kaibaberry
Member
Hi, I'm new to this site, and this is my first post (be warned that it will be quite long).
I'm an 18 year old psychology student, and I'm starting my second year of my degree in 2 months. I'm 99% sure that i have avpd (I'd say that I'm 100% sure except I can't guarantee 100% that whoever I get as a psychologist will diagnose me with it as opposed to generalized social anxiety disorder) and I'm having a dilemma and am in need of some advice.
I'm currently on a 4 month break from uni so, naturally, my parents are really pushing me to gain employment once again. I've never been able to get a job because I'm too afraid of being rejected, and have only managed to apply for jobs on 2 occasions during high school when my parents forced me to and gave me no option out of it. I haven't been able to since, because the rejection was far too painful for me to ever voluntarily put myself in that position ever again. Although, I'm aware that I really need to get a job since I'm already 18 and it's only going to become more difficult for me the older I get with no experience, and I'm afraid the longer I'm a disappointment and burden on my parents the more they're going to criticize me and the more they're going to dislike me.
My dilemma is that, because of this, I am financially dependent on my parents and I am unable to seek a professional diagnosis and treatment without informing my mum that I need to see a psychologist and telling her why. I'm absolutely terrified at the prospect of telling her because I have no idea how to go about it and I am afraid that she will not take me seriously and will, instead, criticize and reject me and tell me that my problems are insignificant in comparison to hers (she has depression, PTSD and mild GAD). I get really anxious just thinking about telling her.
I really need to see a psychologist about it because I highly doubt I will be able to gain employment and stop disappointing my parents until I do. I am also supposed to start work experience one day a week with a psychologist this year, and I have no idea how I will be able to do that, and I need to because I will never be able to get a job with my degree after university if I haven't been doing work experience since the second year of my degree.
The disorder has a LOT of negative impact on my academic performance as well, which is really distressing (as well as social functioning and what not). I find that i cannot put any effort into any of my assignments because it will be even more painful if I do not do very well if I put time and effort into it, than if I don't. I just can't force myself to take that risk, even if it'd mean that i'd perform better and I wouldn't have to avoid at all costs admitting my grades to my uni friends, who seem to always want to know. I've avoided 2 of my courses tutorials all together for the rest of semester after the tutors had marked the assignments and I hadn't done very well, because I was too intimidated and terrified of being criticized by them if I was anywhere near them and they had the opportunity to.
I haven't been able to do the compulsory 5 hours of research participation required in 2 of my courses because I was too afraid to apply for the studies and talk to the students and professors running the research, and I was too afraid and intimidated to approach the course lecturers to request the alternative assessment instead. I've missed really important tutorials right before exams because assessment items were being returned and I couldn't face getting them back in front of everyone and from the person who marked them and knows what I got. What's really unfortunate is that this is only the beginning of my academic performance problems that are a result of this disorder. I will leave out the rest, and my problems with socializing and maintaining friendships etc, as I'm aware how long this is becoming.
My problem is that this disorder is really distressing and I really want to get treatment, but I have no idea how to tell my mum. I'm hoping that you may be able to provide any advice on how to bring it up, and share any stories for those who have been in a similar situation where they couldn't seek treatment without telling the person who they are financially dependent on who would have to finance the treatment.
Thank you to everybody who took the time to read this, and everybody who has some advice!
I'm an 18 year old psychology student, and I'm starting my second year of my degree in 2 months. I'm 99% sure that i have avpd (I'd say that I'm 100% sure except I can't guarantee 100% that whoever I get as a psychologist will diagnose me with it as opposed to generalized social anxiety disorder) and I'm having a dilemma and am in need of some advice.
I'm currently on a 4 month break from uni so, naturally, my parents are really pushing me to gain employment once again. I've never been able to get a job because I'm too afraid of being rejected, and have only managed to apply for jobs on 2 occasions during high school when my parents forced me to and gave me no option out of it. I haven't been able to since, because the rejection was far too painful for me to ever voluntarily put myself in that position ever again. Although, I'm aware that I really need to get a job since I'm already 18 and it's only going to become more difficult for me the older I get with no experience, and I'm afraid the longer I'm a disappointment and burden on my parents the more they're going to criticize me and the more they're going to dislike me.
My dilemma is that, because of this, I am financially dependent on my parents and I am unable to seek a professional diagnosis and treatment without informing my mum that I need to see a psychologist and telling her why. I'm absolutely terrified at the prospect of telling her because I have no idea how to go about it and I am afraid that she will not take me seriously and will, instead, criticize and reject me and tell me that my problems are insignificant in comparison to hers (she has depression, PTSD and mild GAD). I get really anxious just thinking about telling her.
I really need to see a psychologist about it because I highly doubt I will be able to gain employment and stop disappointing my parents until I do. I am also supposed to start work experience one day a week with a psychologist this year, and I have no idea how I will be able to do that, and I need to because I will never be able to get a job with my degree after university if I haven't been doing work experience since the second year of my degree.
The disorder has a LOT of negative impact on my academic performance as well, which is really distressing (as well as social functioning and what not). I find that i cannot put any effort into any of my assignments because it will be even more painful if I do not do very well if I put time and effort into it, than if I don't. I just can't force myself to take that risk, even if it'd mean that i'd perform better and I wouldn't have to avoid at all costs admitting my grades to my uni friends, who seem to always want to know. I've avoided 2 of my courses tutorials all together for the rest of semester after the tutors had marked the assignments and I hadn't done very well, because I was too intimidated and terrified of being criticized by them if I was anywhere near them and they had the opportunity to.
I haven't been able to do the compulsory 5 hours of research participation required in 2 of my courses because I was too afraid to apply for the studies and talk to the students and professors running the research, and I was too afraid and intimidated to approach the course lecturers to request the alternative assessment instead. I've missed really important tutorials right before exams because assessment items were being returned and I couldn't face getting them back in front of everyone and from the person who marked them and knows what I got. What's really unfortunate is that this is only the beginning of my academic performance problems that are a result of this disorder. I will leave out the rest, and my problems with socializing and maintaining friendships etc, as I'm aware how long this is becoming.
My problem is that this disorder is really distressing and I really want to get treatment, but I have no idea how to tell my mum. I'm hoping that you may be able to provide any advice on how to bring it up, and share any stories for those who have been in a similar situation where they couldn't seek treatment without telling the person who they are financially dependent on who would have to finance the treatment.
Thank you to everybody who took the time to read this, and everybody who has some advice!
