Chow-man
Member
I want to start writing this, but don't know where to start. Pfft.
I'm a guy, 28, and I've suffered from severe blushing since my early teens. from about the age of 14 - 18 I almost NEVER left the house, except in the middle of the night to post letters to penpals. So like many of you, I feel (even where I am at in life now) like I've missed out on my teenage years. Those teenage kicks you get from having girlfriends, going out to clubs, socialising, you know, the stuff other 'normal' people do.
My blushing has effected my entire life in almost every way you can imagine. I avoid shopping, standing in long lines at the till, packing my bags, paying - ha, I always pay with notes where possible, just becasue it gets me out the shop quicker.
Probably the wierdest aspect of the blushing I find, maybe more of an SA because of the blushing, is I can't keep friendships/jobs.
Whereas most people seem to find comfort by being 'settled' in a job for example, for me it's worked the opposite way. I'll take a job on, and have perhaps a little problem meeting the new people, maybe I'll blush, but it's 'normal' because I'm new. It's when I get settled in the job, THAT'S when I get worse because the problems with blushing don't go away but get worse. when I'm new, I'm not really thinking about it...too many things to learn, people to meet etc, etc....So I'm not thinking about it. But then, when it all settles down, all that's left is my 'problem'. And then it won't go away and it can make the wrong kind of job unbearable.
For me I dealt with my blushing head on around 18 years old. I got penpals from all over the world. I didn't get them to cope with the blushing, just as a means of friendship, I never told them about my problem. until I got a penpal, who it turned out, lived not only very close to me, but was also a very attractive girl who I got on with extremely well. We exchanged phone numbers after two months of writing, and one night (evil Dead 2 on the telly , I remember the night well
), I very nervously phones her. We got on great! Phoning lasted perhaps everynight for two months...we had to meet!
Oh SHIT - she wants to meet me. Shit, I want to meeet her too! But how?
Well, i kept telling her I had a 'problem'. And eventualy caved in and told her over the phone what it was. Of course, she didn't think it was a big deal, but was very understanding. I agreed a date to meet her. I HAD to keep to that date! No excuses, I had to meet her, change my life...do something to help myself FFS!
During this period, I also decided I'd take up bodybuilding. At a gym!!! Holy f*ck! With my serious blushing problem, and I was gonna join a gym?
Well, I thought I was clever! i told my doctor of my plans to join a gym. Kind of odd she wasn't 'for' it, but was worried it might be to much to soon for me and my blushing and my severe low self esteem. I had no friends excpet penpals, lived with my single mom, and have no other family - sure I could join a gym with lots of 'normal' people.
my clever idea was that if I trian really hard in the gym and go red - nobody would notice! Ha, I'd just look exhuasted all the time!
IT WORKED - I did bodybuilding for, maybe 3 years! I was all skin and bones when I started. Got up to 100kg at my peak - I loved it.
back to the penpal though. After a bit of using the sunbed, pumping iron, I guess I was ready to meet this girl.
Briefly:
We met, I lost my virginity (yay!), we fell in love, almost got engadged, I got my first job in a factory....
...2 years later it all ended in tears, I loose her, loose my job, want to end my life.
Why? My blushing problem, of course.
Although we were a fantastic couple,we never did anything, because of me. We just stayed in, watched movies, ate take-aways etc. Both being young, she wanted to go clubbing, pubbing, partying. And I was restricting her. I didn't talk about my problem because I never wanted it to be a 'constant' topic. Like a problem in our relationship, which of course it was deep down.
Never saw her after the day she broke it off. No contact, nothing.
Fast foward -
I'm now happily married for the past 6 (yes, 6!!!!) years. My blushing is still a MAJOR problem for me, but I WILL NOT let it ruin my life. I guess if I'm honest, it still is. But i've done things I would never have dreamed of and I will do so much more. f*ck yeah I will because this aint gonna stop me.
Jobs. why oh why are theyt still so hard. I have been in and out of employment for years. My 'dream' job I managed to get, but blushig got in the way, I made may excuses as usual, and left. My dream job is where I can use my artistic tallent. There is possibilty to do it again. But experience from the past job scares me now. Like I mentioned above about not being able to 'stick' with things long term.
Now I don't even know why I'm writing all this. On the one hand it's to say; I've had this problem big time, still have it. I've had the poking fun of, the hiding myself away for years (still do it), the avoiding almost any avoidable situation where I have to interact (usualy where more than one other person is involved), I have severe lack of confidence in everything I do, and of how I look (don't lift weights anymore and got a little 'porky').
But, I refuse to be beaten back by this. I will do things that I 'can't do', I will meet new people, I will experience life, I will take that difficult job. At least I can say I've tried, at least that much.
