New here, and would like some help

[Brexin]

Hello everyone, I am new here and decided to signup because i notice so many people share the same feelings i do. So a little bit about me. I am a war veteran. I did 3 years active duty. I was deployed in 2007 for 6 weeks before getting blown up and sent home. I would have to say that deployment did a number on my mental state. It was not a comfortable sight to have to sit there a see my best friend blown into pieces. Since my tour, i have lost 2 more of my army friends, 1 to a drug overdose, and another committed suicide. All my old friends are gone or ive lost contact with. I recently got a psychic evaluation done and was diagnosed with Dysthymia, with rare Major Depressive episodes, Social anxiety and something else (i cant read my docs handwriting very well).

I am married and have 2 kids (4 and 16 months). My mental status has caused some issues in my marriage because im so anti social and never to go anywhere. I have a really hard time connecting with people because i just feel different. I really do feel alone in this world. Sometimes i wonder why i m still here... My doctor had to fill out some paperwork for me to return back to the army and it stated that i have a good chance that my mental status is permanent. I will not take drugs because i really donot want to have to grow old and say "The only way i made it this far was because of the drugs". I say screw that... I want to live the life my way, not some pills way.

I really do not know where to go with my life. I haven't worked in almost 2 years. I haven't really needed to because my wife makes enough money. Also I just cant get enough alone time throughout the day. I like being left alone, even if im not doing anything. I dont sleep much, i feel its a waste of life to sleep. i maybe get 4-6 hours a night and i always am grump when i get up because i slept and wasted all that time.

I really just needed to tell someone... hopefully someone here will read my post and respond back. I honestly dont know what to expect from a response... but just to know someone read my post i would at least make me feel alittle more understanded. I think thats a big part of my problem is no-one has gone through what i have, so how can they help me?

 

[coyote]

Hi, and welcome to the forum.

 

[FriendlessGirl]

Hi, welcome to SPW. I'm so sorry to hear your story, I'm sure you'll feel better among us

 

[Blabla..]

Hi Brexin and welcome , i'm sure you will find someone who has gone through similar stuff , we might not all be able to help but we are good listeners , and having people to listen is a big help for me .

 

[BlueDays]

Hello Brexin welcome to the site.

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

Hello Brexin, welcome to the forum. I read your post. I am really sorry you had to go through all that. It is a lot for someone to go through, traumatic stuff. So, you are going to therapy? That will help you. I can understand why you don't want to try medication. A lot of the times, though, they are prescribed short-term. They can help give you that boost to start your recovery. Hope you can find some relief soon. Writing about it can help. It is a good thing you joined this site. Talking to others-even if they haven't experienced your particular circumstances-can help immensely. Take care.

 

[DeadmanWalking]

Hello everyone, I am new here and decided to signup because i notice so many people share the same feelings i do. So a little bit about me. I am a war veteran. I did 3 years active duty. I was deployed in 2007 for 6 weeks before getting blown up and sent home. I would have to say that deployment did a number on my mental state. It was not a comfortable sight to have to sit there a see my best friend blown into pieces. Since my tour, i have lost 2 more of my army friends, 1 to a drug overdose, and another committed suicide. All my old friends are gone or ive lost contact with. I recently got a psychic evaluation done and was diagnosed with Dysthymia, with rare Major Depressive episodes, Social anxiety and something else (i cant read my docs handwriting very well).

I am married and have 2 kids (4 and 16 months). My mental status has caused some issues in my marriage because im so anti social and never to go anywhere. I have a really hard time connecting with people because i just feel different. I really do feel alone in this world. Sometimes i wonder why i m still here... My doctor had to fill out some paperwork for me to return back to the army and it stated that i have a good chance that my mental status is permanent. I will not take drugs because i really donot want to have to grow old and say "The only way i made it this far was because of the drugs". I say screw that... I want to live the life my way, not some pills way.

I really do not know where to go with my life. I haven't worked in almost 2 years. I haven't really needed to because my wife makes enough money. Also I just cant get enough alone time throughout the day. I like being left alone, even if im not doing anything. I dont sleep much, i feel its a waste of life to sleep. i maybe get 4-6 hours a night and i always am grump when i get up because i slept and wasted all that time.

I really just needed to tell someone... hopefully someone here will read my post and respond back. I honestly dont know what to expect from a response... but just to know someone read my post i would at least make me feel alittle more understanded. I think thats a big part of my problem is no-one has gone through what i have, so how can they help me?

First of all, I would like to say thank you for serving the country; it's a very brave and honorable thing you've done and sorry for your losses. I'm not sure if I can help or not, but I want to try, at least. You say you don't know why you're still here, but the answers are staring you dead in the face. Those beautiful children of yours are your reason for living; your life is meant to raise those children to be outstanding members of society. Whenever desolation creeps its way into your head, remember them and remember your wife since she needs you even more than your kids probably. You're probably right in that none of us have ever experienced what you have gone through, but you don't know if everyone on this planet has experienced what you have. My father, when he was in the military, was carrying his wounded friend off of the field when, suddenly, an explosion went off near him. The next thing my father knew was that he was now holding on to the arm of the soldier. He's turned out all right though (as a person, not as a father), so you can too; you might want to try to find support groups geared towards returning veterans. Just go outside, even if you don't want to or don't feel like it. Get reacclimated with the world and enjoy your peace and quiet; you've earned it. You're most likely still wound up from your time on the battlefield. Good luck!

 

[kilojoule]

Hi Brexin, welcome to the forum. Thank you for posting. Im so sorry for you trouble, I cant imagine how difficult it must be. I am glad you posted, it's good to talk about it. I am sure you will find tonnes of support here. Feel free to pm if youd like to talk. I have lots of time on my hands to listen

 

[Brexin]

Hello Brexin, welcome to the forum. I read your post. I am really sorry you had to go through all that. It is a lot for someone to go through, traumatic stuff. So, you are going to therapy? That will help you. I can understand why you don't want to try medication. A lot of the times, though, they are prescribed short-term. They can help give you that boost to start your recovery. Hope you can find some relief soon. Writing about it can help. It is a good thing you joined this site. Talking to others-even if they haven't experienced your particular circumstances-can help immensely. Take care.

Ive been to 2 appointments so far, but it hasn't really helped me much. I can really say my doc was kinda let down when i told him i would take the medication.

First of all, I would like to say thank you for serving the country; it's a very brave and honorable thing you've done and sorry for your losses. I'm not sure if I can help or not, but I want to try, at least. You say you don't know why you're still here, but the answers are staring you dead in the face. Those beautiful children of yours are your reason for living; your life is meant to raise those children to be outstanding members of society. Whenever desolation creeps its way into your head, remember them and remember your wife since she needs you even more than your kids probably. You're probably right in that none of us have ever experienced what you have gone through, but you don't know if everyone on this planet has experienced what you have. My father, when he was in the military, was carrying his wounded friend off of the field when, suddenly, an explosion went off near him. The next thing my father knew was that he was now holding on to the arm of the soldier. He's turned out all right though (as a person, not as a father), so you can too; you might want to try to find support groups geared towards returning veterans. Just go outside, even if you don't want to or don't feel like it. Get reacclimated with the world and enjoy your peace and quiet; you've earned it. You're most likely still wound up from your time on the battlefield. Good luck!

Thats quite a story about your father. Im glad he turned out to be a good man .. I would have to say reading your post made me feel alittle better, not exactly sure why.

Thank you all for your posts. Makes me feel allittle better that you all took the time to read my post and try to understand where i come from.