New Member - Hi

[Willburn]

Hi all,

I've been suffering with SA for as long as I can remember but over the past year or so it's been getting progressively worse and it's got to the stage now where it's absolutely ruining my life. It's difficult to say how severe it is as I've never known anyone with SA but I've become reclusive and will pretty much go to any lengths to avoid all social interaction with others. As my SA has got worse so have my OCD traits and over the past few months I've been feeling the lowest I ever have done. I not able to think properly, talk properly or interact (or want to interact) with others and I'm now at a stage where I don't look forward to, or gain any please from anything.

I am hyper-critical of absolutely everything I do and I feel the need to avoid communicating/getting involved with others in fear of them judging me. When I do pluck up some courage to talk, I feel boring and uninteresting and although I try to act 'normally' (as everyone else does), I seem to get blank expressions and end up wishing I'd never said anything. I'll analyse conversations over and over in my head for days, sometimes weeks (particularly if I was criticised). Although I used to chat to people at work, they now seem to exclude me from conversations and make no attempt whatsoever to communicate with me unless they want something. I can't stop thinking about this and it's making me feel terrible.

I've read a few posts on the forum and I'm it's good to know that I'm not the only to feel like this - although I have a good job, long-term girlfriend and one very close friend that I confide in, I still feel so lonely because they'll never truly understand what it's like.

Can anyone suggest how I can go about getting help? I've never seen a doctor - I feel like I won't be taken seriously and, of course, my SA is getting in the way

Thanks for reading...

 

[Fairy001]

I would suggest you do try and see a doctor, is there a friend or parent that could go with you for moral support? I am quite sure your situation would be taken alot more seriously than you imagine.

I wish you all the best in seeking help.


Peace xxx

 

[Carol]

I used to have that same problem when I was working. I was so shy, people just didn't understand me. I knew that sometimes they were talking about me, which made me feel worse and also caused me to feel even more shy. It's much harder to try to be outgoing and talk to people when you know they already have a negative opinion of you!

My advice is to remember that you are NOT the only person who feels self-conscious and shy. Your co-workers may feel the same way. Although some people appear to be confident and outgoing, most people are still sensitive to what others think of them. Because you are shy, your co-workers may assume that you don't like them. Most people decide how well they like another person based on how they feel about THEMSELVES when they are around that person. In other words, if I feel good about myself when I talk with you, I'll probably like you. So my advice is, that when you are able, do little things to show your co-workers that you like them. A simple but sincere compliment can make a person's day, and if you were the one to make their day, they will probably feel good about you also. There is a lot of wisdom in the Bible saying: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." If you make others feel appreciated and special, there's a good chance that they will like you in return.

One more thing - Yesterday I had a horrible experience when I was at a birthday party, because I felt that another mom was snubbing me. I had tried to make conversation with her but she just didn't seem interested in talking, and I thought she didn't like me. After the party I told the hostess (who is a good friend of mine) how I felt, and she told me that she thinks the "snobby" mom actually has a lot of the same SA issues that I have! This "snobby" mom evidently usually keeps to herself and feels awkward and shy in social situations. What I perceived as snobbishness, was really another person dealing with SA just like I was! So, sometimes you may think that other people don't like you, but really they are feeling just as awkward as you are.

And I do agree that if your problem is ongoing and you can't seem to overcome it on your own, it's best to get some help.

 

[Willburn]

Thanks for your replies guys. Fairy - I've spoken to my sister about visting my GP and she's agreed to go along with me; I don't think I could go alone!

Carol - you're right - I think my shyness/anxiety around others comes across as being snobby and rude. The fact is, I want to talk to others but most of the time it's forced and awkward because of the SA. I'm sure I come across badly (and weird, because I'm usually preoccupied with thinking about how I look) when talking to others. I like making other people happy where I can and try to compliment others but this seems to be received negatively to some people at work so I tend to avoid it.

Will.

 

[Carol]

Carol - you're right - I think my shyness/anxiety around others comes across as being snobby and rude. The fact is, I want to talk to others but most of the time it's forced and awkward because of the SA. I'm sure I come across badly (and weird, because I'm usually preoccupied with thinking about how I look) when talking to others. I like making other people happy where I can and try to compliment others but this seems to be received negatively to some people at work so I tend to avoid it.

I'm sorry to hear that your compliments are not well received! That must be frustrating. Well, I'm glad to hear that you're getting help and that you won't have to go alone. I wish you the best!

 

[Janx]

Good luck at the doctors Willburn, let us know how you got on. But you may have to prepare yourself for a long wait if you get referred like me. I went to the doctors nearly 3 months ago now and was referred for therapy and I still haven't been given an appointment yet! NHS is so crap. I guess it depends where you live.
Anyway, good luck, the first step is the hardest and you've just made it.

 

[cobalt_bluester]

Hi Willburn. It sounds like you are explaining me! I share many of the same problems as you. Even though we've never met, please don't think you're alone as you have my utmost sympathy for this dreadful illness. My advice to you?... I would first of all go and chat to your doctor to look into better meds - that's if you're not taking some already. Also, you could try a course of CBT which has helped so many people. You could also look into trying out some relaxation techniques, yoga or similar. Many people have found that jogging is a great stress relief and confidence booster, so maybe you could incorporate this too.

Hope this helps. If you'd like to chat anytime please send me a PM.
Regards, Richard