I got married for f*ck sake!! I couldn't believe I did that, and it was in another country! I've even run my own business in another country, guess what it was? a bloody great chillout bar that's what!!! Me? A low self esteemed, blushing baffoon, and I've done things I could never have dreamed of. I was NOT lucky. I'm NOT rich. My wife and me made these things happen because we could through determination, hard, hard work, and stuborness.
I just read what I type above there and I hope it doesn't look like 'blowing my own trumpet' it's not that at all. Besides, I don't have the business anymore, though I'd still love too. But plan to do it again in the future.....and THAT HAS REMINDED ME (sorry for the caps but I want to make a point with this):
FOCUS ON SOMETHING ELSE!!!!!!!
- it is so, so VERY hard if you are having a blushing episode/attack, believe me I know. But at every other possible moment - just DON'T THINK ABOUT BLUSHING. Do things. DO THINGS. It's what I've done. I've had dreams and ideas and desires, and I've thought them through. Every step of the way. Ha! it never works out as I plan it, but at least I have my plan to think about. And then I take that dream/idea whatever - and I make it happen. SMALL STEPS AT A TIME. Little achievments make you feel good, all the while focusing on the goal in hand.
I just can't stress how that has helped me enough.
I'm having a 'bad' period myself now. I'm stuck at home, in a place I don't want to be. Only my wife works now. Because I'm at home, I'm not going out. I notice this is having a negative effect on me. Confidence dropping, blushing getting more on my mind again - I guess that's what brought me to this forum today.
but I also have another plan to make things better again. It migh tnot work out. But I'll keep with it, stick to it. Take each day as it comes and I'm not gonna get beaten.
Guess this is a really long post so I should stop. I'll say "Hi" as I'm new. Hope I haven't bored any of you. it is good to be able to talk about this somewhere.
Again though. I know there are many people here really suffering from blushing. I don't want my post to look like a 'look at me and what I did' It's not roses and it never will be. I just wanted to share that I suffer like you too. I have severe blushing. It ruined my teenage years. BUT I have fought back and I really believe if I can, anyone can. Look at your situation, and think of the small steps you could do, the easy steps you can take to make things better. The harder and more rewarding steps will follow through, and then it's your call if you take them or not, but knowing how good small changes feel, you'll want to at least try to have a go for the big challenges too. for me, I guess it began with penpals, and I really didn't do that expecting it to change my life, but it did.
I'm a guy, 28, and I've suffered from severe blushing since my early teens. from about the age of 14 - 18 I almost NEVER left the house, except in the middle of the night to post letters to penpals. So like many of you, I feel (even where I am at in life now) like I've missed out on my teenage years. Those teenage kicks you get from having girlfriends, going out to clubs, socialising, you know, the stuff other 'normal' people do.
My blushing has effected my entire life in almost every way you can imagine. I avoid shopping, standing in long lines at the till, packing my bags, paying - ha, I always pay with notes where possible, just becasue it gets me out the shop quicker.
Probably the wierdest aspect of the blushing I find, maybe more of an SA because of the blushing, is I can't keep friendships/jobs.
Whereas most people seem to find comfort by being 'settled' in a job for example, for me it's worked the opposite way. I'll take a job on, and have perhaps a little problem meeting the new people, maybe I'll blush, but it's 'normal' because I'm new. It's when I get settled in the job, THAT'S when I get worse because the problems with blushing don't go away but get worse. when I'm new, I'm not really thinking about it...too many things to learn, people to meet etc, etc....So I'm not thinking about it. But then, when it all settles down, all that's left is my 'problem'. And then it won't go away and it can make the wrong kind of job unbearable.
For me I dealt with my blushing head on around 18 years old. I got penpals from all over the world. I didn't get them to cope with the blushing, just as a means of friendship, I never told them about my problem. until I got a penpal, who it turned out, lived not only very close to me, but was also a very attractive girl who I got on with extremely well. We exchanged phone numbers after two months of writing, and one night (evil Dead 2 on the telly , I remember the night well
), I very nervously phones her. We got on great! Phoning lasted perhaps everynight for two months...we had to meet!Oh SHIT - she wants to meet me. Shit, I want to meeet her too! But how?
Well, i kept telling her I had a 'problem'. And eventualy caved in and told her over the phone what it was. Of course, she didn't think it was a big deal, but was very understanding. I agreed a date to meet her. I HAD to keep to that date! No excuses, I had to meet her, change my life...do something to help myself FFS!
During this period, I also decided I'd take up bodybuilding. At a gym!!! Holy f*ck! With my serious blushing problem, and I was gonna join a gym?
