a little, I lost some weight, started driving, and even had a few jobs but none that ever lasted over a few months. Being at home alone to me was just so much more comfortable than actually having to interact with people so after I quit my last job at 20 staying at home is exactly what I did. I'd say I left my house maybe a dozen times from the ages of 20-25 and of course I wasn't happy but I wasn't miserable or suicidal my parents seemed to not care being alone is what I wanted and being alone is what they left me I guess they felt it could be worse and I could be a drug addict or a criminal or something. At 25 something horrible happened and my mother was diagnosed with non-hodgkins lymphoma. I felt terrible here she was fighting for her life and I hadn't done a goddamn thing with mine so I made a vow I was going to get a job and I did I was able to become a Corrections Officer my mother, father, grandparents, sister, nephew were all proud and I held that job for wait for it... exactly three weeks. I cited the stress and the nature of the job as the reason I quit but in reality it was that I liked being at home in my cozy little world more. My mother beat the cancer and has been in complete remission since so I crawled right back into my comfort zone and stayed in the house.
At 28 I decide that the cause of all my problems is from being fat so I start dieting and working out and from about a 14 month period thats basically all I did and I lost over 100lbs going from close to 300lbs to 185lbs. I feel better, I look like a different person but all the anxiety and fear is still there. I thought If I looked in the mirror and saw a different person it would help but it didn't. I have started going out a little more over the last several months but still don't drive so i go out either with my sister (by the way my sister couldn't be a more social person) and nephew or even worse my parents.
So we advance to right now i'm 30 and the main reason why i'm writing this post. About a month ago my sister gets the bright idea to put a pic of me and her on her facebook page, a friend of hers that she works with sees me and apparently thinks i'm cute, she wants to know if I have a facebook page so we can chat yeah right me with a facebook page like I wanna know what people from my high school are up to or even worse them wanting to know what i'm up to. Anyway a few weeks go by i'm out with my sister and she decides she needs to go into work I smell the fixup coming but at this point theres no way to get out of it. So we meet briefly and later that night she calls my sis and wants her to give me her number she does but theres no way i'm gonna be capable of calling this girl and asking for a date so I e-mail her instead we IM back and forth and she asks me out. We're going out Friday and I'm a little scared and nervous but kind of in a good way. Is this what I need to break this for good? Knowing that someone could be interested in me. Should I let her know I have these problems? She told me my sister told her that I was "shy" but thats a long way from saying "he has full blown S.A.D". I think she also knows I don't drive but i'm not sure and kind of afraid that telling her will scare her off. Sorry for the long post but don't really know where else I can share this kind of stuff unless its to an overpriced therapist who probably can't help me.
After high school I tried a little, I lost some weight, started driving, and even had a few jobs but none that ever lasted over a few months. Being at home alone to me was just so much more comfortable than actually having to interact with people so after I quit my last job at 20 staying at home is exactly what I did. I'd say I left my house maybe a dozen times from the ages of 20-25 and of course I wasn't happy but I wasn't miserable or suicidal my parents seemed to not care being alone is what I wanted and being alone is what they left me I guess they felt it could be worse and I could be a drug addict or a criminal or something. At 25 something horrible happened and my mother was diagnosed with non-hodgkins lymphoma. I felt terrible here she was fighting for her life and I hadn't done a goddamn thing with mine so I made a vow I was going to get a job and I did I was able to become a Corrections Officer my mother, father, grandparents, sister, nephew were all proud and I held that job for wait for it... exactly three weeks. I cited the stress and the nature of the job as the reason I quit but in reality it was that I liked being at home in my cozy little world more. My mother beat the cancer and has been in complete remission since so I crawled right back into my comfort zone and stayed in the house.
At 28 I decide that the cause of all my problems is from being fat so I start dieting and working out and from about a 14 month period thats basically all I did and I lost over 100lbs going from close to 300lbs to 185lbs. I feel better, I look like a different person but all the anxiety and fear is still there. I thought If I looked in the mirror and saw a different person it would help but it didn't. I have started going out a little more over the last several months but still don't drive so i go out either with my sister (by the way my sister couldn't be a more social person) and nephew or even worse my parents.
So we advance to right now i'm 30 and the main reason why i'm writing this post. About a month ago my sister gets the bright idea to put a pic of me and her on her facebook page, a friend of hers that she works with sees me and apparently thinks i'm cute, she wants to know if I have a facebook page so we can chat yeah right me with a facebook page like I wanna know what people from my high school are up to or even worse them wanting to know what i'm up to. Anyway a few weeks go by i'm out with my sister and she decides she needs to go into work I smell the fixup coming but at this point theres no way to get out of it. So we meet briefly and later that night she calls my sis and wants her to give me her number she does but theres no way i'm gonna be capable of calling this girl and asking for a date so I e-mail her instead we IM back and forth and she asks me out. We're going out Friday and I'm a little scared and nervous but kind of in a good way. Is this what I need to break this for good? Knowing that someone could be interested in me. Should I let her know I have these problems? She told me my sister told her that I was "shy" but thats a long way from saying "he has full blown S.A.D". I think she also knows I don't drive but i'm not sure and kind of afraid that telling her will scare her off. Sorry for the long post but don't really know where else I can share this kind of stuff unless its to an overpriced therapist who probably can't help me.
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