TheDreamer
New member
Whats up everyone? Just wanted to introduce myself around here - I climbed out of bed tonight and ended up a member of this board... Like most of us I suffer from an extreme case of agoraphobia/depression, and can't stand watching the days of my life tick away. I'm only 23 and I feel like this "rut" will never end. Here's a little more about my situation:
- I was diagnosed with cancer when I was 15... things haven't been the same since. Think about it: where were you in your life at 15 years old? I missed my freshman year of highschool, easily one of the most important developmental stages in your teenage life - and things have been downhill since. The problem started with weeks and weeks of time flying by when I first went on chemo... not seeing my friends as much and getting noticeably sicker added to my need to hide. I did't want a single person I'd ever known outside of immediate family to know how I was doing, how I looked, etc...
- Now I'm here, 5 years later feeling like a piece of sh*t. I do minor things in my day to day life, but nothing fulfills my desire to do more. I can't lie - I smoke a lot of pot. I GARENTEE it contributes to my anxiety, but it's a love-hate relationship. I'm an agoraphobiac, remember? I love to sit around and do nothing - so weed takes of the depressing edge - but also results in a loss of 'get up and go'. I drive to work mon-fri about 5 minutes away lol - I have a local route, which may be more than some people, but not enough for me. I honestly am at that breaking point of needing to figure out what the hell to do. Who isn't!? It's a shame... I was a kid who was always good at whatever I tried... the years from getting sick until now are a blur - and I'm no longer a kid at all. Nearly every option I consider for myself is shot down by excuses... want to go to school but I'm afraid I'll spend tons of money and fail. Want to move but we all know on this board lol - NOT that easy. My list is probably similar to the majority of who'll read this, so feel free to comment and drop a line. It definently feels better to vent about some of this stuff a bit... I'll stick around. Typing and reading here beats most of the other b/s we do online anyway...
- I was diagnosed with cancer when I was 15... things haven't been the same since. Think about it: where were you in your life at 15 years old? I missed my freshman year of highschool, easily one of the most important developmental stages in your teenage life - and things have been downhill since. The problem started with weeks and weeks of time flying by when I first went on chemo... not seeing my friends as much and getting noticeably sicker added to my need to hide. I did't want a single person I'd ever known outside of immediate family to know how I was doing, how I looked, etc...
- Now I'm here, 5 years later feeling like a piece of sh*t. I do minor things in my day to day life, but nothing fulfills my desire to do more. I can't lie - I smoke a lot of pot. I GARENTEE it contributes to my anxiety, but it's a love-hate relationship. I'm an agoraphobiac, remember? I love to sit around and do nothing - so weed takes of the depressing edge - but also results in a loss of 'get up and go'. I drive to work mon-fri about 5 minutes away lol - I have a local route, which may be more than some people, but not enough for me. I honestly am at that breaking point of needing to figure out what the hell to do. Who isn't!? It's a shame... I was a kid who was always good at whatever I tried... the years from getting sick until now are a blur - and I'm no longer a kid at all. Nearly every option I consider for myself is shot down by excuses... want to go to school but I'm afraid I'll spend tons of money and fail. Want to move but we all know on this board lol - NOT that easy. My list is probably similar to the majority of who'll read this, so feel free to comment and drop a line. It definently feels better to vent about some of this stuff a bit... I'll stick around. Typing and reading here beats most of the other b/s we do online anyway...
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