Well, I thought I was clever! i told my doctor of my plans to join a gym. Kind of odd she wasn't 'for' it, but was worried it might be to much to soon for me and my blushing and my severe low self esteem. I had no friends excpet penpals, lived with my single mom, and have no other family - sure I could join a gym with lots of 'normal' people.
my clever idea was that if I trian really hard in the gym and go red - nobody would notice! Ha, I'd just look exhuasted all the time!
IT WORKED - I did bodybuilding for, maybe 3 years! I was all skin and bones when I started. Got up to 100kg at my peak - I loved it.
back to the penpal though. After a bit of using the sunbed, pumping iron, I guess I was ready to meet this girl.
Briefly:
We met, I lost my virginity (yay!), we fell in love, almost got engadged, I got my first job in a factory....
...2 years later it all ended in tears, I loose her, loose my job, want to end my life.
Why? My blushing problem, of course.
Although we were a fantastic couple,we never did anything, because of me. We just stayed in, watched movies, ate take-aways etc. Both being young, she wanted to go clubbing, pubbing, partying. And I was restricting her. I didn't talk about my problem because I never wanted it to be a 'constant' topic. Like a problem in our relationship, which of course it was deep down.
Never saw her after the day she broke it off. No contact, nothing.
Fast foward -
I'm now happily married for the past 6 (yes, 6!!!!
) years. My blushing is still a MAJOR problem for me, but I WILL NOT let it ruin my life. I guess if I'm honest, it still is. But i've done things I would never have dreamed of and I will do so much more. f*ck yeah I will because this aint gonna stop me.Jobs. why oh why are theyt still so hard. I have been in and out of employment for years. My 'dream' job I managed to get, but blushig got in the way, I made may excuses as usual, and left. My dream job is where I can use my artistic tallent. There is possibilty to do it again. But experience from the past job scares me now. Like I mentioned above about not being able to 'stick' with things long term.
Now I don't even know why I'm writing all this. On the one hand it's to say; I've had this problem big time, still have it. I've had the poking fun of, the hiding myself away for years (still do it), the avoiding almost any avoidable situation where I have to interact (usualy where more than one other person is involved), I have severe lack of confidence in everything I do, and of how I look (don't lift weights anymore and got a little 'porky').
But, I refuse to be beaten back by this. I will do things that I 'can't do', I will meet new people, I will experience life, I will take that difficult job. At least I can say I've tried, at least that much.
I got married for f*ck sake!! I couldn't believe I did that, and it was in another country! I've even run my own business in another country, guess what it was? a bloody great chillout bar that's what!!! Me? A low self esteemed, blushing baffoon, and I've done things I could never have dreamed of. I was NOT lucky. I'm NOT rich. My wife and me made these things happen because we could through determination, hard, hard work, and stuborness.
I just read what I type above there and I hope it doesn't look like 'blowing my own trumpet' it's not that at all. Besides, I don't have the business anymore, though I'd still love too. But plan to do it again in the future.....and THAT HAS REMINDED ME (sorry for the caps but I want to make a point with this):
FOCUS ON SOMETHING ELSE!!!!!!!
- it is so, so VERY hard if you are having a blushing episode/attack, believe me I know. But at every other possible moment - just DON'T THINK ABOUT BLUSHING. Do things. DO THINGS. It's what I've done. I've had dreams and ideas and desires, and I've thought them through. Every step of the way. Ha! it never works out as I plan it, but at least I have my plan to think about. And then I take that dream/idea whatever - and I make it happen. SMALL STEPS AT A TIME. Little achievments make you feel good, all the while focusing on the goal in hand.
I just can't stress how that has helped me enough.
I'm having a 'bad' period myself now. I'm stuck at home, in a place I don't want to be. Only my wife works now. Because I'm at home, I'm not going out. I notice this is having a negative effect on me. Confidence dropping, blushing getting more on my mind again - I guess that's what brought me to this forum today.
but I also have another plan to make things better again. It migh tnot work out. But I'll keep with it, stick to it. Take each day as it comes and I'm not gonna get beaten.
Guess this is a really long post so I should stop. I'll say "Hi" as I'm new. Hope I haven't bored any of you. it is good to be able to talk about this somewhere.
Again though. I know there are many people here really suffering from blushing. I don't want my post to look like a 'look at me and what I did' It's not roses and it never will be. I just wanted to share that I suffer like you too. I have severe blushing. It ruined my teenage years. BUT I have fought back and I really believe if I can, anyone can. Look at your situation, and think of the small steps you could do, the easy steps you can take to make things better. The harder and more rewarding steps will follow through, and then it's your call if you take them or not, but knowing how good small changes feel, you'll want to at least try to have a go for the big challenges too. for me, I guess it began with penpals, and I really didn't do that expecting it to change my life, but it did.