mariah
New member
Hi everyone!! My name is Mariah. I'm 22 and the mother of a 10 month old baby. I'm going to try to make my story short as I can. For starters I know everyone has their sob story and I am no diferent,I have had some abuse in my past when I was a child,sexual,mental,neglect. My mother took off and left me and my dad when I was only 5 months. I always had some problems..I was rebelious,drinking,drugs,sex,stealing. I was in the hospital 3 times on atempt for suicide. When I turned 18 I moved from Halifax to toronto to become an exotic dancer,at this time I didnt think I was depressed..dancing was a great way to hide from depression and hide from the world,I got to drink all night and party and it was always dark and loud music and new people. Than I met Andy and we had a baby(Gracelyn) I was in the hospital afterwards because my anxiety was going up so high that I almost reached a phscotic episode so I was put on all these crazy meds..respiridol and remeron and if any of you know those meds well you know they pretty much kock you out and make you fat. I gained about 20 pounds being on these meds and that depressed me even more because I have always had an eating disorder and never let myself gain weight and always had to look good. I took myself off these meds and instantly fely more like myself...I was actually happy to see my anxiety come back because it's what kept me going. Now Grace is 10 months old and everythng seems to be going good except I am in a bad time where I just cant seem to motivate myself to do anything,I'm very iritable,moody,sad,mad,I'm eating like a horse,I cant sleep even thought I feel exuasted,like maybe 5 hours a night and it's broken sleep and it takes me like 2 hours to actually get to sleep. I feel like I have this constant strain in my head almost like some sort of a headake but more like a strain. I know my dad has something wrong because he is a bad alcoholic and my mom is one too and a former heavy drug user,they are both in denial thought. I don't really have anythin to be stressed about right now my life is pretty laid back and I love my boyfriend and daughter and things are going pretty good but my mind constantly feels like its going a million miles a min..not even about anything it just feels like my body is tired but myt mind is very awake. I guess I am in a bit of denial too. Because I go through periods when I feel pretty good..like I dont feel tired at all I feel very motivated..I want to get all dressed up and go party and shopping and im just excited but I dont know about what. I dont really know what is goig on with me. Does this sound serious or sound like anything you know? Sorry for the long post. Thanks!!
